Seeing the Body

Up until now,
I never realised the importance of seeing the body,
I remember wanting to see it,
Hoping that it would provide some answers,
Maybe some closure,
While also knowing that not seeing it
Would bring a lifetime’s regret…

When the time came,
I was ushered into a room,
Dimly lit around the edges,
All the light was focused on the centre
Where the coffin stood wide open,
Exposing his death to us all,
The room was warm, but I was cold…

In the coffin he lay,
A troubled man who had found his peace,
The marks could not be seen,
No one wanted to see them,
Everyone in the room was crying,
I looked down at him,
Wondering when my tears would come…

They never did,
And I felt heartless,
I still do,
Where was the grief that engulfed the rest?
Even at the funeral and the graveyard
No physical remorse came from me,
I heard people speak their wonders aloud…

I have often been praised
For my handling of it all,
But, in my own mind, it wasn’t handled,
There was no grief,
There was no remorse,
Just the complete shock of the loss,
And the acceptance of the irreversible…

Now I realise why my acceptance was so easy,
Now I know the importance of seeing the body,
I was forced into accepting reality,
As it lay there in front me
With its eyes closed,
Never to move again,
Because of an act of depressed brutality…

(as horrible as the experience was, and how uncomfortable it may or may not be to read it, Seeing the Body is, personally, an important poem because of the epiphany that inspired it).

Should I?

A face as happy as the sun,
Could you be the one?
Eyes as bright as the stars,
Could eternal love be ours?
Movements as graceful as a dolphin’s,
Is this where my new life begins?
Darkness once impenetrable is clearing,
Is something wonderful nearing?
A joy grows that hasn’t in a long time,
Are you the one who makes my soul shine?
My writing becomes like it was before,
Can you make me write like this some more?
Making you mine is all that’s left to do,
Tell me, should I make my move on you?

One of Them

I’m a human being,
Subject to the same temptations
Of all human beings,
Subject to the same weaknesses,
The same heartlessness
That engulfs all men…

I’m a fool who’s lulled
By a false sense of security,
A false sense of one being immune
To the weaknesses of men,
Only to find out I’m not at all,
I’m just as shallow as the rest…

Horrid desires and images
Flash through my mind like lightening,
Each more vulgar than the last,
Yet equally as tempting,
What am I becoming?
I’ve been lost amongst the same neediness…

That engulfs all weak men…
I’m one of them now…

Men and Women

A man never realises he loves her,
He’s forever blinded by sexual desire,
A man never penetrates the heart of stone,
He’s forever hidden behind masculine bones,
A man never opens up to his partner,
He forever sees her only as a lover,
A man never knows how to respond to eyes,
He forever responds by telling lies…

A woman knows when she loves him,
She forever knows, even when things look dim,
A woman will always try to express herself,
She forever tries to find inner self,
A woman always opens up to her partner,
She forever tries to hold it all together,
A woman recognises deceit in a man’s eyes,
She forever knows when he’s telling her lies…

A man forever lies and lies…
Even though a woman can always see it in his eyes…

(Bebo page eleven's only representation comes in the form of Men and Women - I know, I'm a laugh riot - because it highlights my own inability to see men as anything other than deceitful fools, even though I am a man, and have seen and experienced examples of it being otherwise).

Mission

I can’t keep up with what I’ve got,
Life is filled with too much waste,
There’s not enough to go on for,
My soul is no longer chaste,
Lies fly all around me,
They come most from my own lips,
When friends lie straight to my face,
I want to crush them with my fingertips,
Years go by in the click of my fingers,
Everything is moving too fast,
Things get older, people change,
I don’t know how much longer I can last…

Maturity is beyond my childish grasp,
I can’t keep up with everyone else,
It should all come together now,
Instead, in the distance a bell knells,
Shards of ruined relationships cut my feet,
The pain rises and strikes my heart,
Everywhere I step, more shards appear,
Piece by piece, my life’s falling apart,
The end is near, there’s no turning back,
Past mistakes will follow me to the light,
I will go while they think highly of me,
I will exit at my greatest height…

Moving beyond will be an easy transition…
But first comes the difficulty of the mission…