Hypocrisy

A time spent pining for a solitude

I could never hope to handle

Has passed by with me thinking

The most obvious thing:

I feel so alone.

At every twist of the neck

Many visions meet my eyes,

And realisations rupture my thoughts,

That stir the sincerest pangs of jealousy

A hypocrite can deign to feel.

I see my brother so happy

And marvel at how I envy him;

I see my friends manoeuvre with ease

Through the minefield of love

And come through with nothing more

Than a scratch on the heart;

I read and witness stories fictionally

Played out that render me a disservice

Because they fool my mind

Into believing things just happen

Perfectly and without justification;

And I take as many false steps forward

As I do backward because I have

No idea as to what I want

Or when I want it

Or even how to attain it when I dream it.

The only thing I can acknowledge

Is a loneliness only a certain person can cure,

A person who has no idea

That she is placed so precariously

On a pedestal that so many have jumped

From in the past from suffocation -

A pedestal that would be better off

Dismantled and tossed into a raging fire.