I Love You More

I have been shaken to my heart's core,
I have never felt this feeling before,
Of having someone to put to the fore,
Of having someone to say 'I love you more...'

When with me, she never has to open a door,
She never has to worry about war,
She only has to look at the shore,
While I whisper in her ear 'I love you more...'

She is the one who makes me soar,
She is the one who makes my heart roar,
She is the one I want to be with forevermore,
She is the one who always says 'I love you more...'

A moment with her is never a bore,
We argue about who loves who more,
People ask what do we do that for,
The answer is in the feelings we pore...

When we say to each other 'I love you more...'

Emancipation

I read my writings of old,
And am surprised by how much I have changed,
I always thought I'd love her forever,
But now it seems I might be finally over her...

It's very strange reading my old writings,
As it's hard to believe my feelings were that strong,
When now I feel almost nothing,
Now I feel like she's just another person...

She was my first love,
Not that she ever knew,
And she will always hold a special place in my heart,
Even if I don't in hers...

Everything I wrote about her still stands,
Those feelings did exist once,
But they don't anymore,
It seems like my heart is free...

Free for me to give to whom I please.

Don't Worry

You wear a concerned expression,
I ask you why you do so,
You say someone has mocked the way you look,
I say that for them to do that is crazy,
You're beautiful, you're amazing...

And anyone who says otherwise is just jealous...

From a Dance to Romance

It was in the middle of the dance floor,
Where I first saw you and nothing more,
Where I first spotted your pretty face,
And saw you moving with such amazing grace,
That I wanted no one else but you,
With a pause in your elegance being the cue,
For me to ask you a burning question,
The answer of which I waited for with trepidation...

Would you care to dance with me?
Your smile and nod made my heart dance with glee,
It was then we danced the night away,
Danced for so long that night became day,
That night we got lost in the atmosphere,
Yet my muddled thoughts suddenly became clear,
You are the only one I want to kiss,
So I move in, hoping for bliss...

Our lips touch...
My thoughts start to rush...

How did we go from a simple dance...
To all this love and romance?

Don't Be Afraid

Whenever you want something so nice,
You just have to take a chance and roll the dice,
You have to risk everything in your life,
Just to move on and end this internal strife,
Playing it safe is the easy way out,
In your mind it seemingly leaves no doubt,
Yet by playing it safe you will never truly know,
What your life would've been like had you given it a go,
So don't ever be afraid to try anything new,
You never know where it might lead you,
And even if it ends in pain and it makes you cry,
You're safe in the knowledge that you at least gave it a try...

Death in His Cloak

They hardly ever spoke,
They were just a bunch of quiet folk,
But for no reason along came Death in his cloak,
And burned their town up in fire and smoke,
The vicious flames he continued to stoke,
To him it was nothing but a cruel joke,
But now all the town's people's tears do is soak...

They hardly ever spoke...
Not even when Death came along in his cloak...

Growing Feelings

The more I'm around you,
The more I become attached to you,
The more I'm away from you,
The more I miss you,
The more I talk to you,
The more I realise I need you,
The more I kiss you,
The more my feelings grow for you...

And every time you walk out that door,
It becomes clear that I need you more...

Damn That Wonderful Elf

I am left truly amazed,
Damn that wonderful elf,
An hour ago I was mentally AWOL,
I was dead to the world,
My life had no meaning or purpose,
But now, here I sit,
Laughing and crying,
Laughing at the stupidity of my thoughts,
Yet crying because they are not that stupid at all,
But it is better than just crying and crying,
Crying until I end up dying,
And now all I can say is,
Damn that wonderful elf...

I don't know whether to thank him or berate him...

Caught in the Middle

Both are good friends of mine,
To see them both this upset,
With nothing but tears of frustration pouring from their eyes,
Causes tears to well in my own eyes,
It causes heartbreak that's hard to take...

They have been together for a long time now,
Maybe that's the root of the problem,
But the loss of a leader from his life,
Doesn't help matters at all,
She cries her tears constantly...

They both come to me, wondering what to do,
This isn't some meaningless adolescent fling,
This is a serious relationship in a delicate situation,
She wants to keep him for ever and ever,
She needs him...

But his feelings are completely different,
He tells me of his inconsiderateness,
Of how he cares only for himself,
Yet, after all that has happened in recent times,
I wouldn't begrudge him his time alone...

He says all he wants is to run away,
Run away to a place where he can never be found,
To a place where neither sight nor sound,
Can be seen or heard by anyone,
For miles around...

They seek help and I would give it to them,
Only I'm not really sure what to say,
All I want is for everything to be ok,
All I want is for all those tears to stop,
All I want is to be pulled from the middle...

Because, once I am, it means it will all be over...
For better or for worse...

A Horrible Night

For good reason,
I speak to no one,
Everyone's concerns,
Are met with a dismissive
"I'm grand..."

They ask what's wrong,
Speaking my mind,
Would only result in awkwardness,
Similar to that of before,
I am not prepared to risk all again...

My blank, lifeless stare,
Strikes fear into my friends,
Their concern is no concern of mine,
My heart is ready to kill,
To satisfy its burning desires...

The party rages on,
My heart screams on,
Everyone dances on,
My stare is harsh and long,
Away into the night sky...

I know I've lost her,
Desperation grips my heart,
I never had her,
Desperation clings onto hope,
Before finally slipping away...

Then the great depression begins to fall...

Finally

It has finally happened,
The years of pain and suffering,
And agonizing waiting,
Are finally over,
I have found someone...

She is worth the stars and the moon,
Her smile lights up like the sun,
She has a face worthy of any painting,
Full of colour and life,
While her eyes could cheer even the most despondent of hearts...

Every kiss means something,
Every hug carries a strong welling of emotion,
Every gesture comes straight from the heart,
Every compliment is nothing but the truth,
Everything that comes from her is so very special...

She is the one who has finally given me a chance,
She is the one who has decided to take a chance,
She is the one who finally feels like I do,
Who likes me just as much as I like her,
Who kisses with the same passion as I do...

Finally I have found someone I can call my own...
Finally I am no longer alone...

A Heartbreaking Choice?

Words are spoken that I dread to hear,
At a time when, for me, happiness is so near,
She says that women can't be best friends with men,
Other halves don't appreciate that, but I want to know since when?
Her words have led me to fear for our friendship,
Any words I speak could end it, even if they are just a slip,
She makes it sound as if I have to make a choice,
A heartbreaking choice between love and friends that can't end in rejoice,
Why is it I can't have both of these wonderful things?
The thought of having them both almost gives me wings,
But back in the harsh world of reality, they are clipped,
I land with a thud, before being asked which...

Now is where the heart begins to break,
Now is where I lose something that was so hard to make,
Now is where I am forced to choose,
Now is where I have to choose what to lose...

Win...

Belief...
Courses through me like never before.

Desire...
Burns in my chest like it's never been away.

Confidence...
Is the highest I have ever known it.

Everything is there,
There's only one thing to do now...

Win.

Ups and Downs

The ups and downs of my heart are very frequent,
But the breakneck speed at which my heart rose this time,
And the breakneck speed at which it was brought crashing back down again,
Astounds even me who expects these ups and downs to be painful...

We chatted the night away on the fifth night,
My heart got carried away with itself and soared into the night sky,
Then on the sixth night you were kissing the lips of another,
My heart crashed back down as if it had been shot...

I know how easily I become attached to people,
I know that this will result in heartbreak most of the time,
But the speed of this most recent up and down,
Makes me wonder if I should bother at all...

Makes me wonder if someone I like will ever like me back...

Unforgivable

I always throw away something valuable,
That is something to which I'm always culpable,
I always hurt the people I love,
My apologies are never enough,
Which is why I am not apologising here,
I am just wishing joy on you, my dear,
I am not asking you for forgiveness,
I am just wishing you the world's happiness,
My stupidity never ceases to amaze me,
That's why I don't expect you to forgive me,
But I will say one thing,
The times we spent together will always mean something,
I will cherish those moments for eternity,
Even if you rightly banish them from your own memory,
But I would like to think you would spare a thought,
For the boy you once knew, when he had a heart...

Unbreakable Bond

Our friendship has come a long way,
We can talk to each other about anything,
Those early insecurities around you are gone,
The shyness I once had around you is no more...

We stay up late at night,
Chatting and laughing about good times,
Or comforting and supporting each other,
During those rare bad times...

I would walk to ends of the earth,
Just to ensure this bond never breaks,
I would gladly suffer for the rest of my life,
If it meant you being happy for the rest of yours...

You are the one person I can trust completely,
The one person I can always talk to,
The one person who will always be there for me,
The one person I would easily trust with my own life...

Our friendship has come a long way,
Now an unbreakable bond exists between us,
Nothing shall ever break that bond,
Nothing in life, nothing in death...

And nothing in between...

Tired

I'm tired of having sand kicked in my face,
I'm tired of being the butt of all the jokes,
I'm tired of the constant rejection,
I'm tired of trying to be nice to people,
Only for it to be thrown straight back at me...

I'm tired of the laughter,
I'm tired of the meaningless compliments,
I'm tired of the false smiles,
I'm tired of the hidden feelings,
That are only exposed when my eyes are closed...

I'm tired of trying to do what's right,
When those around me mock me,
I'm tired of trying to help others,
When others won't help me in times of need,
I'm tired of everything...

And everyone is tired of me...
It's over...
My company won't be forced on them anymore...
Time to confine myself to my mind...
Time to realise what I thought was real...

Was actually all a barrel of lies...

The Search

The search is on,
The search for those lost feelings,
That I once had for you...

The search is on for those feelings,
That I thought would stay with me,
Until the end of my days...

But are now buried deep inside of me,
Beneath all those broken, red shards,
Beneath of what's left of my heart...

Those red shards are all that's left,
From all those failed attempts,
To find someone who felt the same as I did...

The search is on,
To find those feelings of my first love,
To allow me to go back to the beginning...

And live, once again, in blissful ignorance,
In the world of youth and innocence,
With a heart that is whole...

And not scattered everywhere,
Except where it's meant to be...

Unspoken Words

Not a single word was spoken,
They met up with each other,
Embraced and kissed,
Yet something in the kiss told her,
It could be one of their last...

Their eyes met,
Their gazes held,
It was then she could tell,
His eyes had lost the spark,
They once had upon seeing her...

He opened his mouth to speak,
No words came out,
He couldn't bring himself to say anything,
Yet it was becoming clear he didn't need to,
Tears began to well in her eyes...

She squeezed his hand lovingly,
In an effort to show she still wanted this,
But he pulled it away,
He was too young for this seriousness,
Their eyes met once more...

And in each others' gaze,
They knew their time had ended,
Both their eyes were filled with tears now,
Actions speak louder than words,
And they parted ways...

Without so much as a single word to each other,
Not to be dramatic,
Not to be hurtful,
Not to be spiteful,
And not to be heartless...

But simply because they weren't needed...

The Price of Happiness

Nothing in life comes for free,
Everything in life has a price,
Whether it be a financial one,
Or an emotional one,
Everything comes at a cost...

If you don't take a chance,
On something you think is worth chancing,
You could be left with that feeling,
That feeling everyone hates to feel,
That feeling of regret...

If you do take a chance,
On something you think is worth chancing,
You could end up ruining something,
Something very special to you,
That leaves you with a feeling of irreversible sadness...

It's hard to decide what is worth chancing,
It's hard to decide what is worth the cost,
But you never know until you take the chance,
Because one day the price you pay,
Could end up being worth every penny...

And you'll be forever happy for paying it...

The Beginning

This is where it all started,
Back on the first day of 'big school',
Not even a full year into my teens,
I see my friend from football,
Waving ecstatically at me,
He stands beside someone,
A young relative of his...

Something overcame me that day,
My mouth went dry,
My heart was beating madly in my chest,
We didn't even exchange pleasantries,
We didn't need to,
Without even meaning to or trying to,
She had already caught me...

And she would hold onto me,
Unknowingly,
For nearly five years,
But now those feelings of love have vanished,
As so much has happened to me since that day,
I have grown up,
But my heart seems to have grown down...

The Magic of Music in Motion

That feeling of the drumbeat in my chest,
That sound of the guitar screeching through the air,
That voice singing lyrics that mean something to a generation...
All this makes me feel inspired and empowered,
That's the magic that music has over us all,
It's influential and galvanizing,
Thought-provoking and heart-lifting,
So much so, that it's worth standing on the soaking wet grass,
On a cold November's evening,
To witness such a wonderful blend of charismatic instrumentals,
And heartfelt melodies,
Only one thing could make this better now...

Yet as I turn to search for her,
I see her in the arms of another,
Kissing and caressing,
It would be like watching music-in-motion,
If it could be me kissing her fair lips,
While caressing her elegant back,
As it is though, I can only stand helplessly by,
Watching this heartbreaking sight,
As slowly but surely,
The magical power of the music fades away,
To be replaced by that old, familiar feeling,
That at this stage, I constantly peer over my shoulder for...

At least I can always feel the magic of music,
Even if I never get to feel its magic in motion...

(written around the time of Bloc Party's Phoenix Park gig, this poem is a perfect example of something that happens to me far too often: an interesting idea executed poorly - gig was class, though).

The Day I Die

On the day I die,
I hope to fly high into the sky,
Wearing the green and white of Celtic on my chest,
Holding my notebook tightly to my breast,
I will have Hoppipola ringing in my ears,
Hopefully stopping the flow of all those tears,
All my friends will be there to say farewell,
As my departure is marked by the knell of the church bell...

This is not my funeral that I am describing...
It is the celebration of my life with all those still living...

Take it Away

My heart should be taken away from me,
Not as a punishment for a bad deed,
But as a reprieve from the cruel games it plays...

My head has been spun around and around,
I've been infatuated,
I've been heartbroken...

I've been there and back again,
Yet still I sit here,
Just as unclear as I was when I first noticed emotion...

Just as lonely as I was when I first noticed emotion,
Just as confused and vexed,
Dazed and perplexed as I was when I first noticed emotion...

Age has brought me no wisdom,
My heart should be taken away from me,
Until I learn how to control it...

Until I learn its clever little game...