No Finale

Tossing and turning, hours restless,
First sleepless night in seven years,
One that has been coming a long time,
Overbearing heat betters me at last,
Radiating from my body;
Insomnia caused by fatigue during peace,
Only the sound of raindrops outside,
While somewhere across the world,
Gunfire and bombs, screaming and crying,
Keeps a child awake all night, every morning,
Listening as the woman he saw carrying water home,
Is drowned out of all existence;
Outside, in the wind, a plane flies,
Bringing people home to their families,
Outside that child’s home, planes swoop with intent,
Barrels unloaded on the armed and unarmed,
The pilot incapable of deciphering a difference anymore;
Insomnia in isolation is a nuisance,
Insomnia by war is crippling,
With no finale.

Window

The one window that allows stars to watch me sleep,
The mattress, weightless, falls away, making me fall too,
Bottomless, into the trap of being too comfortable.

They wink, candles of the night sky, lulling me to falsity,
Hanging there, unmoving and unwavering to thoughts or wishes,
Actions are impossible in this suspension of all drive.

Lead filled lids crash and grate with every forced re-opening,
With dreams tantalisingly close before I take them away,
Open eyes fixed on those unreachable stars, that unreachable space.

The only time in my life they watch me while I gaze back,
No curtains, no roofs, no street lights, no clouds, no moon, no obstruction,
Just our sights’ lines, meeting, overlapping, crossing and telling.

Telling me to forget their existence, and to just travel the distance.

(I was staying over in a friend's house and he was kind enough to give me a bed - while looking out of the window beside my bed it occurred to me that it was the first time I had ever been able to gaze at the stars while lying down to go to sleep).

Spent Hours

An hour spent queuing to spend an hour queuing,
An hour spent queuing to spend an hour shoving,
An hour spent shoving to spend an hour drinking,
An hour spent drinking to spend an hour dancing,
Only there are no seconds left come the drinking hour’s end,
So why bother at all?

We could be laying on sand, listening to the sea,
Gazing at the moon staring at its own reflection,
While white stars flicker above, on and off,
Like candles in the sky, lights lasting the length of the night,
Out on the beach, where there are no set hours,
Only our own judgement, young, naïve, filled with dancing.

But we spent the hour queuing,
Just to leave five minutes later, complaining.

Maintenance

Maintenance,
So high,
Pressure,
So much,
Constant,
So pointless,
Maintenance.

Never a moment’s peace.
Never a moment’s rest.
Never a moment released,
Never a moment caressed.

Only repetition.

Maintenance,
Unrelenting,
Attention,
Unceasing,
Paranoia,
Dominating,
Maintenance

There she goes, a happy excuse,
There she goes, a sorry face,
There she goes, a relieved refuse,
There she goes, a futile chase.

Always insufficient.

Maintenance,
Mends mind,
Footsteps,
Follow futility,
Envy,
Endless effort,
Maintenance.

Locked door without a dweller,
Locked door without a key,
Locked door without endeavour,
Locked door without a dream.

Distorted disposition.

Locked

Locked, the door and this house, in need of maintenance by one, who refuses to do the job while being unaware of this decision, living blissfully ignorant to that which looks them in the eye, smiling while lying, crying because of the dying feeling surrounding the house, incapable of breaking down the locked door with the battering ram approach which served so well in the past, but has now become obsolete with the passing of people and time, both as irretrievable as each other, yet both the only ones with the power to unlock the door to this locked house, as one is one, but has always been many, just at different intervals with bigger or smaller locks, depending on the circumstance and time of when the first meeting took place, with the early years spent falling hopelessly and the more recent encounters spent pushing potential away out of fear of producing more pieces for the house's mantel.

(not really a poem, more so a long winded sentence - the point was to say everything in one breath to get the effect of a person either shouting or pleading uncontrollably).

I Need to Thank You

I need to thank you,
Freezing shoulder makes me see,
Recalling my poor handling,
The mistakes it led to and the rolling eyes,
Can’t be everybody’s friend,
Especially not after a three week silence,
Can’t be perfect all the time,
Especially not at the age of nineteen,
An insult-cum-joke becomes an insult again,
Only with direct aim, at my big heart,
Not spiteful enough to keep quiet,
Yet spiteful enough to be minimalist,
And it hurts more than speeding bullets,
Knowing how I failed others’ perceptions,
Indifferent to the mistake itself for so long,
Uncaring to its effect on you,
But sad at letting everyone down,
Even though they don’t even know,
Ignorance is bliss but I can’t ignore this,
And I need to thank you,
For reinforcing my logic in shutting up shop.