Inner Strength

She smiles and says she's fine,
A look into her eyes tells a different story,
They wear a look of exhaustion,
While her body language suggests,
She is extremely run down,
Showing that the burdens she carries,
On those tender shoulders,
Are meant for others who are more experienced in life...

The burdens she bears,
Are heavy enough to ruin most people,
Yet not only does she carry them,
With tremendous inner strength,
She carries them with a glorious smile,
A smile that says,
I can take what life throws at me,
It won't drag me down...

One can only admire her for this,
I have so much respect for her,
I hold her in the highest regard.

Lost Opportunity

 ..... ........ .. ... .. . ............

The words flash up at me,
Confirming what I've dreaded for a long time,
The one thing I wanted,
Taken away,
The opportunity to have it,
Dashed...

I've known for a long time
That I'd never have it,
I've known for a long time
That what has happened would happen,
But it is still heartbreaking
To see it there in writing.

I Had a Choice

I met the both of you,
During a wonderful week away,
Now that I have a choice between you two,
I don't know which way to sway.

I feel I need some help,
From somewhere up above,
My head is spinning this way and that,
Love split two ways isn't enough.

Both your smiles are equally glorious,
I realise I do not deserve either,
Around yee, I get too anxious,
Start to crowd yee, causing bitter anger...

I have a choice between two,
I don't deserve either of you,
I have a choice between two,
I'd be lucky to have just one of you,
I have a choice between two,
Even though our friendship's still new,
I have a choice between two,
And I really don't know what to do...

Yet, even if I made a choice,
I have already lost both of you,
In the same tone of voice,
You both knock back my advances toward you.

I really can't understand,
This sudden change of heart,
Especially since yee both said,
Yee loved me from the start.

Now my heart is broken,
The wonderful dilemma, taken away,
All I have now is this token,
A newspaper cutting from that day...

I had a choice between two,
Then I lost the pair of you,
I had a choice between two,
I don't understand, what did I do?
I had a choice between two,
Now our friendship's all askew,
I had a choice between two,
Now I don't have either of you...

Goodbye (Version 2)

The old writer heads to his type writer,
He's in the middle of writing his memoirs,
Life and old age have made his features harsh,
Success has brought him no happiness,
Just resentment and bitterness,
His stories always had gruesome endings,
He hated the typical fairytale ending...

He saw no point in lying to everyone,
In giving people false hope,
He always wrote about the real world,
The harsh world,
The one he had lived in for nearly 80 years...

His memoirs could've been passed off as one of his books,
Such was the hate and bitterness that filled it,
His life had been tough,
He fought addictions and life threatening diseases,
Yet he had come through all that,
But those experiences had made him a shadow of a person...

But just as he approached the end of his memoirs,
Something odd happened to the old writer,
He was hit by a sudden epiphany,
One that told him his life had given him much more,
Than he or anyone else could've asked for,
His life had given him love and loss,
Aswell as a constant battle,
And, as bitter as he was towards everything in his life,
The old writer realised for the first time ever,
That he was happy with how everything had turned out...

So when the police found his body the next day,
Slumped over his type writer,
The words they found typed there were the last of his memoirs,
And they read...

"I have died a happy man...goodbye to a wonderful life."

Gone

I have ruined everything between us,
Our friendship was a strong bond between us,
But I have shaken that bond to it's core,
As I have allowed my feelings to change,
Change from being happy as just friends,
To wanting you to be mine forevermore...
The startled look on your face was indescribable,
When I told you how I feel,
You were happy to remain as friends and nothing more,
And the big fear for me now is that,
You decide to hate me and refuse to talk to me,
But that hasn't happened yet,
As you say we can still be friends,
But, even though you say our friendship is still strong,
I know that things will be always be awkward between us.

The friendship we had before is gone,
And it is never coming back...
Because I couldn't control my emotions.

Fleeting Meeting

It hurts so much,
I don't know why,
We spoke only briefly over two days,
But now that I haven't seen you,
My heart pines for you,
Now that I haven't spoken to you,
My heart needs you.

How can I become so emotionally bound to you,
When our paths crossed only so fleetingly,
I do not know,
All I know is,
Your lack of a reply to my message,
Hurts almost as much as a slap to the face,
Maybe even more...

I just hope you talk to me again,
So I can find out if my heart is playing more tricks.

Demons Inside

On the outside I'm smiling,
On the inside I'm dying,
I fight the Good Fight on the outside,
I fight a different fight on the inside,
The difference between the two being,
That I'm winning the Good Fight,
But losing the fight inside.
My demons and weaknesses,
Continue to overpower me,
Making me wonder,
If I was to succumb the Good Fight,
Would it give me enough strength,
To win the fight inside?
My continuous failures inside,
Make my minor victories outside,
Seem insignificant and pointless,
While my morals that seem perfect outside,
Are in fact anything but inside.
The demons and weaknesses are winning,
Soon everything that's locked away inside,
Will implode,
Ruining everything outside.

Death of a Dream

Desk jobs,
Manual labour,
All unglorified work,
Stuff I can't imagine doing,
As I've grown with aspirations typical of a child,
With dreams of playing football,
In front of crowds of thousands,
Of being a hero to millions more,
Of playing in packed stadiums,
With atmospheres simmering like a cauldron,
Of hearing the fans constantly chanting,
Chanting my name...

It's the only thing I know,
The only thing I truly understand,
So to suddenly realise that my dream is dead,
Is heartbreaking...
I now know that I shan't be pulling on a famous jersey,
I know I shall be buttoning up a white shirt,
And knotting a black tie,
While heading to the grey train station,
For the rest of my dull life.

By the River on Pebble Island

I remember it clear as day,
Standing on an island of pebbles,
By a monstrous, flowing river,
With it's gigantic, rushing waterfall,
I was only a child,
It all seems so much smaller now.
I remember looking up into his smiling face,
The Big Man and I thought nothing of spending hours,
Throwing pebble after pebble,
Into the rushing water,
Those were the good days,
Young and carefree,
The Big Man was still around.

Now, the place has changed with the times,
The island of pebbles has slowly corroded,
It's now practically unreachable,
While the surrounding rock formation,
With it's once so rampaging waters,
Is strewn with the rubbish of the local teens,
The empty beer cans and empty crates,
Show the place is now nothing more than a drinking spot.
To me the place will always mean so much more than that,
It's a place that holds some of my most cherished memories,
Memories of a time which has long since passed,
When the world seemed so peaceful,
Just like my spot by the river on pebble island.

A Choice

I say what I have to say,
In the hope you will feel the same,
But it is not joy I see reflected in your eyes,
It's shock and sadness,
Followed by tears that flow gracefully,
Like a waterfall, down your cheeks.
I made a choice out of desire,
Of greed, of lust, of yearning,
But it was the wrong one to make...
And no matter what you or anyone else says,
What I did and the way I did it,
Makes me far worse than anyone who has come before,
Makes me out to be a complete coward,
And now all I can ask of you is,
To please stop crying,
To please start smiling,
As I'm not worth being upset over.

The Walk of Shame

Rain, rain, rain,
Lashing down relentlessly,
As we play our game of 69s,
Yet it doesn't stop us,
Or slow our momentum,
As we smash goal-after-goal,
Into the back of the net.

A ball flies into the box,
For number 68,
I throw myself toward it,
A diving header,
Glorious in its execution,
Puts the ball in the back of the net.

Another ball's launched in,
I see it,
And see nothing but glory,
I throw myself at it once more,
Looking for the fabled 69,
I connect perfectly,
But I lack accuracy,
And it goes a mile wide...

NO!

I am now guarding the goal,
Hoping and hoping,
That it won't be me,
Who concedes the dreaded 69,
And pays the penalty,
By facing the long and infamous walk,
The walk of shame...

The ball comes in yet again,
And up jumps the fox,
Heading the ball goalward,
His aim was true,
My fate was sealed,
As even when I dived despairingly,
And got fingertips onto the ball,
I knew it was in...

I was so close,
But not close enough,
The ball had spun into the bottom corner,
And anguish and disappointment wash over me,
As I now face the forfeit to end all forfeits,
I face the walk of shame.

All around the pitch I must walk,
The loneliest walk anyone could ever face,
In the duration of their lives,
So with my head down, and while soaking wet,
I am left alone to reflect,
On how I ended up with this punishment,
Wondering how the hell I lost!

All of this of course,
While the others sit in the centre,
Laughing and jeering,
Yet also applauding,
Applauding because they feel I was wronged,
Believing I didn't deserve to walk the walk,
But that, I suppose, is the beauty of the game...

Even if it does undermine the walk of shame.

War

I decide to join the army,
And am immediately trained in their philosophy,
I am taught to feel no pain,
Even when blood comes down like rain,
All forms of emotion are beaten out of me,
Until I wander around aimlessly, like a zombie,
So when the day comes and I have to fight,
I won't drop my gun and flee into the night.

After years of honing and training,
I find myself suddenly wishing,
To be involved in conflict, to be involved fighting,
To be involved in war, shooting and killing,
Then the commander recognises that,
There are no qualities in which I lack,
So he finally decides to ship me out,
Ship me out to war torn Iraq.

I have got my wish, and feel a tinge of joy,
Being out here, uncovering secret ploys,
I fight for my country, I fight with pride,
I fight with honour, and never try to hide,
I feel no pain, even when comrades die,
I see old friends in agony on the ground,
Screaming in pain, before ceasing to make a sound.

But my emotions begin to return to me,
As I unexpectedly lose all sight,
Of what it is I'm fighting for,
But too late it seems,
As I get shot and fall to the floor.
As I lie on the ground, dying,
I begin to start wondering...

What exactly is the point of war?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day I've chosen,
Tomorrow is my D-day,
Tomorrow is the day I shall pluck up my courage,
Tomorrow is the time for action,
Tomorrow is the moment of truth,
And when tomorrow becomes today,
And when today becomes yesterday,
I will look back on it in one of two ways,
With a triumphant smile as the day she became mine,
Or with enormous regret as the day I ruined everything...

(the reason I include Tomorrow is because I actually nearly did ruin something very important the day after writing it - Tomorrow stands as a reminder that I should never take my own writing too seriously).

The Void

Once upon a time,
A feeling of excited nervousness,
Would wash over me,
When I'd see you approaching,
But in recent times,
That feeling has gradually disappeared,
And it's almost as if,
You're just another person...

No, no, no,
It wasn't supposed to be this way,
You were supposed to be THE ONE,
My soul mate,
My life's partner,
But why then has my love of you
Suddenly diminished
Into nothing, as if it never existed?

I can't comprehend what happened,
At how my heart could just suddenly
Change it's mind,
And practically stop beating,
Leaving me faced with something unusual,
A massive, empty void,
A void that once contained my love for you,
A void that I thought...

Would never be empty.

The Price of Friendship

The teachers look at me angrily,
And they ask me,
How can you afford to be outside,
Spending time with your friends,
When you have your Leaving Cert,
In a matter of weeks?

Well, I reply,
Knowledge is indeed a valuable thing,
And it does come at a price,
But spending time with my friends?
That is priceless,
Which is why I can afford to do it.