Sorry

I'm so sorry,
Please forgive me,
For whatever it is I have done,
To make you all hate me,
Please tell me what it is,
So I can try to rectify it.

The last thing I ever wanted to do,
Was to annoy any of you,
Or hurt any of you in any way,
So please tell me what it is I have done,
To make you all stop talking to me,
So I can try and fix it.

I miss talking to you all,
That trip was the best of my life,
Which is why I am now perplexed,
As I thought you all liked me,
Obviously, I was wrong,
I'm so sorry for my mistake.

I'm begging you to let me fix it,
I'm on my knees, asking for your forgiveness,
I miss you all so much,
Please give me a second chance,
I won't make my mistake again,
Whatever that mistake was.

Passion (Gone)

It’s gone,
I’ve lost it,
That drive,
That determination,
The will to win,
The fire in my belly,
Has been extinguished.
The passion that earned me so many plaudits,
Has vanished for no reason,
My body isn’t as quick as it once was,
A side effect by the loss,
Of my heart.
Now I am lazy,
Now I don’t care,
Not my old traits,
Before I’d get angry if I lost,
Now it’s a battle to bother at all,
Which is why I’m quitting,
As I am a liability to the others,
A waste of space,
An overweight has been,
At the tender age of eighteen,
How sad.

Over Pressure

Everyone has started talking me up,
A relative's job I suppose,
But I could do without it to be honest,
Oh, he's going to be a journalist,
They say with a hint of smugness,
He's going to college,
They brag to their friends,
Not taking my feelings into account,
What if I was to suddenly change my mind?
Or if I fail to reach the high standards set by the powers that be?
They would feel let down,
After me telling everyone, they would angrily say,
You come along and fail!

I can feel the pressure mounting,
Until one wise old man,
A man looked upon as God himself,
Walking amongst mere mortals!
Well in my friends eyes anyway,
Gives me some advice,
Just let the pressure go over your head, he says,
Just let the expectation pass you by,
Don't get swept away by it,
And see what happens.
I am beginning to heed his advice,
And I no longer feel under pressure,
I now feel over pressure.

Mistakes and Regrets

I drop to my knees in despair,
Yet another mistake,
To add to my ever-growing collection,
They are silly little blunders,
That shouldn't be happening,
But are,
Quite frequently.
I look up,
And I see everyone laughing,
Friends, enemies, everyone,
I don't blame them,
I'd laugh too,
If I wasn't the one making the mistakes.

The past continues to haunt me,
Like some sort of evil poltergeist,
Memories I would like to put to rest,
Return again and again,
To remind me of my stupidity,
Or of my weaknesses.
Everyone jokes about my past,
Thinking that it's funny,
But to me,
It's a history of my most shameful moments,
Moments that I can't rectify,
Meaning they shall remain with me,
For all eternity.

My mistakes and regrets,
Are all mixing together,
And are starting to drive me insane,
Nothing I do,
Will ever erase those mistakes,
Or make me forget my regrets,
I shall have to live with them,
And live with everyone's laughter,
Until the day I die,
Alone and unmourned,
And, worst of all,
Unloved,
Like a filthy rat.

Love Ignored

I love you,
I need you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

I want to hold you,
I want to kiss you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

I want to spend my life with you,
I want to marry you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

Now I'm begging you,
Love me like I love you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

Now I pull out a knife,
I threaten to take my own life,
Still you ignore me,
You never seem to notice me.

Life's Ending

Rain lashing,
Wind howling,
Floorboards creaking,
Fear increasing,
Footsteps approaching,
Heartbeat racing,
Face leering,
Mind numbing,
Knife rising,
Suddenly realising,
Knife's falling,
Pain ensuing,
Blood pouring,
Pain receding,
Numbness spreading,
Life's ending.

Let Down

I have let down everybody I know,
I haven't done as well as I should've,
I've let down all my teachers,
As these results are insulting to them,
I've let down my fellow classmates,
Who now mock me in a way they never did before,
I have let her down,
The one I love most in the world,
She would laugh at me if she saw these results.

But the worst thing of all is,
I have let myself down,
I haven't done myself justice,
I can do far better, I know I can,
But the pain of this failure,
Will haunt me forever.
Let's hope that my goals are achieved in the real thing,
Because if I don't reach them, my life will be ruined,
And my world will become a world of total misery.

Judgement Day

I am shaking with nerves,
My work has been passed on for judgment,
I fear what they will say,
I fear their criticisms,
Even though they can only help me.

The work has been passed onto friends,
That should offer me encouragement, but it doesn't,
It only makes me more nervous,
I fear they won't think it's good enough,
For their high standards.

I am summoned by them,
Judgment day is upon me,
I drop my suitcase on the way in,
My face turns bright red as I pick it up,
I have made a fool of myself.

They laugh,
Typical of him, they say,
I fidget with my tie while looking at them,
Nervously awaiting their verdict,
Their faces give nothing away...

Until they smile,
And say they think it's good!
My joy knew no boundaries,
It was beyond any over the top celebration.
I actually burst into tears!