Mistakes and Regrets

I drop to my knees in despair,
Yet another mistake,
To add to my ever-growing collection,
They are silly little blunders,
That shouldn't be happening,
But are,
Quite frequently.
I look up,
And I see everyone laughing,
Friends, enemies, everyone,
I don't blame them,
I'd laugh too,
If I wasn't the one making the mistakes.

The past continues to haunt me,
Like some sort of evil poltergeist,
Memories I would like to put to rest,
Return again and again,
To remind me of my stupidity,
Or of my weaknesses.
Everyone jokes about my past,
Thinking that it's funny,
But to me,
It's a history of my most shameful moments,
Moments that I can't rectify,
Meaning they shall remain with me,
For all eternity.

My mistakes and regrets,
Are all mixing together,
And are starting to drive me insane,
Nothing I do,
Will ever erase those mistakes,
Or make me forget my regrets,
I shall have to live with them,
And live with everyone's laughter,
Until the day I die,
Alone and unmourned,
And, worst of all,
Unloved,
Like a filthy rat.