I've just realised something incredible,
Something that's been staring me in the face for a long time,
I have an amazing life,
I get to go into college everyday and see great people,
I have the most amazing friends outside of college too,
I have no reason to be sad,
Not when I get to partake in random adventures,
That others would kill to take part in,
I can't afford to waste this opportunity,
This wonderful gift I've received...
All my old thoughts are gone...
I'm going nowhere.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Knives and Lies
The knives are out now,
The lies are spread,
One lie contradicts another,
Who's doing the lying?
Roommates stab each other in the back,
Friends slag off friends,
If you could even call them that,
Stuff is said that's designed to hurt,
To damage other friendships,
Retaliations are designed to end other relationships,
What is the point of all this lying?
No one wins in the end,
A sense of irreparable pain just grips everyone,
Nothing can be taken back...
The lies are spread,
One lie contradicts another,
Who's doing the lying?
Roommates stab each other in the back,
Friends slag off friends,
If you could even call them that,
Stuff is said that's designed to hurt,
To damage other friendships,
Retaliations are designed to end other relationships,
What is the point of all this lying?
No one wins in the end,
A sense of irreparable pain just grips everyone,
Nothing can be taken back...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Show Feeling, Please Talk
There’s no weakness in showing feeling,
There’s no weakness in talking to someone,
Remaining withdrawn only builds it up,
Opening up is the only way to release it all…
Common misconception is the weakness,
Not the bearing of human emotion to another,
So please, lift the blindness when doubts start to creep,
Share your worries with someone you can trust…
Please talk to someone who wants to help…
There’s no weakness in talking to someone,
Remaining withdrawn only builds it up,
Opening up is the only way to release it all…
Common misconception is the weakness,
Not the bearing of human emotion to another,
So please, lift the blindness when doubts start to creep,
Share your worries with someone you can trust…
Please talk to someone who wants to help…
Goodbye to Everyone
Well she said she’s gonna try,
She’s gonna try avoid the cry,
She’s gonna try and stop…
She’s gonna try get by,
Get by without that guy,
She’s gonna try forget…
I can see it in her eyes,
I can see all those lies,
I can see the broken pieces…
I can see it in her face,
Her mind’s all over the place,
She’s gone completely insane…
But still she’s gonna try,
She’s gonna try escape the cry,
She’s gonna try and smile…
But still I see the pain,
Her eyes are a dark lane,
She’s completely broken now…
And she sees only one escape,
Her mind’s tunnelled by hate,
She wants to runaway…
So she knots the hang man’s noose,
No part of it was loose,
And so she said goodbye…
Goodbye to a world of pain,
Goodbye to the insane,
Goodbye to everyone…
Goodbye to everyone…
(with this poem I was trying to think in the mindset of somebody close to me - needless to say the end result was disturbing but, thankfully, not the reality).
She’s gonna try avoid the cry,
She’s gonna try and stop…
She’s gonna try get by,
Get by without that guy,
She’s gonna try forget…
I can see it in her eyes,
I can see all those lies,
I can see the broken pieces…
I can see it in her face,
Her mind’s all over the place,
She’s gone completely insane…
But still she’s gonna try,
She’s gonna try escape the cry,
She’s gonna try and smile…
But still I see the pain,
Her eyes are a dark lane,
She’s completely broken now…
And she sees only one escape,
Her mind’s tunnelled by hate,
She wants to runaway…
So she knots the hang man’s noose,
No part of it was loose,
And so she said goodbye…
Goodbye to a world of pain,
Goodbye to the insane,
Goodbye to everyone…
Goodbye to everyone…
(with this poem I was trying to think in the mindset of somebody close to me - needless to say the end result was disturbing but, thankfully, not the reality).
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
No Answers
It's all going to waste,
A lack of distinction and taste,
People continue to live in ignorance,
No compliance, only defiance,
A light goes off in my mind,
Hard to find they're so unkind,
Try to shine, seek the divine,
Looking for life's eternal shrine,
Hearing nothing but lie after lie,
I continuously cry and cry,
Who is it that gives the answers?
Certainly not these chancers'...
Feelings hard to describe,
Receiving gibe after gibe,
What was my crime?
When is my time?
All so sudden,
When did this happen?
Questions and answers,
Still nothing from the chancers',
Alone now, surrounded by silence,
No help to be found, no guidance,
When do I find a friend?
Maybe when I find the end...
Eternity lasts as long as you believe it to...
A lack of distinction and taste,
People continue to live in ignorance,
No compliance, only defiance,
A light goes off in my mind,
Hard to find they're so unkind,
Try to shine, seek the divine,
Looking for life's eternal shrine,
Hearing nothing but lie after lie,
I continuously cry and cry,
Who is it that gives the answers?
Certainly not these chancers'...
Feelings hard to describe,
Receiving gibe after gibe,
What was my crime?
When is my time?
All so sudden,
When did this happen?
Questions and answers,
Still nothing from the chancers',
Alone now, surrounded by silence,
No help to be found, no guidance,
When do I find a friend?
Maybe when I find the end...
Eternity lasts as long as you believe it to...
Monday, March 24, 2008
Looking for Guidance
Many people went to heaven,
After the tragedy that was 9/11,
To this day, families mourn their loss,
Looking for guidance from the cross...
The henchmen of evil took those planes,
And carried out the inhumane,
Buildings collapsed amidst fire and smoke,
The people below began to choke...
Smoke billowed like masses of cloud,
The city was veiled by a dark shroud,
Ash fell from the sky like snow,
As peoples tears began to flow...
Thousands were lost beneath shards and rubble,
Finding everyone was too much trouble,
Skin and bones covered the ground,
If they could scream, they would've made the most horrible sound...
Heroic tales were made that day,
By the bold actions of the brave,
But they will never mask the tragedy,
Of one of the world's most horrific stories...
Many people went to heaven,
After the tragedy that was 9/11,
To this day, families mourn their loss,
Looking for guidance from the cross...
But finding no solace...
After the tragedy that was 9/11,
To this day, families mourn their loss,
Looking for guidance from the cross...
The henchmen of evil took those planes,
And carried out the inhumane,
Buildings collapsed amidst fire and smoke,
The people below began to choke...
Smoke billowed like masses of cloud,
The city was veiled by a dark shroud,
Ash fell from the sky like snow,
As peoples tears began to flow...
Thousands were lost beneath shards and rubble,
Finding everyone was too much trouble,
Skin and bones covered the ground,
If they could scream, they would've made the most horrible sound...
Heroic tales were made that day,
By the bold actions of the brave,
But they will never mask the tragedy,
Of one of the world's most horrific stories...
Many people went to heaven,
After the tragedy that was 9/11,
To this day, families mourn their loss,
Looking for guidance from the cross...
But finding no solace...
Friday, March 21, 2008
Looking Beyond the Face
A night time journey home,
Up stairs, all alone,
The window faces me,
My reflection I can clearly see,
Looking at it, just my face,
Looking in it, a dark place,
It changes shape, no longer my own,
Changes to forms of evil well known,
Eyes are nothing but blackness,
Filled with shadows and sadness,
A gateway to my broken soul,
To pieces scattered that once were whole,
Constantly coughing and coughing,
So much outer and inner choking,
Where am I now?
So much hate filled doubt,
My face is my own once more,
Yet still filled with the evil that went before…
Up stairs, all alone,
The window faces me,
My reflection I can clearly see,
Looking at it, just my face,
Looking in it, a dark place,
It changes shape, no longer my own,
Changes to forms of evil well known,
Eyes are nothing but blackness,
Filled with shadows and sadness,
A gateway to my broken soul,
To pieces scattered that once were whole,
Constantly coughing and coughing,
So much outer and inner choking,
Where am I now?
So much hate filled doubt,
My face is my own once more,
Yet still filled with the evil that went before…
Thursday, March 20, 2008
You Didn't Shake My Hand
Euphoric sounds wash over me,
The beat reverberates in my chest,
Everything is moving so fast,
But at the same time, so slow...
There you stand, the centre of it all,
So near, my flailing hand reaches,
Yet grasping only fresh air,
I wave furiously at you,
While chanting your name with reverence,
Yet you don't see my frantic waves,
You ignore them, favouring others...
This doesn't bring me down,
It doesn't ruin my night,
Because, even though we were separated by plastic,
I was close enough to you,
To drink down the music,
Suck in the experience,
And to cherish the moment,
A hand shake would've been the cherry,
But I still managed to pat you on the back,
Your smile finally acknowledging my existence,
But still no hand shake...
You didn't shake my hand...
But the sense of wonder and awe I felt...
Will live inside of me forever...
The beat reverberates in my chest,
Everything is moving so fast,
But at the same time, so slow...
There you stand, the centre of it all,
So near, my flailing hand reaches,
Yet grasping only fresh air,
I wave furiously at you,
While chanting your name with reverence,
Yet you don't see my frantic waves,
You ignore them, favouring others...
This doesn't bring me down,
It doesn't ruin my night,
Because, even though we were separated by plastic,
I was close enough to you,
To drink down the music,
Suck in the experience,
And to cherish the moment,
A hand shake would've been the cherry,
But I still managed to pat you on the back,
Your smile finally acknowledging my existence,
But still no hand shake...
You didn't shake my hand...
But the sense of wonder and awe I felt...
Will live inside of me forever...
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Ruining the Master Plan
They turn their backs on blatant betrayal,
While their friend lives in a world of denial,
He thinks he can lead a double life,
While his wife contemplates the knife,
He has no idea what he puts her through,
Even if he did, what would he do?
He tells his lover his wife was a mistake,
He claims once strong feelings were all fake,
He tells his wife his love is gone,
Then goes ahead and writes a song,
Telling the world how love has destroyed him,
Waiting for his new love to begin…
But then he sees no light at the end of the tunnel,
All his feelings are bottled through a funnel,
Until the bottle overflows,
And all the pent up emotion explodes,
Taking himself away from his loyal fans,
Ruining the back turners' grand master-plans...
While their friend lives in a world of denial,
He thinks he can lead a double life,
While his wife contemplates the knife,
He has no idea what he puts her through,
Even if he did, what would he do?
He tells his lover his wife was a mistake,
He claims once strong feelings were all fake,
He tells his wife his love is gone,
Then goes ahead and writes a song,
Telling the world how love has destroyed him,
Waiting for his new love to begin…
But then he sees no light at the end of the tunnel,
All his feelings are bottled through a funnel,
Until the bottle overflows,
And all the pent up emotion explodes,
Taking himself away from his loyal fans,
Ruining the back turners' grand master-plans...
Monday, March 17, 2008
Keep the Faith
People always hurt people,
But I wouldn’t dream of locking myself away,
Getting hurt is a part of life,
People always hurt each other,
But people always help people too,
For every bad thing to happen,
A good thing happens too,
Faith can’t be lost on the basis of one bad thing,
Belief must be kept,
Or else belief in life itself will be lost,
Leading to terrible thoughts,
Leading to horrible actions…
But I wouldn’t dream of locking myself away,
Getting hurt is a part of life,
People always hurt each other,
But people always help people too,
For every bad thing to happen,
A good thing happens too,
Faith can’t be lost on the basis of one bad thing,
Belief must be kept,
Or else belief in life itself will be lost,
Leading to terrible thoughts,
Leading to horrible actions…
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I've Finally Cried
Tonight the long overdue tears flowed,
Tonight I finally let go of the feelings,
That I’ve held onto for far too long,
Tonight I cried for things I hadn’t noticed before,
Like the simple lack of being told you’re making someone proud,
That’s something I don’t hear a lot…
I look at the trophies the years have brought,
But not once have those words,
Crossed their lips or flashed through their eyes,
I have always had to try convince myself they were there,
But I always felt they weren’t,
Yet, tonight I cried happily…
Because I’ve finally let go of my resentment,
I’ve let go of the confusion over his decision,
I’ve let go of my negative thoughts about weaknesses,
I’ve let go of anything I shouldn’t have held onto,
Of things that should’ve been let go more than five years ago,
So long regret…
Hello blue eyed clarity…
Hello tears of release…
Tonight I finally let go of the feelings,
That I’ve held onto for far too long,
Tonight I cried for things I hadn’t noticed before,
Like the simple lack of being told you’re making someone proud,
That’s something I don’t hear a lot…
I look at the trophies the years have brought,
But not once have those words,
Crossed their lips or flashed through their eyes,
I have always had to try convince myself they were there,
But I always felt they weren’t,
Yet, tonight I cried happily…
Because I’ve finally let go of my resentment,
I’ve let go of the confusion over his decision,
I’ve let go of my negative thoughts about weaknesses,
I’ve let go of anything I shouldn’t have held onto,
Of things that should’ve been let go more than five years ago,
So long regret…
Hello blue eyed clarity…
Hello tears of release…
Saturday, March 15, 2008
At Last
At last,
An escape from his past,
Peace and silence,
Away from life's violence,
Alone now, forevermore,
Closed behind him life's door,
Said his goodbyes,
They failed to realise,
That everyday,
Was utter dismay,
That behind his eyes,
Was a soul born to die...
He wrote a lot like this...
When did life he so callously dismiss?
An escape from his past,
Peace and silence,
Away from life's violence,
Alone now, forevermore,
Closed behind him life's door,
Said his goodbyes,
They failed to realise,
That everyday,
Was utter dismay,
That behind his eyes,
Was a soul born to die...
He wrote a lot like this...
When did life he so callously dismiss?
Desperation
A lot to do,
No time to do it,
I’m lost and confused,
No inch or bit,
Who knows the score?
No one, no where,
What’s it all for?
I have no care,
Too much, too soon,
Everything is everywhere,
No one’s in tune,
No chance to dare,
Singing different hymns,
At varying pitches,
Trying to absolve sins,
Ending up with stitches,
Help is nowhere,
Everyone is gone,
Losing my mind,
Singing this song…
There’s isolation…
There’s separation…
No celebration…
Just desperation…
(around the tenth Bebo page the Joy Division influence kicks in, and with Desperation it's clear I had been listening to Isolation by Joy Division a bit too much).
No time to do it,
I’m lost and confused,
No inch or bit,
Who knows the score?
No one, no where,
What’s it all for?
I have no care,
Too much, too soon,
Everything is everywhere,
No one’s in tune,
No chance to dare,
Singing different hymns,
At varying pitches,
Trying to absolve sins,
Ending up with stitches,
Help is nowhere,
Everyone is gone,
Losing my mind,
Singing this song…
There’s isolation…
There’s separation…
No celebration…
Just desperation…
(around the tenth Bebo page the Joy Division influence kicks in, and with Desperation it's clear I had been listening to Isolation by Joy Division a bit too much).
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Uncontrollable Thoughts
The war rages on,
The singer sings his song,
Things are going wrong,
Pain keeps coming along…
The fatigue settles in,
From committing different sins,
I’ve lost the will to win,
I just want the end to begin…
Life continues to live,
But I can no longer give,
I stand upon the edge of a cliff,
This is a thought I can’t forgive…
Mistakes are hard to reverse,
They are all so diverse,
My life seems like a curse,
Recorded in tragic verse…
My eyes suffer from tunnel vision,
I can see only one conclusion,
Where there once was division,
Lies a sudden realisation…
An escape is possible,
By committing the irreversible,
The thoughts are becoming unstoppable,
They are becoming uncontrollable…
The singer sings his song,
Things are going wrong,
Pain keeps coming along…
The fatigue settles in,
From committing different sins,
I’ve lost the will to win,
I just want the end to begin…
Life continues to live,
But I can no longer give,
I stand upon the edge of a cliff,
This is a thought I can’t forgive…
Mistakes are hard to reverse,
They are all so diverse,
My life seems like a curse,
Recorded in tragic verse…
My eyes suffer from tunnel vision,
I can see only one conclusion,
Where there once was division,
Lies a sudden realisation…
An escape is possible,
By committing the irreversible,
The thoughts are becoming unstoppable,
They are becoming uncontrollable…
Fading Smile
When I smile, I’m merely in denial,
I smile when I’m in emotional exile,
The only true smile is that of a child,
Adult smiles are completely defiled…
Confusion circles my brain,
Muddled thoughts are a ball and chain,
Hiding behind my smile, I’m safe,
Until I’m overcome by a lack of faith…
Turning, turning, constantly looking,
For help that just isn’t coming,
Retreating, retreating, back under the covers,
Sleepless, just like children’s mothers…
Everything seems so threatening now,
I’m told to keep the faith, but how?
Nothing makes sense anymore,
Everything is falling into evermore…
But still I continue to smile,
Everyone thinks I’m happy, when I’m in denial,
Non-existent pressure is destroying my mind,
My personality is fast becoming unkind…
Consideration and logic are fading fast…
I don’t know how much longer my smile can last...
I smile when I’m in emotional exile,
The only true smile is that of a child,
Adult smiles are completely defiled…
Confusion circles my brain,
Muddled thoughts are a ball and chain,
Hiding behind my smile, I’m safe,
Until I’m overcome by a lack of faith…
Turning, turning, constantly looking,
For help that just isn’t coming,
Retreating, retreating, back under the covers,
Sleepless, just like children’s mothers…
Everything seems so threatening now,
I’m told to keep the faith, but how?
Nothing makes sense anymore,
Everything is falling into evermore…
But still I continue to smile,
Everyone thinks I’m happy, when I’m in denial,
Non-existent pressure is destroying my mind,
My personality is fast becoming unkind…
Consideration and logic are fading fast…
I don’t know how much longer my smile can last...
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The White Man Betrays the Indian
There was once a lonely Indian,
His clan had been lost in shoot outs,
He wandered the wild, wild west,
In search of more like him...
He remembered those shoot outs well,
His clan's screams of fear and pain lived inside him,
The heartbreak of loss he carried everywhere,
As a reminder not to trust the white man...
One day he came across a white man,
Wariness gripped the Indian,
But the white man said he meant no harm,
He too was looking for companionship...
So the Indian did what life taught him not to do,
He trusted the word of the white man,
His clear blue eyes,
Held no malice for the Indian...
So then the two of them,
The white man and the Indian,
Wandered throughout the wild, wild west,
In search of a means to live by...
But one fateful morning,
The Indian awoke to loud yells of triumph,
He opened his eyes and saw before him,
The same group of cowboys who had killed his clan...
The Indian looked at the white man,
The white man couldn't hold his gaze,.
The white man had betrayed the Indian,
Just for some food and water...
The yells of anguish from the Indian echoed all 'round,
As he lay there dying, he wore a betrayed expression,
That look would stay with the white man forever...
The echo of his anguished scream...
Would reverberate in the white man's conscience for eternity.
(inspired by Gary White's wee musical composition with the same title; it was one of the Otho demos)
His clan had been lost in shoot outs,
He wandered the wild, wild west,
In search of more like him...
He remembered those shoot outs well,
His clan's screams of fear and pain lived inside him,
The heartbreak of loss he carried everywhere,
As a reminder not to trust the white man...
One day he came across a white man,
Wariness gripped the Indian,
But the white man said he meant no harm,
He too was looking for companionship...
So the Indian did what life taught him not to do,
He trusted the word of the white man,
His clear blue eyes,
Held no malice for the Indian...
So then the two of them,
The white man and the Indian,
Wandered throughout the wild, wild west,
In search of a means to live by...
But one fateful morning,
The Indian awoke to loud yells of triumph,
He opened his eyes and saw before him,
The same group of cowboys who had killed his clan...
The Indian looked at the white man,
The white man couldn't hold his gaze,.
The white man had betrayed the Indian,
Just for some food and water...
The yells of anguish from the Indian echoed all 'round,
As he lay there dying, he wore a betrayed expression,
That look would stay with the white man forever...
The echo of his anguished scream...
Would reverberate in the white man's conscience for eternity.
(inspired by Gary White's wee musical composition with the same title; it was one of the Otho demos)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The Wanderer's Wildflower
The wanderer dressed in black,
Searches for life's answers,
In every hole and beneath every crack,
Until he realises it's pointless,
As fifty years of endless searching,
Has brought nothing but pain,
Yet he strives to keep going,
Because of the mere presence of her,
The one who can bring fear and inspiration,
The wanderer's wildflower...
She has filled him with joy,
She has broken his heart,
His proposals to her are coy,
But her rejections are harsh,
As she fears to ask when,
Heartache has always been a companion,
And she fears to fall again,
But her heart reaches out to him,
And the wanderer finally stopped wandering,
As the whole time his answer was right in front of him...
She was the one who he wanted to give everything...
The wildflower was the one to whom he wanted to sing...
Searches for life's answers,
In every hole and beneath every crack,
Until he realises it's pointless,
As fifty years of endless searching,
Has brought nothing but pain,
Yet he strives to keep going,
Because of the mere presence of her,
The one who can bring fear and inspiration,
The wanderer's wildflower...
She has filled him with joy,
She has broken his heart,
His proposals to her are coy,
But her rejections are harsh,
As she fears to ask when,
Heartache has always been a companion,
And she fears to fall again,
But her heart reaches out to him,
And the wanderer finally stopped wandering,
As the whole time his answer was right in front of him...
She was the one who he wanted to give everything...
The wildflower was the one to whom he wanted to sing...
Monday, March 3, 2008
The Scream
Her face was deathly white,
Her scream pierced the night,
It sent shudders down my spine,
Breaking an unbreakable line,
His body was found hanging,
His mind was filled with flashing,
He felt like there was no escaping,
A life that was his for the taking...
All she wanted was his love,
To him that was far too much,
He had given it to another,
Hurting his child's mother,
Now he sees his whole life fall apart,
His mind tells him to flee and depart,
In a way so permanent and forever,
That mention of a return would be followed by 'never'...
Now his former love's scream echoes with violence...
All he wanted was solitude and silence...
Her scream pierced the night,
It sent shudders down my spine,
Breaking an unbreakable line,
His body was found hanging,
His mind was filled with flashing,
He felt like there was no escaping,
A life that was his for the taking...
All she wanted was his love,
To him that was far too much,
He had given it to another,
Hurting his child's mother,
Now he sees his whole life fall apart,
His mind tells him to flee and depart,
In a way so permanent and forever,
That mention of a return would be followed by 'never'...
Now his former love's scream echoes with violence...
All he wanted was solitude and silence...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
The Inevitable
If you're scared of death there's no point living,
Because death in this life is a given,
It surrounds all of us all of the time,
Lurking around every corner, etched on every sign,
So there's no point peering over your shoulder,
Just to make your heart go prematurely colder,
You should just live every day to the utmost,
Not spend them thinking about past ghosts,
As life and death are forever intertwined,
Your death certificate is already signed...
So don't concern yourself with thoughts of what's unavoidable...
Just live life without thinking about the inevitable...
Because death in this life is a given,
It surrounds all of us all of the time,
Lurking around every corner, etched on every sign,
So there's no point peering over your shoulder,
Just to make your heart go prematurely colder,
You should just live every day to the utmost,
Not spend them thinking about past ghosts,
As life and death are forever intertwined,
Your death certificate is already signed...
So don't concern yourself with thoughts of what's unavoidable...
Just live life without thinking about the inevitable...
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