Galway Girl

Hey Galway girl,
You are my perfect pearl,
Who shines so bright,
That you dim all other light...

Hey Galway girl,
With your hair with a slight curl,
You send me absolutely crazy,
You make my memory go all hazy...

Hey Galway girl,
Will your plan really unfurl?
Your wandering hand won't win,
You'll be the first to commit the sin...

Hey Galway girl,
Give me a wee twirl,
So your elegance can shine,
And I can brag about how you are mine...

Hey Galway girl,
You are better than all the other girls,
As you and I had that magical kiss,
The moment of which I greatly miss...

The thought of which sends me into bliss...

Did You Mean it?

Did you mean it?
Don't lie to me...
I would prefer honesty...

Did you mean it?
I thought our friendship was strong...
Clearly I thought wrong...

Did you mean it?
An unbreakable bond is gone...
Our trust is no longer ever long...

Did you mean it?
I really hope you can see...
The tremendous pain you're causing me...

Did you mean it?
I really hope it was worth it...
I hope you enjoy your bit...

Did you mean it?
I want you to answer the question truthfully...
At least do me that courtesy...

Did you mean it?

Darkness is Coming Again

On the horizon of my life,
I can see darkness gathering again,
Another loved one of someone close to me,
Is slowly but painfully surely,
Heading towards its eye...

The loved one is so old and frail,
Her still living could be called cruel,
Her eventual death will bring relief aswell as pain,
But that won't make the pain any easier to take,
More tears will be shed, just like before...

Sisters bonded by blood and love,
Try desperately to defend their beloved grandmother,
But once the darkness begins to stir,
The outcome is inevitable,
Death is unavoidable...

For one sister, this death could bring emancipation,
From the shackles that threaten to ruin her life,
But given the choice, she would gladly remain shackled,
If her grandmother could remain alive,
But the darkness doesn't do such deals...

It just sets its eye on someone...
And that someone becomes no one...

Fridays

On this day alcohol flows like rivers,
Generations long gone get the shivers,
It is the end to a very long week,
It provides the reprieve that people need,
Allowing for midweek woes to be forgotten,
Amidst booze ups that seem to be rotten,
The time is seemingly well spent,
Getting drunk and saying things not really meant...

Woes are forgotten in many different ways...
All in all, there are no days like Fridays...

Sometimes they can be good,
Just like all Fridays should,
But sometimes they can be bad,
As alcohol can make people pretty sad,
And depending on how they go,
The week's worries do not show,
Or they could make an appearance and get worse,
Causing temperaments to burst...

Woes are dealt with in many different ways...
All in all, they are no days like Fridays...

Cruelty of Men

Our souls are as empty as an open grave,
Our hearts are as black as a black hole,
Men care only for themselves,
The thoughts and feelings of others,
Are never taken into consideration...

What self-respecting man would make a woman cry?
The answer should be 'no man',
But men are not self-respecting at all,
We don't even respect other people,
We'll gladly break hearts for personal gain...

The nicest women in the world are always the ones,
That receive the most heartbreak from men,
They open up their hearts to us,
And we, as self-centred idiots, take full advantage,
Taking all we can before moving on...

To smash another woman's feelings to pieces,
As that is the cowardly man's way,
We refuse to open up,
Our response to women trying to interpret our feelings,
Is to hurt them so much, they don't want to know anymore...

Our cruelty knows no bounds,
And it plagues all men,
No matter how nice they seem on the surface,
Underneath it all, the black heart beats,
Selfishly searching to improve its own life...

And that is the sad and undeniable truth...

(this poem is the solitary inclusion from Bebo page seven 'cause they're all quite boring and 'cause I still see signs all around me that Cruelty of Men still has a relevant point).

Heartbeat

During the harsh darkness of the night,
I am reassured by the constant beating,
Of the heart that I have fallen for...

I lie on her immense chest,
Listening to fast paced beating,
It is so soothing on the ear...

I lift my head for only one reason,
To kiss the lips of the heartbeat's owner,
Before lying back down on her chest again...

To allow the heart's beating to put me into a wonderful sleep...

Borders

There are certain borders that shouldn't be crossed...
Otherwise all sorts of things could be lost...

Life's borders are a social construction,
Set up in a way that can cause destruction,
Meaningless jokes could be taken as insults,
Friendships could be ended over resulting tumults,
Life's borders can cause turmoil,
Pushing tempers so high they boil,
Recoil and retaliation are how borders are crossed,
The inability to keep it shut are how friends are lost...

Silly things like needless back-sassing,
Push people to retaliate by harassing,
Relationships are blown open by hurtful words,
The borders that life has made are absurd,
No one ever means to hurt another,
But the borders push people so close they smother,
Tempers become frayed, friends become dismayed,
Things are said and the ultimate price is paid...

There are certain borders that shouldn't be crossed...
Otherwise all sorts of things could be lost...

Betrayal

You claim my presence is a must,
You play on our brotherly bond of trust,
You say you desperately need to see me,
No reason is given, but that doesn't bother me,
I'm just worried about you my friend,
I just want to be there for you until the end...

It is this that you take advantage of,
Knowing I'll be there no matter what,
You never gave a reason as to why I was needed,
But now I see, before I was blinded,
It is only my friend that you are interested in,
You're committing yourself to another sin...

I'm only needed so it doesn't look awkward,
Our brotherly friendship is now wayward,
I thought our trust would never be broken,
By you the fool, cowardly words are spoken,
You have betrayed me without a single care,
And now all of your lies have been laid bare...

And Still I Can't Cry

The time has finally come for me to let you go,
Even though we both don't want to know,
That our time together has finally ended,
It will take a long time before our hearts are mended,
It will take a long time before I can find another,
Because you are the one I want, no other...

And still I find myself unable to cry,
As I watch you go, rain falls from the sky,
Tonight, the rain does all my crying for me,
As I deal with the fact that we are no longer a 'we',
I stand alone in the train station, it's always been a cold place,
It's alot colder now knowing I can no longer see your face...

I used to always love kissing your cheek,
I can't anymore, another I must seek,
But I don't want to be with anyone else,
You are the one I want, yet even now I hear bells,
That tell me it is time for me to say goodbye,
That it is time to realise you are no longer mine...

And still I find myself unable to cry...

Hold Her Close

She's only in the next room,
But I can't go near her,
Fathers are like barriers,
Unmoveable, unshakeable...

I just want to hold her close,
I just want to smell her hair,
I just want to fold my hands,
Tightly around her own...

Loneliness is a dangerous thing,
That can strike at any time,
Even when you're not actually alone,
As anything can separate anyone...

Whether it be walls or fathers,
Or friends or sisters,
They can all separate me from her,
At times when all I want to do...

Is hold her close to me....
So I don't get lonely...

Two-Faced

You're nice on the surface,
Yet evil underneath,
Manipulation is your game,
You gain trust by being kind,
Before betraying it for your own gain,
You don't care who you hurt,
As long as you benefit,
Your concerns on the surface,
Mask your heart's laughter,
You're a man with two faces...

The most conniving you could ever hope to meet...

These Things Happen

I feel the pain of rejection again,
But this time, I know it's not the end,
I've finally realised I still have what's important,
My family and friends, they're coherent,
My family provides the ever present support,
My friends provide the shoulder and the comfort,
I've finally gotten over not making her mine,
Because I'm surrounded by people who are simply divine,
My life's priorities have been all wrong in recent times,
I put finding another ahead of all other climbs,
But not anymore, I know now what's of real value,
I need to keep all of my friends, especially you,
I know now that these things happen,
That things like rejection always happen,
And I also know not to let it ruin me,
I know what's most important now, I can finally see...

That friends are more important than anything...

There and Back Again

Before I have felt all this pain...
I have been there and back again...

The heartache is never ending,
Same mistakes, why keep pretending?
Life's lessons will never be learned,
Opportunities to rectify, constantly spurned,
Every kiss tastes of deceit,
Why don't I just admit defeat?
There is no one out there for me,
I should just bury myself already,
Bury myself so so deep,
That I'll be put into never ending sleep,
I'm tired of failing to learn from before,
I just want to fall away into nevermore...

As before I have felt all this pain...
I have been there and back again...

The Most Glorious Sight

It is times like this,
I wish I could be with you,
Hold you tightly to me,
Play with your hair,
Lose myself in your eyes,
Feel your warmth,
Kiss your lips,
Before drifting off in your arms...

And waking up to the most glorious sight...
That a man could ever wake up to...

Sleeping without you,
Is like losing you forever,
And while our love is only new,
I would feel horribly lost without you,
Especially during times like this,
Where the doubts start creeping,
I need to fall into your arms,
And drift off to the most comfortable of sleeps...

Before waking up to the most glorious sight...
That a man could ever wake up to...

The Last Poem

This is the end,
Don't be angry my friend,
It was always going to end some day,
It was always going to end in some way,
I have had a lot of ups and downs,
I have had plenty of smiles and plenty of frowns,
Yet you were always there for me,
Reading my poems, allowing me to be free,
I have written away all of my emotions,
I have written away all of my devotions,
The time has come for me to retire the pen,
But this last one is for you my friend...

You know me inside-out and upside-down,
You know my every smile and my every frown,
You always know exactly how I am feeling,
Even if I didn't tell you I had been crying,
You know me better than I know myself,
But into all of my feelings I have delved,
You now know everything about me,
Which is why this is the end of my poetry...

But please don't ever stop smiling,
Your smile makes everyone start smiling,
Please don't ever start crying,
Your tears make everyone start crying,
Please don't ever change the way you are,
You're a wonderful person, you're a star,
Please don't ever forget about me,
Even though I have now stopped writing...

This last one is for you my friend...
A piece of me will always be with you until the eternal end...

The Last Hurrah Before the Final Fall

It was a night filled with music and dancing,
With humorous antics like flag stealing,
It was a night where everything went perfect,
Where the problems underneath my laughter,
Were nowhere to be seen...

I was up with all my friends,
Laughing and dancing,
It seemed I had turned the corner,
But just like all diseases and problems,
Things improved so much, it looked like I was past it all...

Before everything fell apart again...
For one last time...

The Kiss

Not a day into my liberation,
And something has happened that defies imagination,
A day after I said I would just wait and see,
And already I can see quite clearly,
You are the one that has stolen my heart,
You are the one who has given me a fresh start…

On a couch in Henry we laid,
It was the stuff that dreams are made,
We were lying in a way that meant we were upside-down,
But we kissed all the same, not a hint of a frown,
It was wonderfully amazing,
Looking into those eyes was like star gazing…

All the way home I sang and smiled,
The memory of that kiss driving me wild,
Thoughts of you send my mind into a frenzy,
Knowing I’ll see you again makes me go crazy,
The magic of that moment will stay with me forever,
The power of that kiss will remain until ever becomes never…

That kiss was so very special to me…
I hope more will come throughout eternity...

The First Star

While standing, waiting, facing the sea,
I look up at the night sky,
There, the moon shines as bright as the sun,
It is a beautiful sight to behold...

Then I see a little light flicker in the sky,
The first star of the night has appeared,
It shines like a tiny candle,
Beside the blazing fire of the moon...

They say make a wish upon the first star of the night,
So I wish for the obvious thing,
The hand of the woman I think about constantly,
So I can share times like this with her...

Having made my wish,
I look away for a split second,
And look back again,
Only to find that the first star had vanished...

Is it a sign of my wish being granted?

The Breakdown

The breakdown has finally happened,
Years of mental barriers are destroyed,
The fake personality that has been created,
Has finally come flying apart,
All the love and the plaudits that have been awarded to me,
Are all snatched away,
They were all earned in an underhand way,
I don't deserve them,
And never will...

The brain has finally cracked under pressure,
The years of lying have taken their toll,
Everything dark comes into the light,
A lot of innocent people are hurt,
I have betrayed their trust and friendship,
They have befriended someone who wasn't me,
Someone who was a complete stranger to me,
But now the stranger has been beaten,
The image of him is now distorted,
Until it now resembles the true personality of myself...

The selfish, twisted and self loathing fool is now back again...

Screaming Bullets

A mind consumed by nothing but madness,
Following years of nothing but sadness,
A mentally broken shadow of a man,
Has ruined God's ingenious musical master plan...

He abandons the one he claims he loves,
Her love for him never seemed to be enough,
He goes to New York and he gets a gun,
And the screams of the bullets were heard by everyone...

Every night he screams and screams,
Yet he only ever screams silently,
The screams echo in his chest painfully,
He shares in everyone's pain, he knows of it already...

Then one night his silence broke,
On his own tears he began to choke,
It seemed he would walk away from this horrible act,
But in the end he couldn't break his own pact...

That night the gun did his screaming,
That night millions started grieving,
That night innocent blood was spilled,
That night a God amongst men was killed...

That night he pulled the trigger of the gun...
That night he shot the immortal John Lennon.

Diamonds & Gems

Those lights in your eyes,
Could brighten any dark sky,
They light the way,
Come what may,
Dark passages and caves,
Illuminate under your rays...

Those diamonds and gems...
People claim sunrise upon seeing them...

When matched with that smile,
You can be spotted from a million miles,
They shine so bright,
You never leave my sight,
From no one, can you ever hide,
So bright are those glorious lights...

Those diamonds and gems...
Wishes are made upon seeing them...

Those lights will shine forever,
They are too bright to ever say never,
They are like an everlasting fire,
Burning brightly, blinding liars,
Seeing them is like a dream,
Certainties suddenly aren't what they seem...

Those diamonds and gems...
Tears flow upon seeing them...

They shine like headlights in cars,
Maybe brighter, bright as the stars,
Smiles are raised wherever they go,
To places of misfortune, they give hope,
All frowns are turned upside down,
Those eyes are the jewels in life's crown...

Those diamonds and gems...
Hearts glow upon seeing them...

(whenever I read this back I'm convinced I was re-reading Emerald at the time of writing it 'cause it wreaks of Emerald wannabe, even though Diamonds & Gems is probably better in the sense that it has more fluidity).

Moonlight

The light of the moon in the sky,
Creates shadows that the sun would be envious of,
The clouds all part due to the brightness of the night,
A cloudy night is now cloudless,
An average skyline is now mesmerising...

The light of the moon can guide,
The light of the moon can show the way,
I know I will find my way home tonight,
Because the moonlight's rays will protect me,
And make sure I see my bed again...

Liberation

I've finally done it,
I've finally broken free of the shackles,
That bound my heart to my head,
I've finally escaped the mind consuming idea,
That the most important thing in life is love,
I'm free from the ball and chain,
Free from the thoughts of endless heartbreak,
I've experienced everything life has to offer,
Love, hate and everything in between,
But now I've broken free of my mental constraints,
And my friend opens her arms and proclaims,
It's good to have you back...

To which my reply is...
It's good to be back...

I Love You More

I have been shaken to my heart's core,
I have never felt this feeling before,
Of having someone to put to the fore,
Of having someone to say 'I love you more...'

When with me, she never has to open a door,
She never has to worry about war,
She only has to look at the shore,
While I whisper in her ear 'I love you more...'

She is the one who makes me soar,
She is the one who makes my heart roar,
She is the one I want to be with forevermore,
She is the one who always says 'I love you more...'

A moment with her is never a bore,
We argue about who loves who more,
People ask what do we do that for,
The answer is in the feelings we pore...

When we say to each other 'I love you more...'

Emancipation

I read my writings of old,
And am surprised by how much I have changed,
I always thought I'd love her forever,
But now it seems I might be finally over her...

It's very strange reading my old writings,
As it's hard to believe my feelings were that strong,
When now I feel almost nothing,
Now I feel like she's just another person...

She was my first love,
Not that she ever knew,
And she will always hold a special place in my heart,
Even if I don't in hers...

Everything I wrote about her still stands,
Those feelings did exist once,
But they don't anymore,
It seems like my heart is free...

Free for me to give to whom I please.

Don't Worry

You wear a concerned expression,
I ask you why you do so,
You say someone has mocked the way you look,
I say that for them to do that is crazy,
You're beautiful, you're amazing...

And anyone who says otherwise is just jealous...

From a Dance to Romance

It was in the middle of the dance floor,
Where I first saw you and nothing more,
Where I first spotted your pretty face,
And saw you moving with such amazing grace,
That I wanted no one else but you,
With a pause in your elegance being the cue,
For me to ask you a burning question,
The answer of which I waited for with trepidation...

Would you care to dance with me?
Your smile and nod made my heart dance with glee,
It was then we danced the night away,
Danced for so long that night became day,
That night we got lost in the atmosphere,
Yet my muddled thoughts suddenly became clear,
You are the only one I want to kiss,
So I move in, hoping for bliss...

Our lips touch...
My thoughts start to rush...

How did we go from a simple dance...
To all this love and romance?

Don't Be Afraid

Whenever you want something so nice,
You just have to take a chance and roll the dice,
You have to risk everything in your life,
Just to move on and end this internal strife,
Playing it safe is the easy way out,
In your mind it seemingly leaves no doubt,
Yet by playing it safe you will never truly know,
What your life would've been like had you given it a go,
So don't ever be afraid to try anything new,
You never know where it might lead you,
And even if it ends in pain and it makes you cry,
You're safe in the knowledge that you at least gave it a try...

Death in His Cloak

They hardly ever spoke,
They were just a bunch of quiet folk,
But for no reason along came Death in his cloak,
And burned their town up in fire and smoke,
The vicious flames he continued to stoke,
To him it was nothing but a cruel joke,
But now all the town's people's tears do is soak...

They hardly ever spoke...
Not even when Death came along in his cloak...

Growing Feelings

The more I'm around you,
The more I become attached to you,
The more I'm away from you,
The more I miss you,
The more I talk to you,
The more I realise I need you,
The more I kiss you,
The more my feelings grow for you...

And every time you walk out that door,
It becomes clear that I need you more...

Damn That Wonderful Elf

I am left truly amazed,
Damn that wonderful elf,
An hour ago I was mentally AWOL,
I was dead to the world,
My life had no meaning or purpose,
But now, here I sit,
Laughing and crying,
Laughing at the stupidity of my thoughts,
Yet crying because they are not that stupid at all,
But it is better than just crying and crying,
Crying until I end up dying,
And now all I can say is,
Damn that wonderful elf...

I don't know whether to thank him or berate him...

Caught in the Middle

Both are good friends of mine,
To see them both this upset,
With nothing but tears of frustration pouring from their eyes,
Causes tears to well in my own eyes,
It causes heartbreak that's hard to take...

They have been together for a long time now,
Maybe that's the root of the problem,
But the loss of a leader from his life,
Doesn't help matters at all,
She cries her tears constantly...

They both come to me, wondering what to do,
This isn't some meaningless adolescent fling,
This is a serious relationship in a delicate situation,
She wants to keep him for ever and ever,
She needs him...

But his feelings are completely different,
He tells me of his inconsiderateness,
Of how he cares only for himself,
Yet, after all that has happened in recent times,
I wouldn't begrudge him his time alone...

He says all he wants is to run away,
Run away to a place where he can never be found,
To a place where neither sight nor sound,
Can be seen or heard by anyone,
For miles around...

They seek help and I would give it to them,
Only I'm not really sure what to say,
All I want is for everything to be ok,
All I want is for all those tears to stop,
All I want is to be pulled from the middle...

Because, once I am, it means it will all be over...
For better or for worse...

A Horrible Night

For good reason,
I speak to no one,
Everyone's concerns,
Are met with a dismissive
"I'm grand..."

They ask what's wrong,
Speaking my mind,
Would only result in awkwardness,
Similar to that of before,
I am not prepared to risk all again...

My blank, lifeless stare,
Strikes fear into my friends,
Their concern is no concern of mine,
My heart is ready to kill,
To satisfy its burning desires...

The party rages on,
My heart screams on,
Everyone dances on,
My stare is harsh and long,
Away into the night sky...

I know I've lost her,
Desperation grips my heart,
I never had her,
Desperation clings onto hope,
Before finally slipping away...

Then the great depression begins to fall...

Finally

It has finally happened,
The years of pain and suffering,
And agonizing waiting,
Are finally over,
I have found someone...

She is worth the stars and the moon,
Her smile lights up like the sun,
She has a face worthy of any painting,
Full of colour and life,
While her eyes could cheer even the most despondent of hearts...

Every kiss means something,
Every hug carries a strong welling of emotion,
Every gesture comes straight from the heart,
Every compliment is nothing but the truth,
Everything that comes from her is so very special...

She is the one who has finally given me a chance,
She is the one who has decided to take a chance,
She is the one who finally feels like I do,
Who likes me just as much as I like her,
Who kisses with the same passion as I do...

Finally I have found someone I can call my own...
Finally I am no longer alone...

A Heartbreaking Choice?

Words are spoken that I dread to hear,
At a time when, for me, happiness is so near,
She says that women can't be best friends with men,
Other halves don't appreciate that, but I want to know since when?
Her words have led me to fear for our friendship,
Any words I speak could end it, even if they are just a slip,
She makes it sound as if I have to make a choice,
A heartbreaking choice between love and friends that can't end in rejoice,
Why is it I can't have both of these wonderful things?
The thought of having them both almost gives me wings,
But back in the harsh world of reality, they are clipped,
I land with a thud, before being asked which...

Now is where the heart begins to break,
Now is where I lose something that was so hard to make,
Now is where I am forced to choose,
Now is where I have to choose what to lose...

Win...

Belief...
Courses through me like never before.

Desire...
Burns in my chest like it's never been away.

Confidence...
Is the highest I have ever known it.

Everything is there,
There's only one thing to do now...

Win.

Ups and Downs

The ups and downs of my heart are very frequent,
But the breakneck speed at which my heart rose this time,
And the breakneck speed at which it was brought crashing back down again,
Astounds even me who expects these ups and downs to be painful...

We chatted the night away on the fifth night,
My heart got carried away with itself and soared into the night sky,
Then on the sixth night you were kissing the lips of another,
My heart crashed back down as if it had been shot...

I know how easily I become attached to people,
I know that this will result in heartbreak most of the time,
But the speed of this most recent up and down,
Makes me wonder if I should bother at all...

Makes me wonder if someone I like will ever like me back...

Unforgivable

I always throw away something valuable,
That is something to which I'm always culpable,
I always hurt the people I love,
My apologies are never enough,
Which is why I am not apologising here,
I am just wishing joy on you, my dear,
I am not asking you for forgiveness,
I am just wishing you the world's happiness,
My stupidity never ceases to amaze me,
That's why I don't expect you to forgive me,
But I will say one thing,
The times we spent together will always mean something,
I will cherish those moments for eternity,
Even if you rightly banish them from your own memory,
But I would like to think you would spare a thought,
For the boy you once knew, when he had a heart...

Unbreakable Bond

Our friendship has come a long way,
We can talk to each other about anything,
Those early insecurities around you are gone,
The shyness I once had around you is no more...

We stay up late at night,
Chatting and laughing about good times,
Or comforting and supporting each other,
During those rare bad times...

I would walk to ends of the earth,
Just to ensure this bond never breaks,
I would gladly suffer for the rest of my life,
If it meant you being happy for the rest of yours...

You are the one person I can trust completely,
The one person I can always talk to,
The one person who will always be there for me,
The one person I would easily trust with my own life...

Our friendship has come a long way,
Now an unbreakable bond exists between us,
Nothing shall ever break that bond,
Nothing in life, nothing in death...

And nothing in between...

Tired

I'm tired of having sand kicked in my face,
I'm tired of being the butt of all the jokes,
I'm tired of the constant rejection,
I'm tired of trying to be nice to people,
Only for it to be thrown straight back at me...

I'm tired of the laughter,
I'm tired of the meaningless compliments,
I'm tired of the false smiles,
I'm tired of the hidden feelings,
That are only exposed when my eyes are closed...

I'm tired of trying to do what's right,
When those around me mock me,
I'm tired of trying to help others,
When others won't help me in times of need,
I'm tired of everything...

And everyone is tired of me...
It's over...
My company won't be forced on them anymore...
Time to confine myself to my mind...
Time to realise what I thought was real...

Was actually all a barrel of lies...

The Search

The search is on,
The search for those lost feelings,
That I once had for you...

The search is on for those feelings,
That I thought would stay with me,
Until the end of my days...

But are now buried deep inside of me,
Beneath all those broken, red shards,
Beneath of what's left of my heart...

Those red shards are all that's left,
From all those failed attempts,
To find someone who felt the same as I did...

The search is on,
To find those feelings of my first love,
To allow me to go back to the beginning...

And live, once again, in blissful ignorance,
In the world of youth and innocence,
With a heart that is whole...

And not scattered everywhere,
Except where it's meant to be...

Unspoken Words

Not a single word was spoken,
They met up with each other,
Embraced and kissed,
Yet something in the kiss told her,
It could be one of their last...

Their eyes met,
Their gazes held,
It was then she could tell,
His eyes had lost the spark,
They once had upon seeing her...

He opened his mouth to speak,
No words came out,
He couldn't bring himself to say anything,
Yet it was becoming clear he didn't need to,
Tears began to well in her eyes...

She squeezed his hand lovingly,
In an effort to show she still wanted this,
But he pulled it away,
He was too young for this seriousness,
Their eyes met once more...

And in each others' gaze,
They knew their time had ended,
Both their eyes were filled with tears now,
Actions speak louder than words,
And they parted ways...

Without so much as a single word to each other,
Not to be dramatic,
Not to be hurtful,
Not to be spiteful,
And not to be heartless...

But simply because they weren't needed...

The Price of Happiness

Nothing in life comes for free,
Everything in life has a price,
Whether it be a financial one,
Or an emotional one,
Everything comes at a cost...

If you don't take a chance,
On something you think is worth chancing,
You could be left with that feeling,
That feeling everyone hates to feel,
That feeling of regret...

If you do take a chance,
On something you think is worth chancing,
You could end up ruining something,
Something very special to you,
That leaves you with a feeling of irreversible sadness...

It's hard to decide what is worth chancing,
It's hard to decide what is worth the cost,
But you never know until you take the chance,
Because one day the price you pay,
Could end up being worth every penny...

And you'll be forever happy for paying it...

The Beginning

This is where it all started,
Back on the first day of 'big school',
Not even a full year into my teens,
I see my friend from football,
Waving ecstatically at me,
He stands beside someone,
A young relative of his...

Something overcame me that day,
My mouth went dry,
My heart was beating madly in my chest,
We didn't even exchange pleasantries,
We didn't need to,
Without even meaning to or trying to,
She had already caught me...

And she would hold onto me,
Unknowingly,
For nearly five years,
But now those feelings of love have vanished,
As so much has happened to me since that day,
I have grown up,
But my heart seems to have grown down...

The Magic of Music in Motion

That feeling of the drumbeat in my chest,
That sound of the guitar screeching through the air,
That voice singing lyrics that mean something to a generation...
All this makes me feel inspired and empowered,
That's the magic that music has over us all,
It's influential and galvanizing,
Thought-provoking and heart-lifting,
So much so, that it's worth standing on the soaking wet grass,
On a cold November's evening,
To witness such a wonderful blend of charismatic instrumentals,
And heartfelt melodies,
Only one thing could make this better now...

Yet as I turn to search for her,
I see her in the arms of another,
Kissing and caressing,
It would be like watching music-in-motion,
If it could be me kissing her fair lips,
While caressing her elegant back,
As it is though, I can only stand helplessly by,
Watching this heartbreaking sight,
As slowly but surely,
The magical power of the music fades away,
To be replaced by that old, familiar feeling,
That at this stage, I constantly peer over my shoulder for...

At least I can always feel the magic of music,
Even if I never get to feel its magic in motion...

(written around the time of Bloc Party's Phoenix Park gig, this poem is a perfect example of something that happens to me far too often: an interesting idea executed poorly - gig was class, though).

The Day I Die

On the day I die,
I hope to fly high into the sky,
Wearing the green and white of Celtic on my chest,
Holding my notebook tightly to my breast,
I will have Hoppipola ringing in my ears,
Hopefully stopping the flow of all those tears,
All my friends will be there to say farewell,
As my departure is marked by the knell of the church bell...

This is not my funeral that I am describing...
It is the celebration of my life with all those still living...

Take it Away

My heart should be taken away from me,
Not as a punishment for a bad deed,
But as a reprieve from the cruel games it plays...

My head has been spun around and around,
I've been infatuated,
I've been heartbroken...

I've been there and back again,
Yet still I sit here,
Just as unclear as I was when I first noticed emotion...

Just as lonely as I was when I first noticed emotion,
Just as confused and vexed,
Dazed and perplexed as I was when I first noticed emotion...

Age has brought me no wisdom,
My heart should be taken away from me,
Until I learn how to control it...

Until I learn its clever little game...

Vampire

Through an alley way you chase me down,
Drag me to a place where no one makes a sound,
You bare those crooked white teeth,
I don't need to know what lies beneath,
The blood of past victims sprays from your mouth,
My blood will be yours soon, without a doubt,
You will suck everything from my body,
Until I am just like you, sparing nobody,
You will take my soul away from me,
But maybe then I'll be free,
You will give me a painful portal,
A pathway to being immortal,
I'll become as heartless as you,
Yet maybe that will help me do what I have to do,
You take that first vicious bite,
My screams fade away into the night,
The drawing of my blood feels like fire,
Now I have become a wretched vampire...

And we are free to roam the world forever,
Searching for fresh victims together.

Goodbye (Version 1)

Everything in life has built up to this moment,
The final push,
The last hurrah,
I look at everything long gone,
Smiling at all the wonderful memories,
I look forward at what is to be,
I see nothing but darkness there,
Not even the unknown,
There is no life at all...

The pen goes to paper,
For what will be the finally time,
And just as I come to the final line,
The ink begins to run out,
A metaphor for the end of my life maybe?
The ink runs out,
Just as the final line is completed,
I am now devoid of ideas,
Devoid of inspiration...

Devoid of a heart...
My life has run its course...

Proud

I am not as strong as he was,
I am not as skilled as he was,
I don't have the passion he had,
I don't have the love he had,
My skills lie elsewhere,
My passions lie elsewhere...

I wonder what he would think of me,
If he was still alive today,
He left before I had fully grown,
Before I had taken on any kind of personality,
I wonder if he would like the way I am today,
I wonder if he would be happy with the way I have turned out...

I will forever wonder...
Would he have been proud of me?

Now is the Time

A sense of doubt creeps up on him,
The future right now looks horribly dim,
He needs help from all of his friends,
To help him through the devastating end,
He needs to swallow his almighty pride,
So he can sit down and try to cry,
He must do what's right for himself,
Even if someone he loves gets put on the shelf,
All of his troubles are compounding,
How he has come this far is astounding,
But grief has an awful habit,
Of creeping up when you least expect it,
And when grief does its creeping,
It always ends in someone weeping,
So now is the time he does his grieving,
Now is the time relationships start breaking,
Now is the time he frees his soul,
Now is the time he can once again feel whole.

No Name

Everything has suddenly collapsed around me,
My life had been the happiest I'd ever known it,
Within hours though,
I'm the lowest I have ever been,
The girl I like and my best friend,
Are both ignoring me blatantly...

It hurts so much,
Like a knife in my chest,
Talking to the girl I like,
Was like trying to draw poison from a wound,
While talking to my best friend,
Well,
No words were even exchanged,
Mine were met with no reply...

I feel isolated from them,
I feel nothing but hatred directed toward me,
I feel dead inside,
All I can hear now is that little voice,
The voice that always crawls out from the depths of my mind,
Just to laugh at me in times of trouble...

The voice constantly mocks me,
He knows I've been tricked again,
You should trust no one, he says,
You will only end up getting hurt...

The more that little voice speaks,
The more I realise I deserve this,
I deserve this horrendous pain coursing through me,
Because I had it too good for too long,
So much so, I forgot my own creed,
That, for all the good times you have,
There's always bad ones waiting for you,
Waiting to drag you back down,
And devour you whole...

Why is life so hard?
Why do I react so badly to things gone wrong?
Am I too weak?
Am I too sensitive to live in this world,
Where people hurt each other ruthlessly, daily?
They say it's survival of the toughest,
I've never been tough,
How can I survive?

It's times like this,
I would turn to my best friend,
But she is ignoring me now,
I've pushed her too far,
My tears mean nothing now,
I can cry all I want,
She won't help me anymore...

This low is too low,
I'm too far down to get back up,
I had it too good for too long,
I wasn't prepared for this overwhelming pain,
Life has beaten me,
Life has won...

It's over...

Why is it?

Why is it,
They always go for the broken one,
Rather than the working one?

Why is it,
They insist on being unhappy with the broken one,
When they could be happy with the working one?

Why is it,
They always feel the need to fix,
Rather than the need to enjoy?

What is it I need to do,
In order to get their attention,
And rid myself of the bitterness that threatens to destroy me?

Should I break myself?

Who Really Cares?

Repetition...
Repetition...
Repetition...

My life seems stuck in an endless loop...
I'm making the same mistakes time and again...
I'm receiving the same rejections time and again...

I constantly give into my own weaknesses...
I'm constantly told the same thing...
And it's causing me to wonder if anyone really cares...

To wonder is my life really worth anything?
If so, why all this repetition?
Maybe I should just throw in the towel...

If I did, no one would notice...
If they notice, they wouldn't care...
They'd just be happy to be rid of me...

To be rid of my repetitious life...
To be rid of my constant whining...
To be rid of my sheer presence...

Who really cares
About the butt of all the jokes?
Not a single soul...

Harsh?
Possibly...
Undeniable?

Ask everyone else...

Doubts and Worries

I'm left on my own,
Stirring in my own uselessness,
Allowing my doubts and worries,
To crawl into my mind like insects...

The longer I'm left alone,
The more my insecurities grow,
Until eventually, I just want to run away,
But there's nowhere to run to...

My old enemy then resurfaces,
Making a mockery of my feelings,
Laughing at my longings,
Knowing they will never be fulfilled...

Sitting here alone,
Completely useless to everyone,
Makes me ask myself,
Can I really do this?

Am I capable of achieving what I've set out to achieve?
Can I ever become brave enough to take a chance?
Will I ever have someone to hold and call my own?
Will I ever have someone who can help me...

Or will I be alone forever?

Waiting and Gathering

I'm sitting and waiting,
Avoiding playing,
Waiting for the game to come to me,
To present me with an opportunity,
That to me seems long over due,
As many others have declined apart from you...

Patience is a virtue hard to learn,
But learned well, presents opportunities hard to spurn,
While I've been told Karma is supposed to be kind,
Right now it's destroying my mind,
And although nothing was ever written in stone,
Your actions have shaken me too the bone...

Now I can see through the light in your eyes,
See through to the pack of lies,
Yet I shall always keep on waiting,
And constantly keep on gathering,
The smashed up pieces of my heart,
Tape them up until my life falls apart...

My Wish

I have but one true wish in life,
I wish to find someone who likes me back,
I wish to find someone that will feel the same as I do,
I wish to find someone I can share my heart with...

I wish to find someone I can caress,
I wish to find someone I can kiss,
I wish to find someone I can treat like royalty,
I wish to find someone that I can love...

I wish to find someone that I can hold and think,
She feels the same about me as I do about her,
As opposed to holding a person I know I can't have,
Holding her while thinking...

...if only...

Again

Again I have been snared,
Again my heart's ever reaching grasp,
Has found someone new to pine for,
Someone with a really pretty face,
A wonderful, heart-lifting smile,
That can move extremely elegantly,
She's like poetry-in-motion...

When ever I see her my spirits soar,
But I see her all to rarely,
She is delicate, charming and amazing,
Looking into her eyes is like star-gazing,
Who knows what's to become of us,
Maybe, just like everyone before, it will come to nothing,
But I'm just happy to have the feelings that I'm feeling right now...

As once again my heart soars because of someone beautiful...

Unanswerable Questions

Is your smile deceiving?
Do your eyes hide cruel intentions?
Do you intend on using me?
What do you really think of me?
Are my friend's thoughts of you true?
How do I truly feel about you?

I know I like you,
I know I want to give you everything,
The moon, the stars and the sun,
But if what my friend says is true,
Then you are just using me heartlessly,
For your own personal gain...

Taking advantage of my feelings for you...
Destroying the heart I want to share with you...

Moving On

Is there someone out there who can read my mind?
Is there someone out there waiting to become mine?

My heart, afterall, is there for the taking,
Its constant breaking is just all my own making...

Alot of people have stolen my heart,
Yet, they always seem to drop it, smashing it apart...

They never seem to realise the bonds my heart makes,
Never seem to realise until it is too late...

Those bonds are my greatest weakness,
Becoming attached so easily lacks all sleekness...

One such bond nearly ruined a valuable friendship...
She forgave me, thankfully, but it left my heart with a massive rip...

I've never fully recovered from my foolish mistake,
Bridges needed to be repaired, now that friendship's like a beautiful lake...

However, my heart still continues to fall into traps,
Laid out so cunningly, to avoid them I'd need maps...

For the heart is like a maze, always deceiving,
It can put you in a daze, but I can't ever stop believing...

There is someone out there for me, there has to be,
And I will wait forever if I have to, just so 'I' becomes 'we'...

In one another’s arms, we will hold each other,
Our eyes will meet in a loving gaze toward one another...

This is where I begin to look forwards,
And stop all this nonsense of looking backwards...

Life is not lived in the past, that's the lesson I have learned,
Life moves too fast to dwell on opportunities long spurned...

This is where I stand up and face the earth,
With a broad smile in glorious mirth...

Let Me Be Unfair

It doesn't matter if it's unfair,
Not one bit do I care,
I just want to see you there,
So please my friend, let me be unfair...

A magical night is in store,
If only you'd let me give you more,
We'd be away beside the shore,
We'd live moments to regale forever more...

You don't want to wear that badge gleaming,
You want to wear your dress shimmering,
You don't want to see children singing,
You want to be with your friends dancing...

You will be missed if you do not come,
More by others than by some,
Please take this opportunity to come,
Thoughts of not seeing you make my mind go numb...

So I beg you, listen to my plea,
So you can finally see,
I don't care about the fee,
Once you come out and be free...

It doesn't matter if it's unfair,
Not one bit do I care,
I just want to see you there,
So please my friend, let me be unfair...

It will be worth it just to see your stare...

Troubles of Four People

Four people,
Good people,
People who wouldn’t harm another,
All face troubles,
That are all different,
Yet are all strikingly similar too,
And all with one thing in common,
Their problems were caused by the other gender...

Heartbreak,
Arguments,
A lack of trust,
And a simple lack of love,
All these of things are reasons to fret,
All these of things are what make all of you,
Unbearably upset,
Our kind is a loveless one...

All I can do is apologise,
And promise that one day will be different...

Signals

I feel your hand close around mine,
Startled, I don't know how to respond,
I close mine around yours,
But it lacked the feeling of longing it should've had,
Due to my tentativeness...

Later in the night you seem indifferent toward me,
I seem to have sent out the wrong signal,
It wasn't the one I intended to send out,
I wanted to squeeze your hand as tightly as you did mine,
I wanted to show my true feelings for you...

My signals have come out mixed up...

Same Old, Same Old

Different person,
Same story,
Once again I'm shot down,
Once again my kindness,
Has awarded me with another friend,
But with nothing more...

The question is asked,
Where were you?
You flick your hair,
Tilt your head,
Give a wry smile,
And with a knowing glance toward me,
You say,
Nowhere...
While the lad beside you grins guiltily...

Once again I find myself asking the same questions,
If I'm so nice,
Why don't people LIKE me?
Why is it when I pour my heart out,
I get nothing back?
Why do I get so attached to people?
Why is it always the arrogant, ignorant ones,
Get the girl,
While my heart continuously misleads itself?

Maybe I should become arrogant and ignorant,
In the hope that the opposite sex,
Follows the theory of the move,
And sees through it all,
Finding some wayward genius,
That she can fall in love with,
Maybe then I'll be happy...

Lament

For him, suffering is no more,
For him, pain is no more,
He left them peacefully in his sleep,
On the day of All Saints,
Leaving behind all of his terrible agony,
But transferring it to his loving family,
For them, their suffering starts now,
For them, their pain starts now...

For them, their grief starts now...
As they mourn the loss of their breadwinner...
And his beloved four iron...

My Fight

As a good friend of mine,
And a good friend of hers,
You offer to be the middleman,
To go investigate her heart,
To find out if she wants to just be friends,
Or if she wants something more,
And to find out if what they say is true,
That she does indeed like another...

However, I couldn't in good conscience let you do this,
It is not your responsibility,
It is my own,
It's similar to a boxer,
He can't just turn around and ask his coach,
To get in the ring and fight for him,
He has to get into the ring himself,
And fight his own fight...

Well, my friend...
This is my fight...
And I have to fight it alone.

The Ball

My smile turns to a grimace,
Ridiculous rules are to blame,
You have asked me to go to the ball with you,
So we can dance the night away,
I am thrilled by your invitation,
And say yes without hesitation,
Only to find that one little letter,
Prevents me from being allowed to go...

Your smile falters,
I wish it wouldn't,
It's such a wonderful sight,
You say there's always another night,
But not if what I fear comes to pass...

And you leave the ball in another man's arms...

Is it True?

Is it true?
Has your face really split in two?
Are those shining bright eyes,
Really filled with nothing but lies?
Is the heart-lifting smile I‘ve written about,
Really nothing but a deceiving pout?
Do you really treat your friends as inferiors,
Thinking you are by far superior?

Why have you changed?
Have I gone deranged?
Has my judgment let me down again?
Has it brought me nothing but more pain?
Why do you hurt your friends?
Why would you want those friendships to end?
Why have you changed from the wonderful girl I once knew,
To this stranger standing before me...

Holding my heart, hewn...

Still Haven't Learned

That look in your eye,
That bright spark,
That excited look you once gave me,
Once made me incredibly happy,
But not anymore,
As now it's reserved for another,
Someone whose name being merely spoken,
Causes your eyes to cloud over with delight,
While any mention of mine,
Barely brings a nod of recognition from you,
Showing how your feelings toward me have changed...

I don't even know why I'm hurting,
I don't even know you that long,
But once again my heart has shown its weakness,
Its tendency to get far too attached,
To people that I know I can't have,
I just wish I would learn from the past,
Learn to control my heart's cravings,
But it looks like this lesson will never be learned,
Not unless I become completely heartless,
And start to hate life and everything in it...

That doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Love

Some things are hard to believe,
Hard to understand,
A lot of the time, one such thing is love,
Unbearably heartbreaking as it can be,
Not possible to live without it either,
As there's always someone to love...

Life

Life seems really annoyed right now,
Everywhere I turn nowadays,
One of my closet friends is in moral peril,
The problems they face,
Do not reflect their own actions,
And the things that are befalling them,
Destroy the theory of the existence of Karma...

All their problems are different,
Yet they are all uniquely serious,
With the same inevitable outcome,
Whether it be boyfriend or girlfriend trouble,
Or a son's father in terrible agony,
The outcome is agonising worry,
With the potential to end in devastating heartbreak...

It's times like this I realise my good fortune,
It's also times like this I feel useless,
As the only thing I can do in this situation,
Is to try and put a comforting arm around my friends,
And insist that everything's going to be ok,
When the fact is I haven't a clue how everything will turn out,
As life is good at concealing its true intentions...

Intimidation

I spot you from a mile away,
I cannot hide the smile from myself,
The sight of yours widening it,
But you are surrounded by others,
Friends to you,
Strangers to me,
And as you get closer and closer,
I start to feel more and more uncomfortable...

I see you turn to your group,
Whispering something I strain my ears to hear,
But am too far away too decipher,
They break into a fit of laughter,
Their attention suddenly fixed on me,
Causing my face to burn,
I have gone from being slightly uncomfortable,
To being downright intimidated...

Our paths begin to cross each other,
You smile innocently and say hi,
All the while your gang focuses unwaveringly on me,
My nerves have been shot to pieces by now,
And my return hello to you,
Is extremely nervous and shaky,
Giving you all more cause for laughter,
And while you all walk away howling to your heart's content...

My face is burning like a furnace...
And my dignity and heart are in complete tatters...

Divided

My heart is divided,
Between friendship and relationship,
Between my loyalty to him,
And my feelings for her,
It's strange how the heart works,
How it suddenly reacts,
To the slightest piece of attention,
That's paid to it...

Maybe it's just mine,
Maybe I'm just thinking too far ahead,
It has happened once before,
I don't want it to happen again,
I acted the fool when it did,
There's nothing to stop the fool from returning,
Not even time,
The old cliché...

My feelings for her,
Are a stab in the back to him,
They courted each other once,
Indeed it was a little more than that,
But not anymore,
Doesn't mean it never happened though,
And even though he encourages me,
To go for her and make her mine,
I know in my heart of hearts,
That the past will always stay in my mind...

And I will always feel,
That the two of you,
Will always have feelings for each other,
Even if they're not seen on the surface,
Making my feelings obsolete,
Making the point,
Quite pointless,
Maybe I should leave you to each other,
At least that way someone's happy...

Even if it's not me...
Even if it's not me...

(this is the best of a bad bunch from my fifth Bebo page, but I have never been able to understand why I like it as much as I do - it fits perfectly to some VERY basic guitar chords, so that might have something to do with it)

Insane

You have danced me into a trance,
Your eyes have hypnotised mine,
Your smile is the prettiest in the world,
Your whole persona is just amazing...

...no wonder you're spoiled for choice...

I think I am going insane,
It is really such a shame,
I really wanted you to be my dame,
But you have gone for a guy I'd quite like to maim,
If I had a gun, I would probably take aim,
That would be wrong, I'd achieve no gain,
You'd just hate me, I'd have no claim,
Everything would just turn out the same,
How on earth can I explain?

My God, I really am going insane...
Your whole persona is to blame...

Innocent Blood and War

Green with envy,
Full of jealousy,
As your enemies,
Always defeat yee...

Yee always stay down,
Always on the ground,
Wearing frustrated frowns,
Listening to painful sounds...

The Chief Commander lied,
The day before he died,
There was no command to hide,
Now they've all died...

Your enemy's invisible,
Your sight's incapable,
Victory is impossible,
The enemy's unstoppable...

Yee hide in shadows,
Clear of windows,
Sounds of shouting commandos,
And crying widows...

There's nothing but noise,
No grace or poise,
Just guns used like toys,
They're not meant for boys...

Millions are killed,
Graves are filled,
Innocent blood gets spilled,
Yet the soldiers are still willed...

War is pointless,
It brings only hopelessness,
It solves absolutely nothing,
Yet always destroys everything...

Get Up

A blow from nowhere,
I'm swept clean from my feet,
And land dazed and confused...

...get up...

My enemy stares me down,
A disgusting creature he is,
He instills the fear of God into me...

...get up...

I quake beneath that fierce stare,
Fear and a lack of belief overcome me,
I drag myself away into a corner...

...get up...

My knees are held tightly to my chest,
Wicked yet tempting thoughts creep into my mind,
Yet I can still hear some faraway voice...

...get up...

I fear looking up from my knees,
I don't want to see my enemy's will-breaking stare,
But I need to know who offers me hope...

...get up...

I chance a half glance,
And am shocked to see the person who's standing there,
Offering me his hand and encouragement...

...get up...

The Big Man's shining light,
Blazes through the darkness of my enemy,
Maybe there's hope after all...

...GET UP!

I rise determined to my feet,
Having made an important choice,
That echoes the saying of old...

"I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees."

Now that I'm up...
I'm going to fight...
Even if I die trying.

Flawed Genius

A notorious junkie's scrawl,
Madness or genius?
Some say the first,
Others say the second,
I say both,
He is insane,
But he is deep,
His actions are sheer stupidity,
Yet his words are thought provoking...

Why does genius always have a flaw?

Everything Has a Price

You've finally got what you wanted,
You've finally ended your bad experience,
Yet you can't act mature about it,
You go off prostituting yourself,
To any girl that moves into your line of sight,
Which seems to have become quite short sighted...

You claim to be only having fun,
You also claim you don't care if you hurt her,
Well, that's all well and good,
But you should always remember one thing,
Every action has a consequence,
Every action has a price...

Even if it doesn't directly affect you...

Contrasting Outlooks

I've never been one to stop and think,
It's served me well so far,
I take life as it comes at me,
Always with a broad smile,
With a determined stare to go with it,
Nothing stops me from enjoying life...

I've always been one to stop and think,
It always seems to hold me back,
Any action is always thought out,
Half the day disappears,
Because of me pondering every possible consequence,
With furrowed eyebrows...

Chances come,
Chances go,
These contrasting outlooks,
Each bring their own chances,
Their own ways of taking them,
And their own ways of missing them...

They are contrasting...
Yet they can bear the same chances...

Combination

That smile,
Those green eyes,
Together they make me melt inside,
I become a slave to their spell,
Whatever command those lips give,
One look from those eyes makes it so...

I can't stop thinking about them,
The combination that has snatched my heart,
That occupies my dreams nightly,
That occupies my thoughts daily,
And whenever you're not around,
All I find myself thinking about is when...

When will I get to see that enchanting duet again?

A Losing Battle

Where has the love gone?
Where has romanticism gone?
Where has the kindness gone?
Where has the human heart gone?
These are the things,
That once made yee,
So unique,
So perfect,
They have all vanished,
Amongst a blanket,
A blanket of dislike,
A blanket of loathing...

One-by-one,
They have fallen,
Like valiant soldiers,
Fighting a losing battle,
It seems that they,
Shall remain in their graves,
It looks like yee,
Are on your last legs...

Changing

I am not my self,
My actions are different,
I’m not acting like I would normally,
I feel as if I’m changing...

But not for the better,
My whole persona is shifting,
I grow more and more uncaring,
With every passing day...

My heart becomes increasingly useless,
I feel like I’m becoming like him,
Him in his most pompous form,
His most selfish form...

I seem to care only for myself,
Care only for what I can get,
I don’t know why I’m becoming this way,
But it may be only the beginning...

The beginning of a long and painful path,
Down the treacherous path of bitterness,
I feel it devouring me already,
Consuming my heart...

The old me is dead,
Changing has risen a new me,
A heartless me,
A DANGEROUS ME...

Please stay away...
It’s for your own good...

A Bolt from the Blue

A bolt from the blue,
Wasn't expecting it from you,
A wonderful proposition,
I'm shocked by my own admission,
I've been presented with something unusual,
A happy dilemma, not at all usual,
I'm not sure exactly what to do,
Although I wouldn't mind accompanying you,
But now several problems have arisen,
That threaten to confine me to my prison,
Things such as financial difficulties,
Basically, a simple lack of money,
While I also fear the wrath of two close friends,
I don't want those friendships to end,
So as you can see, my head is spinning,
And all the while, our limo is sitting there waiting...

The Tale of Death and the Green Eyed Man

The green eyed man didn't know what happened,
A flash of pain and all was black,
When he came to, he was in the sky,
Standing on clouds,
Facing a man in a black cloak.
Where am I?
The green eyed man asked,
The man in the cloak lifted his head,
Revealing a terrible, skeletal face.
The green eyed man drew back in shock,
You are between life and death, the cloaked man said,
Not quite dead,
Yet not quite alive either...
But that is about to change, he said, sinisterly,
For I am Death and I shall take you to the otherside!
The green eyed man was shocked,
He couldn't believe he was dead,
Death held out his skeletal, spider-like, fingers,
The wicked smile on his face showing his cruel intentions,
He was going to destroy the green eyed man's soul.
As he smiled, his red eyes looked into the man's green ones,
Waiting patiently to see the fear in them,
The same fear that engulfed all of his previous victims,
The same fear that would destroy him from the inside out.
It had always been that way,
His victims begging for mercy,
Pleading with him to spare their pitiful lives,
But he always took them in the end,
To where no one could hear their pleas...
But as red and green met one another,
The smile on Death's lips faltered,
As the green eyed man smiled, raised his hand, and shouted,
Take me then for I am ready to die!
Death was shocked and he whispered quietly,
You feel no fear?
The green eyed man smiled more broadly still and said,
I once knew a man that said,
Death smiles at us all,
All a man can do is smile back...
You are smiling at me now Death, he shouted,
So I shall smile straight back at you,
For my time has come and I'm ready to die!

They say the shriek of Death could be heard everywhere,
In forests, mountains and valleys,
As for the first and only time,
Death was cheated out of his prey,
By someone who tried to embrace him,
Instead of trying to flea him.

Darkness is Coming

Dark, thunderous clouds roll over,
Bolts fixed on one target,
The son tries in vain to protect his father,
But even as we speak he deteriorates still...

The black clouds are a warning sign,
The thunder bolts are the threat,
I have seen it all before,
Except no clouds came to warn me...

It was just flash...
And he was gone...

It is always the undeserving who die,
It is always the undeserving who suffer,
It is always the undeserving who cry,
It is always the undeserving who lose their fathers...

The clouds grow darker and darker,
The bolts edge ever closer,
The son cannot continue protecting his father,
Pretty soon, it will all be over...

And his suffering will be no more...
The darkness is coming...

Turn of the Tide

The tide is in,
The waves lap happily over each other,
Gently around my ankles,
Everything in the world is content,
The sun blazes above,
As I breath in the refreshing sea air,
And take in the mesmerising view.
Things in life are going perfectly,
Everything is in harmony with each other...

But then the weather begins to shift,
It becomes stormy and violent,
Things in the world are changing,
They are becoming unbalanced,
The waves crash angrily over each other,
Will they still be around next year?
I have experienced close at hand already,
How much difference a year can make,
Who's to say it won't happen again?

Even now I can feel things changing,
Just as the tide begins to turn.

The Stranger

At the age of twenty-five,
She walks along a familiar path,
Home from her boring job,
Back to her boring house,
With the rainy weather mimicking her feelings.

The old days of fun are long gone,
Friends of old are long forgotten,
Yet, as she reminisces about the past,
A hooded man approaches her,
Claiming to be one such friend.

She denies it vehemently,
This man is bearded and broken,
And there was no glow in his eyes,
She knew no one of the like,
Never had and never will.

You are a stranger, she said defiantly,
Leave me alone, never bother me again,
And with that, she went home,
Leaving the stranger outside in the lashing rain,
In a state of utter shock...

As well as feeling very hurt,
Because he was no stranger, he had been honest,
They had been good friends once upon a time,
But a combination of unfortunate circumstances,
Meant he had lost contact with her...

When he didn't really want to,
And as the stranger stood alone in the pouring rain,
Head bowed, heart broken,
He too reminisced about things long gone,
While marvelling at how things change so quickly.

The Moment of Truth

This is it,
It all comes down to this,
A fleeting period to impress,
It seems long,
Yet, it isn't long enough.
My future depends on this,
As it's the difference between certainty,
And the unknown,
Between having a path to follow,
And wandering, wildly, into the wilderness.
This is where I have to stand up and be counted,
This is the moment of truth.

The Jinx

The Jinx,
A thing of evil,
Like a horrible parasite,
It clings to the soul of a group,
And destroys it,
From the inside out.

It feeds off the slightest of dislikes,
Turning them from mere dislikes,
Into serious problems,
Causing one person to hate another.

Clear-the-air talks would be held,
But the so called peace meeting
Would descend into bickering,
Then the bickering would descend into fighting.

A neutral of the group would try to stop it,
But then the fight between two,
Would turn into a fight between three,
And before long,
The entire group would be at each other throats...

And as their friendship falls apart around them,
The Jinx would move on again,
Content that its job had been done,
While being ready to strike again,
At the core of another unsuspecting group of friends.

Train of Inspiration

He stands alone on the train tracks,
While people on both platforms scream at him,
A train is coming!
They scream for help from the stewards,
Get him off the tracks!
But they are too afraid to do it,
The train is too near, we'll be killed!
While all this was going on,
The train thundered unrelentingly toward the man,
And he willed it to do so,
To go faster,
It's the only way, he told himself,
As he watched the smoke billowing from the top of it,
And as he listened to the train's horn carry through the air,
This is the key to unlocking it...

He could hear the shouts of the people no more,
The noise of the train's horn,
Was the only thing he could hear,
The sight of the speeding train,
The only thing he could see.
He was so close to it now,
His reason for being on the tracks,
And as the train edged closer to him,
He edged nearer to getting it...
Hit me, he willed it,
HIT ME!
Then the impact,
All he could see was white,
And then it really hit him,
And he smiled...

He woke up,
And he picked up his pen.

Old Friends and Strangers

Buildings loom large over me,
Faceless people pass me by,
I search endlessly for a familiar one,
But to no avail.
All of these strangers,
Laughing and joking together,
Make me vulnerable and alone,
As I miss my own friends,
The ones I know I can trust.
Before I looked forward to the chance,
To meet new people,
To make new friends,
But now I realise,
The only friends I really need,
Are the ones I left behind...

Things Inside

People constantly overrate me,
Judging me on what they see on the surface,
Thinking I'm a wonderful person,
But not taking into account the things inside,
The things that no one on the outside,
Ever get to see,
But if they did,
They would be shocked and appalled,
And they would finally see the real me.

People I know haven't yet learned,
That people can't be judged on exterior alone,
That things on the inside,
Aren't always what they seem on the surface.
I am battling the things on the inside,
As I can't live with them in there,
And I can't lie to my friends anymore
As I want to feel like I've earned the image,
That they have of me...

But I feel I'm fighting a losing battle,
The time has come for drastic action.

Bright Nights

The disappearance at night of your wonderful bright light,
Doesn't stop your entrancing voice whispering to me during the night...

During those dark times my hearts calls out to you,
Even then, I see that magical smile belonging to you...

It's not the dusty bed sheets that I smell when lying there,
What I smell is the scent of you and of your luxurious brown hair...

Even when I hug my pillow so tight to me,
I imagine it's you squeezing me just as tightly...

So when I wake up hoping to see your beautiful face,
I'm always sad to find only a pillow in it's place...

I hope one day that it will be you who is lying next to me,
Then my nights will be just like days, shining just as brightly...

(Bright Nights stands for two things - the first sign of change in my style of writing, and as an example of my supreme naivety upon entering college).

The Gladiator

He stands tall in the depths of the Coliseum,
Sword in hand, armour strapped on tightly,
Ready to do battle in that hallowed arena,
Ready to fight to the death,
For his right to be free.
Even there, in the far reaches of the Coliseum,
Where he's closer to hell than to heaven,
He can still hear the chants of the Roman mob,
Willing each Gladiator to make that killer blow,
Willing the Emperor to give the signal of death.
As the gates begin to open,
And he glimpses the sun for the first time
In what feels like an eternity,
He's urged to take what others call,
His last steps into Satan’s waiting arms.
He stands tall still,
And even the sight of many men with weapons,
And of lions and death traps,
All out to end his life,
Fail to shake his firm belief,
That he will win his freedom,
And he will see his family again...

The gates are open,
The Gladiator takes his first step towards freedom.

The Dream

We walk down a familiar road,
Arm in arm,
A hint of a wandering hand,
I hear laughter and turn,
Expecting to see you,
But am shocked to see another,
A close friend,
Someone I wouldn't have expected to see,
On my arm,
Smiling back at me,
Shock is replaced by desire,
And we move closer together,
For the goodnight kiss...

Then I wake up,
Very confused.

Something to Prove

I feel I have something to prove,
Not to those who cheer me,
Not even to those who jeer me,
But to the one person was never convinced,
The one person who always criticised me,
No matter what I did,
The one person who never thought I was good enough,
The one person who never believed in me...

Whether I play well or not,
There is always something for him,
To look at and lambast,
But if I can prove to him once and for all,
That I am good enough to play alongside those,
Who are perceived to be better than I am,
Then I will go on and show the ability,
That everyone already insists I have...

I must prove to myself that I have that ability.

Old Feelings Change

The fears have eased away,
The vulnerability is no more,
All of a sudden,
The large buildings aren't so big anymore,
The faceless people of before,
Are now instantly recognisable,
As some of the wonderful new friends I have made.

Our group has become unbelievably tight nit,
In such a short space of time,
We all care for each other so much,
Despite only knowing each other a week,
I now feel really secure,
Amongst this tight nit group of friends...

My old feelings have changed for the better.

Luck of the Draw

I've been told that I'm a nice guy,
I've been told that I'd be perfect,
I've been told everything,
But everything has always been followed by that word,
But...
Everyone around me seems to be a couple,
Everyone around me insists I need to be patient,
Everyone around me reckons I'll be great,
But no one around me wants to give me the chance I crave,
To prove the supposed greatness I possess.
As everyone around me couples up,
I'm left on my own,
With the same compliments ringing in my ears,
Followed by that same word over and over again,
But...

That, I suppose, is the luck of the draw.

Inner Strength

She smiles and says she's fine,
A look into her eyes tells a different story,
They wear a look of exhaustion,
While her body language suggests,
She is extremely run down,
Showing that the burdens she carries,
On those tender shoulders,
Are meant for others who are more experienced in life...

The burdens she bears,
Are heavy enough to ruin most people,
Yet not only does she carry them,
With tremendous inner strength,
She carries them with a glorious smile,
A smile that says,
I can take what life throws at me,
It won't drag me down...

One can only admire her for this,
I have so much respect for her,
I hold her in the highest regard.

Lost Opportunity

 ..... ........ .. ... .. . ............

The words flash up at me,
Confirming what I've dreaded for a long time,
The one thing I wanted,
Taken away,
The opportunity to have it,
Dashed...

I've known for a long time
That I'd never have it,
I've known for a long time
That what has happened would happen,
But it is still heartbreaking
To see it there in writing.

I Had a Choice

I met the both of you,
During a wonderful week away,
Now that I have a choice between you two,
I don't know which way to sway.

I feel I need some help,
From somewhere up above,
My head is spinning this way and that,
Love split two ways isn't enough.

Both your smiles are equally glorious,
I realise I do not deserve either,
Around yee, I get too anxious,
Start to crowd yee, causing bitter anger...

I have a choice between two,
I don't deserve either of you,
I have a choice between two,
I'd be lucky to have just one of you,
I have a choice between two,
Even though our friendship's still new,
I have a choice between two,
And I really don't know what to do...

Yet, even if I made a choice,
I have already lost both of you,
In the same tone of voice,
You both knock back my advances toward you.

I really can't understand,
This sudden change of heart,
Especially since yee both said,
Yee loved me from the start.

Now my heart is broken,
The wonderful dilemma, taken away,
All I have now is this token,
A newspaper cutting from that day...

I had a choice between two,
Then I lost the pair of you,
I had a choice between two,
I don't understand, what did I do?
I had a choice between two,
Now our friendship's all askew,
I had a choice between two,
Now I don't have either of you...

Goodbye (Version 2)

The old writer heads to his type writer,
He's in the middle of writing his memoirs,
Life and old age have made his features harsh,
Success has brought him no happiness,
Just resentment and bitterness,
His stories always had gruesome endings,
He hated the typical fairytale ending...

He saw no point in lying to everyone,
In giving people false hope,
He always wrote about the real world,
The harsh world,
The one he had lived in for nearly 80 years...

His memoirs could've been passed off as one of his books,
Such was the hate and bitterness that filled it,
His life had been tough,
He fought addictions and life threatening diseases,
Yet he had come through all that,
But those experiences had made him a shadow of a person...

But just as he approached the end of his memoirs,
Something odd happened to the old writer,
He was hit by a sudden epiphany,
One that told him his life had given him much more,
Than he or anyone else could've asked for,
His life had given him love and loss,
Aswell as a constant battle,
And, as bitter as he was towards everything in his life,
The old writer realised for the first time ever,
That he was happy with how everything had turned out...

So when the police found his body the next day,
Slumped over his type writer,
The words they found typed there were the last of his memoirs,
And they read...

"I have died a happy man...goodbye to a wonderful life."

Gone

I have ruined everything between us,
Our friendship was a strong bond between us,
But I have shaken that bond to it's core,
As I have allowed my feelings to change,
Change from being happy as just friends,
To wanting you to be mine forevermore...
The startled look on your face was indescribable,
When I told you how I feel,
You were happy to remain as friends and nothing more,
And the big fear for me now is that,
You decide to hate me and refuse to talk to me,
But that hasn't happened yet,
As you say we can still be friends,
But, even though you say our friendship is still strong,
I know that things will be always be awkward between us.

The friendship we had before is gone,
And it is never coming back...
Because I couldn't control my emotions.

Fleeting Meeting

It hurts so much,
I don't know why,
We spoke only briefly over two days,
But now that I haven't seen you,
My heart pines for you,
Now that I haven't spoken to you,
My heart needs you.

How can I become so emotionally bound to you,
When our paths crossed only so fleetingly,
I do not know,
All I know is,
Your lack of a reply to my message,
Hurts almost as much as a slap to the face,
Maybe even more...

I just hope you talk to me again,
So I can find out if my heart is playing more tricks.

Demons Inside

On the outside I'm smiling,
On the inside I'm dying,
I fight the Good Fight on the outside,
I fight a different fight on the inside,
The difference between the two being,
That I'm winning the Good Fight,
But losing the fight inside.
My demons and weaknesses,
Continue to overpower me,
Making me wonder,
If I was to succumb the Good Fight,
Would it give me enough strength,
To win the fight inside?
My continuous failures inside,
Make my minor victories outside,
Seem insignificant and pointless,
While my morals that seem perfect outside,
Are in fact anything but inside.
The demons and weaknesses are winning,
Soon everything that's locked away inside,
Will implode,
Ruining everything outside.

Death of a Dream

Desk jobs,
Manual labour,
All unglorified work,
Stuff I can't imagine doing,
As I've grown with aspirations typical of a child,
With dreams of playing football,
In front of crowds of thousands,
Of being a hero to millions more,
Of playing in packed stadiums,
With atmospheres simmering like a cauldron,
Of hearing the fans constantly chanting,
Chanting my name...

It's the only thing I know,
The only thing I truly understand,
So to suddenly realise that my dream is dead,
Is heartbreaking...
I now know that I shan't be pulling on a famous jersey,
I know I shall be buttoning up a white shirt,
And knotting a black tie,
While heading to the grey train station,
For the rest of my dull life.

By the River on Pebble Island

I remember it clear as day,
Standing on an island of pebbles,
By a monstrous, flowing river,
With it's gigantic, rushing waterfall,
I was only a child,
It all seems so much smaller now.
I remember looking up into his smiling face,
The Big Man and I thought nothing of spending hours,
Throwing pebble after pebble,
Into the rushing water,
Those were the good days,
Young and carefree,
The Big Man was still around.

Now, the place has changed with the times,
The island of pebbles has slowly corroded,
It's now practically unreachable,
While the surrounding rock formation,
With it's once so rampaging waters,
Is strewn with the rubbish of the local teens,
The empty beer cans and empty crates,
Show the place is now nothing more than a drinking spot.
To me the place will always mean so much more than that,
It's a place that holds some of my most cherished memories,
Memories of a time which has long since passed,
When the world seemed so peaceful,
Just like my spot by the river on pebble island.

A Choice

I say what I have to say,
In the hope you will feel the same,
But it is not joy I see reflected in your eyes,
It's shock and sadness,
Followed by tears that flow gracefully,
Like a waterfall, down your cheeks.
I made a choice out of desire,
Of greed, of lust, of yearning,
But it was the wrong one to make...
And no matter what you or anyone else says,
What I did and the way I did it,
Makes me far worse than anyone who has come before,
Makes me out to be a complete coward,
And now all I can ask of you is,
To please stop crying,
To please start smiling,
As I'm not worth being upset over.

The Walk of Shame

Rain, rain, rain,
Lashing down relentlessly,
As we play our game of 69s,
Yet it doesn't stop us,
Or slow our momentum,
As we smash goal-after-goal,
Into the back of the net.

A ball flies into the box,
For number 68,
I throw myself toward it,
A diving header,
Glorious in its execution,
Puts the ball in the back of the net.

Another ball's launched in,
I see it,
And see nothing but glory,
I throw myself at it once more,
Looking for the fabled 69,
I connect perfectly,
But I lack accuracy,
And it goes a mile wide...

NO!

I am now guarding the goal,
Hoping and hoping,
That it won't be me,
Who concedes the dreaded 69,
And pays the penalty,
By facing the long and infamous walk,
The walk of shame...

The ball comes in yet again,
And up jumps the fox,
Heading the ball goalward,
His aim was true,
My fate was sealed,
As even when I dived despairingly,
And got fingertips onto the ball,
I knew it was in...

I was so close,
But not close enough,
The ball had spun into the bottom corner,
And anguish and disappointment wash over me,
As I now face the forfeit to end all forfeits,
I face the walk of shame.

All around the pitch I must walk,
The loneliest walk anyone could ever face,
In the duration of their lives,
So with my head down, and while soaking wet,
I am left alone to reflect,
On how I ended up with this punishment,
Wondering how the hell I lost!

All of this of course,
While the others sit in the centre,
Laughing and jeering,
Yet also applauding,
Applauding because they feel I was wronged,
Believing I didn't deserve to walk the walk,
But that, I suppose, is the beauty of the game...

Even if it does undermine the walk of shame.

War

I decide to join the army,
And am immediately trained in their philosophy,
I am taught to feel no pain,
Even when blood comes down like rain,
All forms of emotion are beaten out of me,
Until I wander around aimlessly, like a zombie,
So when the day comes and I have to fight,
I won't drop my gun and flee into the night.

After years of honing and training,
I find myself suddenly wishing,
To be involved in conflict, to be involved fighting,
To be involved in war, shooting and killing,
Then the commander recognises that,
There are no qualities in which I lack,
So he finally decides to ship me out,
Ship me out to war torn Iraq.

I have got my wish, and feel a tinge of joy,
Being out here, uncovering secret ploys,
I fight for my country, I fight with pride,
I fight with honour, and never try to hide,
I feel no pain, even when comrades die,
I see old friends in agony on the ground,
Screaming in pain, before ceasing to make a sound.

But my emotions begin to return to me,
As I unexpectedly lose all sight,
Of what it is I'm fighting for,
But too late it seems,
As I get shot and fall to the floor.
As I lie on the ground, dying,
I begin to start wondering...

What exactly is the point of war?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day I've chosen,
Tomorrow is my D-day,
Tomorrow is the day I shall pluck up my courage,
Tomorrow is the time for action,
Tomorrow is the moment of truth,
And when tomorrow becomes today,
And when today becomes yesterday,
I will look back on it in one of two ways,
With a triumphant smile as the day she became mine,
Or with enormous regret as the day I ruined everything...

(the reason I include Tomorrow is because I actually nearly did ruin something very important the day after writing it - Tomorrow stands as a reminder that I should never take my own writing too seriously).

The Void

Once upon a time,
A feeling of excited nervousness,
Would wash over me,
When I'd see you approaching,
But in recent times,
That feeling has gradually disappeared,
And it's almost as if,
You're just another person...

No, no, no,
It wasn't supposed to be this way,
You were supposed to be THE ONE,
My soul mate,
My life's partner,
But why then has my love of you
Suddenly diminished
Into nothing, as if it never existed?

I can't comprehend what happened,
At how my heart could just suddenly
Change it's mind,
And practically stop beating,
Leaving me faced with something unusual,
A massive, empty void,
A void that once contained my love for you,
A void that I thought...

Would never be empty.

The Price of Friendship

The teachers look at me angrily,
And they ask me,
How can you afford to be outside,
Spending time with your friends,
When you have your Leaving Cert,
In a matter of weeks?

Well, I reply,
Knowledge is indeed a valuable thing,
And it does come at a price,
But spending time with my friends?
That is priceless,
Which is why I can afford to do it.

The Knife

The knife,
A symbol of many things,
Of betrayal, of lack of trust,
Of relief, of respite,
Of pain, of never-ending pain.

It's a cliché,
You've stabbed me in the back,
It's an escape,
Used to get away from life,
It causes heartbreaking pain,
Pain for the person using it,
And for the person's family.

The knife,
It's silver, sharp and dangerous,
All it does is cause hurt,
Everything it's associated with,
Causes someone unbearable pain...

The knife,
The ultimate source of suffering,
The ultimate cause of misery.

The Final Judgement

Everything we do in this life,
Will be judged in the afterlife,
The actions we choose to take now,
Shall be accounted for in the sky.
The actions I have chosen to take,
Are a mixture of good and bad,
Unfortunately for me,
The bad far outweighs the good.
In recent times I have tried to change,
But I know myself that it's all fake,
The evil person inside of me lives on still,
A clever opportunist,
He appears from nowhere time-to-time,
And makes me hate myself.
I can't make him shoulder all the blame though,
I am at fault for allowing him to control my actions,
And for allowing my weakness to get the better of me.
The actions I have taken in my life,
Mean that, when the time comes to hand in the final CV,
It will be looked on with disgust,
Before being tossed into the fires of hell,
Along with myself.

The Fifth Province

Pressure mounting,
The fool with the tools,
Is constantly putting me down,
It's times like this,
That I like to go to my sanctuary,
Known to me as,
The Fifth Province.

Not quite Leinster,
Not quite Munster,
Not quite Connacht,
And not quite Ulster,
But a perfect piece of each,
Moulded together to create,
The Fifth Province.

It's so peaceful there,
No pressure at all,
As there's no one there,
To put the pressure on,
Just me and my thoughts,
Alone together,
In the Fifth Province.

Not quite Leinster,
Not quite Munster,
Not quite Connacht,
And not quite Ulster,
But a perfect piece of each,
Moulded together to create,
The Fifth Province.

Sometimes I escape there,
When I'm angry or sad,
And sit alone in silent solitude,
To gather together my thoughts,
So I can channel them onto a page,
Ignorance is bliss,
In the Fifth Province.

Not quite Leinster,
Not quite Munster,
Not quite Connacht,
And not quite Ulster,
But a perfect piece of each,
Moulded together to create,
The Fifth Province.

I'd show it to you if I could,
But it's visible only to me,
You have to discover it yourself,
Although most never do,
As only a rare few,
Experience the reconciling and the healing,
Provided by the Fifth Province...

Not quite Leinster,
Not quite Munster,
Not quite Connacht,
And not quite Ulster,
But a perfect piece of each,
Moulded together to create,
The Fifth Province.