Goodbye (Version 1)

Everything in life has built up to this moment,
The final push,
The last hurrah,
I look at everything long gone,
Smiling at all the wonderful memories,
I look forward at what is to be,
I see nothing but darkness there,
Not even the unknown,
There is no life at all...

The pen goes to paper,
For what will be the finally time,
And just as I come to the final line,
The ink begins to run out,
A metaphor for the end of my life maybe?
The ink runs out,
Just as the final line is completed,
I am now devoid of ideas,
Devoid of inspiration...

Devoid of a heart...
My life has run its course...

Why is it?

Why is it,
They always go for the broken one,
Rather than the working one?

Why is it,
They insist on being unhappy with the broken one,
When they could be happy with the working one?

Why is it,
They always feel the need to fix,
Rather than the need to enjoy?

What is it I need to do,
In order to get their attention,
And rid myself of the bitterness that threatens to destroy me?

Should I break myself?

Who Really Cares?

Repetition...
Repetition...
Repetition...

My life seems stuck in an endless loop...
I'm making the same mistakes time and again...
I'm receiving the same rejections time and again...

I constantly give into my own weaknesses...
I'm constantly told the same thing...
And it's causing me to wonder if anyone really cares...

To wonder is my life really worth anything?
If so, why all this repetition?
Maybe I should just throw in the towel...

If I did, no one would notice...
If they notice, they wouldn't care...
They'd just be happy to be rid of me...

To be rid of my repetitious life...
To be rid of my constant whining...
To be rid of my sheer presence...

Who really cares
About the butt of all the jokes?
Not a single soul...

Harsh?
Possibly...
Undeniable?

Ask everyone else...

Waiting and Gathering

I'm sitting and waiting,
Avoiding playing,
Waiting for the game to come to me,
To present me with an opportunity,
That to me seems long over due,
As many others have declined apart from you...

Patience is a virtue hard to learn,
But learned well, presents opportunities hard to spurn,
While I've been told Karma is supposed to be kind,
Right now it's destroying my mind,
And although nothing was ever written in stone,
Your actions have shaken me too the bone...

Now I can see through the light in your eyes,
See through to the pack of lies,
Yet I shall always keep on waiting,
And constantly keep on gathering,
The smashed up pieces of my heart,
Tape them up until my life falls apart...

Unanswerable Questions

Is your smile deceiving?
Do your eyes hide cruel intentions?
Do you intend on using me?
What do you really think of me?
Are my friend's thoughts of you true?
How do I truly feel about you?

I know I like you,
I know I want to give you everything,
The moon, the stars and the sun,
But if what my friend says is true,
Then you are just using me heartlessly,
For your own personal gain...

Taking advantage of my feelings for you...
Destroying the heart I want to share with you...

Troubles of Four People

Four people,
Good people,
People who wouldn’t harm another,
All face troubles,
That are all different,
Yet are all strikingly similar too,
And all with one thing in common,
Their problems were caused by the other gender...

Heartbreak,
Arguments,
A lack of trust,
And a simple lack of love,
All these of things are reasons to fret,
All these of things are what make all of you,
Unbearably upset,
Our kind is a loveless one...

All I can do is apologise,
And promise that one day will be different...

Signals

I feel your hand close around mine,
Startled, I don't know how to respond,
I close mine around yours,
But it lacked the feeling of longing it should've had,
Due to my tentativeness...

Later in the night you seem indifferent toward me,
I seem to have sent out the wrong signal,
It wasn't the one I intended to send out,
I wanted to squeeze your hand as tightly as you did mine,
I wanted to show my true feelings for you...

My signals have come out mixed up...

Same Old, Same Old

Different person,
Same story,
Once again I'm shot down,
Once again my kindness,
Has awarded me with another friend,
But with nothing more...

The question is asked,
Where were you?
You flick your hair,
Tilt your head,
Give a wry smile,
And with a knowing glance toward me,
You say,
Nowhere...
While the lad beside you grins guiltily...

Once again I find myself asking the same questions,
If I'm so nice,
Why don't people LIKE me?
Why is it when I pour my heart out,
I get nothing back?
Why do I get so attached to people?
Why is it always the arrogant, ignorant ones,
Get the girl,
While my heart continuously misleads itself?

Maybe I should become arrogant and ignorant,
In the hope that the opposite sex,
Follows the theory of the move,
And sees through it all,
Finding some wayward genius,
That she can fall in love with,
Maybe then I'll be happy...

My Fight

As a good friend of mine,
And a good friend of hers,
You offer to be the middleman,
To go investigate her heart,
To find out if she wants to just be friends,
Or if she wants something more,
And to find out if what they say is true,
That she does indeed like another...

However, I couldn't in good conscience let you do this,
It is not your responsibility,
It is my own,
It's similar to a boxer,
He can't just turn around and ask his coach,
To get in the ring and fight for him,
He has to get into the ring himself,
And fight his own fight...

Well, my friend...
This is my fight...
And I have to fight it alone.

The Ball

My smile turns to a grimace,
Ridiculous rules are to blame,
You have asked me to go to the ball with you,
So we can dance the night away,
I am thrilled by your invitation,
And say yes without hesitation,
Only to find that one little letter,
Prevents me from being allowed to go...

Your smile falters,
I wish it wouldn't,
It's such a wonderful sight,
You say there's always another night,
But not if what I fear comes to pass...

And you leave the ball in another man's arms...

Still Haven't Learned

That look in your eye,
That bright spark,
That excited look you once gave me,
Once made me incredibly happy,
But not anymore,
As now it's reserved for another,
Someone whose name being merely spoken,
Causes your eyes to cloud over with delight,
While any mention of mine,
Barely brings a nod of recognition from you,
Showing how your feelings toward me have changed...

I don't even know why I'm hurting,
I don't even know you that long,
But once again my heart has shown its weakness,
Its tendency to get far too attached,
To people that I know I can't have,
I just wish I would learn from the past,
Learn to control my heart's cravings,
But it looks like this lesson will never be learned,
Not unless I become completely heartless,
And start to hate life and everything in it...

That doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Love

Some things are hard to believe,
Hard to understand,
A lot of the time, one such thing is love,
Unbearably heartbreaking as it can be,
Not possible to live without it either,
As there's always someone to love...

Life

Life seems really annoyed right now,
Everywhere I turn nowadays,
One of my closet friends is in moral peril,
The problems they face,
Do not reflect their own actions,
And the things that are befalling them,
Destroy the theory of the existence of Karma...

All their problems are different,
Yet they are all uniquely serious,
With the same inevitable outcome,
Whether it be boyfriend or girlfriend trouble,
Or a son's father in terrible agony,
The outcome is agonising worry,
With the potential to end in devastating heartbreak...

It's times like this I realise my good fortune,
It's also times like this I feel useless,
As the only thing I can do in this situation,
Is to try and put a comforting arm around my friends,
And insist that everything's going to be ok,
When the fact is I haven't a clue how everything will turn out,
As life is good at concealing its true intentions...

Intimidation

I spot you from a mile away,
I cannot hide the smile from myself,
The sight of yours widening it,
But you are surrounded by others,
Friends to you,
Strangers to me,
And as you get closer and closer,
I start to feel more and more uncomfortable...

I see you turn to your group,
Whispering something I strain my ears to hear,
But am too far away too decipher,
They break into a fit of laughter,
Their attention suddenly fixed on me,
Causing my face to burn,
I have gone from being slightly uncomfortable,
To being downright intimidated...

Our paths begin to cross each other,
You smile innocently and say hi,
All the while your gang focuses unwaveringly on me,
My nerves have been shot to pieces by now,
And my return hello to you,
Is extremely nervous and shaky,
Giving you all more cause for laughter,
And while you all walk away howling to your heart's content...

My face is burning like a furnace...
And my dignity and heart are in complete tatters...

Divided

My heart is divided,
Between friendship and relationship,
Between my loyalty to him,
And my feelings for her,
It's strange how the heart works,
How it suddenly reacts,
To the slightest piece of attention,
That's paid to it...

Maybe it's just mine,
Maybe I'm just thinking too far ahead,
It has happened once before,
I don't want it to happen again,
I acted the fool when it did,
There's nothing to stop the fool from returning,
Not even time,
The old cliché...

My feelings for her,
Are a stab in the back to him,
They courted each other once,
Indeed it was a little more than that,
But not anymore,
Doesn't mean it never happened though,
And even though he encourages me,
To go for her and make her mine,
I know in my heart of hearts,
That the past will always stay in my mind...

And I will always feel,
That the two of you,
Will always have feelings for each other,
Even if they're not seen on the surface,
Making my feelings obsolete,
Making the point,
Quite pointless,
Maybe I should leave you to each other,
At least that way someone's happy...

Even if it's not me...
Even if it's not me...

(this is the best of a bad bunch from my fifth Bebo page, but I have never been able to understand why I like it as much as I do - it fits perfectly to some VERY basic guitar chords, so that might have something to do with it)

Innocent Blood and War

Green with envy,
Full of jealousy,
As your enemies,
Always defeat yee...

Yee always stay down,
Always on the ground,
Wearing frustrated frowns,
Listening to painful sounds...

The Chief Commander lied,
The day before he died,
There was no command to hide,
Now they've all died...

Your enemy's invisible,
Your sight's incapable,
Victory is impossible,
The enemy's unstoppable...

Yee hide in shadows,
Clear of windows,
Sounds of shouting commandos,
And crying widows...

There's nothing but noise,
No grace or poise,
Just guns used like toys,
They're not meant for boys...

Millions are killed,
Graves are filled,
Innocent blood gets spilled,
Yet the soldiers are still willed...

War is pointless,
It brings only hopelessness,
It solves absolutely nothing,
Yet always destroys everything...

Get Up

A blow from nowhere,
I'm swept clean from my feet,
And land dazed and confused...

...get up...

My enemy stares me down,
A disgusting creature he is,
He instills the fear of God into me...

...get up...

I quake beneath that fierce stare,
Fear and a lack of belief overcome me,
I drag myself away into a corner...

...get up...

My knees are held tightly to my chest,
Wicked yet tempting thoughts creep into my mind,
Yet I can still hear some faraway voice...

...get up...

I fear looking up from my knees,
I don't want to see my enemy's will-breaking stare,
But I need to know who offers me hope...

...get up...

I chance a half glance,
And am shocked to see the person who's standing there,
Offering me his hand and encouragement...

...get up...

The Big Man's shining light,
Blazes through the darkness of my enemy,
Maybe there's hope after all...

...GET UP!

I rise determined to my feet,
Having made an important choice,
That echoes the saying of old...

"I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees."

Now that I'm up...
I'm going to fight...
Even if I die trying.

Flawed Genius

A notorious junkie's scrawl,
Madness or genius?
Some say the first,
Others say the second,
I say both,
He is insane,
But he is deep,
His actions are sheer stupidity,
Yet his words are thought provoking...

Why does genius always have a flaw?

Everything Has a Price

You've finally got what you wanted,
You've finally ended your bad experience,
Yet you can't act mature about it,
You go off prostituting yourself,
To any girl that moves into your line of sight,
Which seems to have become quite short sighted...

You claim to be only having fun,
You also claim you don't care if you hurt her,
Well, that's all well and good,
But you should always remember one thing,
Every action has a consequence,
Every action has a price...

Even if it doesn't directly affect you...

Contrasting Outlooks

I've never been one to stop and think,
It's served me well so far,
I take life as it comes at me,
Always with a broad smile,
With a determined stare to go with it,
Nothing stops me from enjoying life...

I've always been one to stop and think,
It always seems to hold me back,
Any action is always thought out,
Half the day disappears,
Because of me pondering every possible consequence,
With furrowed eyebrows...

Chances come,
Chances go,
These contrasting outlooks,
Each bring their own chances,
Their own ways of taking them,
And their own ways of missing them...

They are contrasting...
Yet they can bear the same chances...