"When?" they ask

When?
They ask,
When will you start?
When will you join us?
Soon, I say,
Soon I will,
Or eventually,
Sometimes I say,
Eventually I shall join you.

But the truth is,
I don't ever want to,
I don't ever wish to start,
I fear what will happen,
I fear I will do something stupid,
That would cause everyone to hate me,
I fear my famous temper,
Would get the better of me too easily,
Causing someone permanent injury...

Now, you know why I don't go drinking.

The Whale

I hear an ear-piercing shriek,
I see water rise into the air,
A shadow looms large over me,
And I see a gigantic whale swim past the glass.
This whale has been imprisoned,
In a large water tank,
She's becoming restless,
And thrashes wildly against the glass,
That's preventing her from being free.
An over sized tank is no place for a whale,
She should be in her natural habitat,
The ocean,
Where she has vast space to roam in,
And other sea creatures to befriend.
I look into her eyes,
And upon seeing the loneliness in them,
I become sad at the poor beasts plight,
But as I stand on the outside of the glass,
With my head pressed against it,
I realise there's nothing I can do to help her,
To free her from this cruelty.

The Realm of Fantasy

Once upon a time,
There was a magical land,
Where people and mystical beasts,
Dwelled side-by-side.

They were ordinary people,
Like you and me,
Who went quietly about their business,
Just trying to put food on their families' tables.

Then there were the wizards and witches,
Known as The Guardians, they were the select few,
That were blessed with magical abilities,
Who protected this fair realm.

Lastly, there were the mystical creatures,
Some good and some bad,
Each blessed with varying magical powers,
That could be both wonderful and terrible.

Sometimes the realm would come under siege,
From the evil beasts of the land,
But each time they were foiled,
As they could not match the sorcery of The Guardians.

But, on one faithful day,
A wicked warlock called Vladamir,
Came to The Realm of Fantasy,
To destroy it and make it his own.

He was severely outnumbered,
The Guardians of the Realm should have dealt with him easily,
But Vladamir was more powerful then they had reckoned,
And they were swatted aside like insects.

The land was his for the taking,
He stormed the villages and captured slaves,
He rounded up all the evil beasts of the Realm,
And made them into his army.

A small group of people tried to resist,
But they were crushed by Vladamir,
Few managed to escape,
Those who did, fled to the slums.

Vladamir never attacked the slums,
He failed to see the value of such an action,
A rabble of poor people is all they are, he remarked,
Divided and leaderless, with no magical power!

He was right in his judgment of them,
They were indeed divided and leaderless,
They often squabbled amongst themselves over nothing at all,
And they had no one to turn to, to prevent these arguments.

There were over six hundred of them,
All squashed into tiny, little huts,
They struggled at times for food,
Since the land wasn’t fertile enough to grow anything.

By now, the entire land was covered with Vladamir’s evil,
The once evergreen forests, were black to the core,
The once clear waters of the rivers, were murky and filled with mutated fish,
The creatures that were of pure heart, fled the land for pastures new.

Then, worst of all, The Guardians fled the Realm,
Believing that Vladamir could not be beaten,
That his power was too great for any man to overcome,
With that, it seemed that all hope was lost.

Vladamir wished to mark The Guardians flight,
So he decided to build an enormous black tower,
This tower would become the symbol of Vladamir’s power,
It could be seen from everywhere in the Realm.

When the Black Tower was completed,
It blocked out sunlight completely,
The Realm was shadowed in permanent darkness,
The people of the slums thought the world had ended.

On the day that the tower was completed,
A boy was born in the slums to a single mother,
His father had died in the failed rebellion,
At the hands of Vladamir himself.

His mother named him Sunrise,
The irony being that he would never see one,
Unfortunately, she passed away soon after giving birth,
Leaving Sunrise with no family in the slums.

Sunrise learned a lot from the people of the slums,
He learned about how Vladamir had taken over the Realm,
He heard tales of The Guardians and of their mystical powers,
And he learned of his fathers heroic death.

Vladamir did not bother with the slums for a long time,
But, one day, on Sunrise’ 18th birthday,
He decided to purge the slums with his army,
Just to show the people the true extent of his power.

It was on that day,
That Sunrise witnessed evil for the first time,
The blood of his comrades was shed,
And all he could do was hide and hope they wouldn’t find him.

When he decided to look to see if the onslaught was over,
He was met with a gruesome sight,
Blood was everywhere and huts were burnt down,
Only a handful of people survived.

Sunrise went to sleep angry that night,
Angry because they had been caught unawares,
If Vladamir is so powerful, he thought to himself,
Why then, does he attack defenceless people without warning?

Sunrise had a strange dream that night,
In it, he was talking to his parents,
They were telling him to round up all those of pure heart,
And start an uprising against Vladamir.

But there are only a small group of us, Sunrise said,
We are too few to defeat Vladamir and his army,
It is your destiny, they insisted,
Vladamir shall fall by your sword.

Sunrise awoke with a burning determination inside of him,
He gathered together the last surviving people of the slums,
Today, he said, we shall rebel against Vladamir!
They thought he was insane.

We cannot rebel, we are too few, one said,
It would be suicide,
We were lucky to survive the last attack,
Let us not push our luck.

Sunrise looked at him and issued a rallying call,
If we stay here and do nothing, Vladamir shall return and finish us off,
I am tired off living under the terms of a tyrant,
It is time for us to take back what is ours!

But should we fail, another man said;
Sunrise drew his fathers sword from its sheath,
Then we shall die an honourable death, he replied,
As the first Knights of the Realm!

Then they marched toward the Black Tower of Vladamir,
As the first Knights of the Realm,
Sunrise drew his sword once more,
And challenged Vladamir to a battle.

Vladamir heard the challenge from the top of his tower and was surprised,
No one had dared challenge him for over eighteen years,
Ever since he crushed that small resistance from the slums,
He looked out of his tower window to see who dared challenge him.

What he saw shocked and amazed him,
He could see what The Knights hadn’t yet seen,
Behind them were The Guardians,
And behind The Guardians were the creatures of pure heart.

They returned after hearing of the attack,
The wished to help the people of the slums recover,
But, upon seeing The Knights of the Realm gathered at the Black Tower,
They knew the time of the final battle had arrived.

Sunrise turned and was shocked to see them all gathered there,
He hadn’t noticed them arrive,
He held his sword aloft and shouted,
Today is the day we fight!

Vladamir released his army of foul beasts,
Just as the army of the Realm charged,
Blood rained down as swords met claws,
And as spells struck their targets.

As Sunrise struck down a foe,
He saw an entrance to the stairs of the tower,
He stormed the Black Tower, killing anyone who got in his way,
Before finding Vladamir at the top.

Vladamir turned as Sunrise burst through the door,
He smiled wickedly and cast a spell in his direction,
Sunrise narrowly dodged it and shouted,
Coward, you fear fighting me like a real man!

Vladamir was incensed by this taunt,
He took up a sword, but paused as he did so,
Recognising the sword in Sunrise' hand, and the expression Sunrise now wore,
And then it hit him.

I killed your father, he laughed wickedly,
Sunrise’ eyes widened with anger,
I’m sure you have heard heroic tales about him, Vladamir taunted,
But the truth is he died begging me for mercy!

Liar! Screamed Sunrise and he charged at Vladamir,
There was a clang of steel on steel,
And both men lost their footing,
Before falling through the door which led to the roof of the tower.

As they landed on the cold hard ground,
The battle below raged on,
The army of the Realm were defeating their evil counterparts,
The wicked beasts could not stand this sort of onslaught.

The battle between Vladamir and Sunrise was an even contest,
They battled for hours, matching each others strikes,
But Vladamir was tiring and made one last, desperate lunge,
Which Sunrise avoided, before chopping his head off.

As Vladamir fell, a shining light blinded Sunrise,
He turned around and, for the first time,
He saw the sun,
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He picked up Vladamir’s head and threw it over the edge of the tower,
He heard the evil beasts wail of despair,
And the army of the Realm's yells of victory,
It was finally over.

Sunrise looked down at his comrades and held his sword high in triumph,
Suddenly, the tower began to collapse beneath him,
He thought his death was upon him,
Until one of the creatures of pure heart flew up and whisked him to the ground.

The Black Tower collapsed,
And for the first time in over eighteen years,
Sunlight spread through the Realm of Fantasy,
The reign of Vladamir the Warlock was over…

The reign of Sunrise the Knight was about to begin.

The Puppeteer

You are very clever,
You know how to manipulate those around you,
You know what buttons to push,
You know what strings to pull,
Just like a puppeteer.
You think you can intimidate those close to you,
So they will bow to your wishes,
Yet as soon as someone attempts to bully you,
You back down,
Like a coward,
Unlike a puppeteer,
Who's always in control.
Perfectly good people,
Have been turned into complete tools,
By your manipulative abilities,
You're arrogance is unbelievable,
But once someone stands up to you,
You crumble,
Like a wet sand castle.
There is only one thing,
That could possibly put you in your place,
But I hope it doesn't happen,
As, it could break your heart,
And make you do something stupid...
It could make you kill yourself.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone,
Let alone you,
As, despite your puppeteer-like traits,
I actually like you.

The Heart

You have stolen my heart,
And I want you to give it back,
But I also want you to keep it,
Once you intend to use it,
Then, I would gladly love you in return,
But, if you don't intend on using it,
Please give it back to me,
So I can give my love to another.

As long as you have it in your possession,
I become emotionally bound to you,
But if you would return it to me,
I could leave you be,
You would put up with me no more.
There is only one problem now,
You do not know that you have my heart,
You do not hold it above me while shouting

Keep away!
It is in your back pocket,
Where you can't see it,
You can't give something back,
If you don't know that you have it in the first place,
This means that I'm destined to love you forever,
Without ever receiving that love in return,
It's ok, I can manage it by now.

I've lived in this world of blackness long enough,
To know how to live life without love.

Thanks

The day is cold and the wind is bitter,
The ship is moored in the harbour,
And I wait to board it with a group of people.
I am depressed looking at the huge group around me,
As I have realised something horrible about this situation,
I don't know them well at all,
I would have the odd chat with some,
While I have never even spoken to others before.
My own friends all pulled out of this trip,
Because of one single day in the year,
Leaving me on my own to contend with strangers.
I'm expecting to receive the cold shoulder,
To be treated as an outsider,
After all, they don't know who I am,
While, I could hardly claim to know them at all.
In the beginning I was isolated,
But only because I was too shy to approach them,
I thought they would just ignore me,
So I sit on my own at a table,
And start to feel a little sea sick,
( I am notorious for being a poor traveller ).
I sit alone and close my eyes,
Hoping, without any real conviction,
That someone will come to my aid.
Suddenly, I hear someone call my name,
To my surprise,
I see the very group of people that I expected to shun me,
Standing in front of me trying to ease my pain.
In the end, my fears were in my mind,
They welcomed me with open arms,
Into their almost family-like group of friends.
That feeling of acceptance will stay with me for as long as I live,
Because, while it seems like a small thing to do for them,
To me, it meant I had companionship for the duration of the trip,
Something I didn't think I would have before I boarded the ship.
The trip was memorable,
As it feels like I have made a group of new friends,
I will never forget their treatment of me,
I was treated like one of them,
Like a good friend,
A gesture that will stay with me forever.
The trip is now over,
My heart lies heavy in my chest,
As I know that things will go back to normal,
With just the odd hello and idle piece of chit-chat in the corridors,
Being our only sign of recognising each other,
Yet, despite this,
I just want to thank them,
Thank them for treating me as a friend,
And for all the magical memories they have given me,
I will treasure those until the day I die.
So, thank you for everything,
You're a wonderful group of people,
Hopefully, we'll end up going on an another trip together again,
As I would then have an excuse to talk to you all,
And to get that feeling of acceptance once more.

Sweet River

So young,
So innocent,
You came into the world of fame,
At a tender age,
You had to support your entire family,
As well as various-hangers on,
You couldn't cope with the pressure,
So you turned to drugs,
To lift you above it all,
But you began to change,
You became a shadow of your former self,
In others eyes anyway.

Then one day,
You took something,
That could make you fly like a phoenix,
When it works right,
But when it doesn't,
You fall, fall, fall,
To your death.
You fell sweet River,
You fell,
But your mystical qualities remain,
In the works of art that you have left behind.

Sorry

I'm so sorry,
Please forgive me,
For whatever it is I have done,
To make you all hate me,
Please tell me what it is,
So I can try to rectify it.

The last thing I ever wanted to do,
Was to annoy any of you,
Or hurt any of you in any way,
So please tell me what it is I have done,
To make you all stop talking to me,
So I can try and fix it.

I miss talking to you all,
That trip was the best of my life,
Which is why I am now perplexed,
As I thought you all liked me,
Obviously, I was wrong,
I'm so sorry for my mistake.

I'm begging you to let me fix it,
I'm on my knees, asking for your forgiveness,
I miss you all so much,
Please give me a second chance,
I won't make my mistake again,
Whatever that mistake was.

Passion (Gone)

It’s gone,
I’ve lost it,
That drive,
That determination,
The will to win,
The fire in my belly,
Has been extinguished.
The passion that earned me so many plaudits,
Has vanished for no reason,
My body isn’t as quick as it once was,
A side effect by the loss,
Of my heart.
Now I am lazy,
Now I don’t care,
Not my old traits,
Before I’d get angry if I lost,
Now it’s a battle to bother at all,
Which is why I’m quitting,
As I am a liability to the others,
A waste of space,
An overweight has been,
At the tender age of eighteen,
How sad.

Over Pressure

Everyone has started talking me up,
A relative's job I suppose,
But I could do without it to be honest,
Oh, he's going to be a journalist,
They say with a hint of smugness,
He's going to college,
They brag to their friends,
Not taking my feelings into account,
What if I was to suddenly change my mind?
Or if I fail to reach the high standards set by the powers that be?
They would feel let down,
After me telling everyone, they would angrily say,
You come along and fail!

I can feel the pressure mounting,
Until one wise old man,
A man looked upon as God himself,
Walking amongst mere mortals!
Well in my friends eyes anyway,
Gives me some advice,
Just let the pressure go over your head, he says,
Just let the expectation pass you by,
Don't get swept away by it,
And see what happens.
I am beginning to heed his advice,
And I no longer feel under pressure,
I now feel over pressure.

Mistakes and Regrets

I drop to my knees in despair,
Yet another mistake,
To add to my ever-growing collection,
They are silly little blunders,
That shouldn't be happening,
But are,
Quite frequently.
I look up,
And I see everyone laughing,
Friends, enemies, everyone,
I don't blame them,
I'd laugh too,
If I wasn't the one making the mistakes.

The past continues to haunt me,
Like some sort of evil poltergeist,
Memories I would like to put to rest,
Return again and again,
To remind me of my stupidity,
Or of my weaknesses.
Everyone jokes about my past,
Thinking that it's funny,
But to me,
It's a history of my most shameful moments,
Moments that I can't rectify,
Meaning they shall remain with me,
For all eternity.

My mistakes and regrets,
Are all mixing together,
And are starting to drive me insane,
Nothing I do,
Will ever erase those mistakes,
Or make me forget my regrets,
I shall have to live with them,
And live with everyone's laughter,
Until the day I die,
Alone and unmourned,
And, worst of all,
Unloved,
Like a filthy rat.

Love Ignored

I love you,
I need you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

I want to hold you,
I want to kiss you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

I want to spend my life with you,
I want to marry you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

Now I'm begging you,
Love me like I love you,
You ignore me,
You don't notice me.

Now I pull out a knife,
I threaten to take my own life,
Still you ignore me,
You never seem to notice me.

Life's Ending

Rain lashing,
Wind howling,
Floorboards creaking,
Fear increasing,
Footsteps approaching,
Heartbeat racing,
Face leering,
Mind numbing,
Knife rising,
Suddenly realising,
Knife's falling,
Pain ensuing,
Blood pouring,
Pain receding,
Numbness spreading,
Life's ending.

Let Down

I have let down everybody I know,
I haven't done as well as I should've,
I've let down all my teachers,
As these results are insulting to them,
I've let down my fellow classmates,
Who now mock me in a way they never did before,
I have let her down,
The one I love most in the world,
She would laugh at me if she saw these results.

But the worst thing of all is,
I have let myself down,
I haven't done myself justice,
I can do far better, I know I can,
But the pain of this failure,
Will haunt me forever.
Let's hope that my goals are achieved in the real thing,
Because if I don't reach them, my life will be ruined,
And my world will become a world of total misery.

Judgement Day

I am shaking with nerves,
My work has been passed on for judgment,
I fear what they will say,
I fear their criticisms,
Even though they can only help me.

The work has been passed onto friends,
That should offer me encouragement, but it doesn't,
It only makes me more nervous,
I fear they won't think it's good enough,
For their high standards.

I am summoned by them,
Judgment day is upon me,
I drop my suitcase on the way in,
My face turns bright red as I pick it up,
I have made a fool of myself.

They laugh,
Typical of him, they say,
I fidget with my tie while looking at them,
Nervously awaiting their verdict,
Their faces give nothing away...

Until they smile,
And say they think it's good!
My joy knew no boundaries,
It was beyond any over the top celebration.
I actually burst into tears!

Inspiration

It is amazing how inspiration works,
Events of enormous magnitude can inspire,
But so can things that seem trivial,
Things considered unimportant by most,
But are important to the one that matters,
The one holding the pen!
Today, I read the poetry of a fellow writer,
No combination of words are fit to describe it,
It is the best I have ever read,
And I include all the big name poets in saying that,
Plath, Yeats, Bishop,
In my eyes,
This persons work is better than them all!
His work inspired me to write this,
To try and compare myself to him,
Even though I already know,
In my heart of hearts,
That there is no comparison to be made.
I am overjoyed to have seen his work,
But I am sad to have seen it too,
As I don't think I can ever match it,
But that doesn't mean I won't try,
I shall continue writing,
And so shall he,
And we shall take inspiration from the biggest of events,
As well as the smallest,
As inspiration can be found in all corners of the globe,
Even in another poet’s writing.

...

We hear you fall and run upstairs,
You’re lying on the ground,
A knife in your hand,
And covered in crimson red.
You’re eyes are half open,
And you struggle to draw breath,
While coughing up blood,
We have to ring an ambulance.

As the sirens wail in the distance,
I notice a strange look in your eyes,
A look that worries me deeply,
You look oddly content,
You wear a look of happiness,
On your blood stained face,
Something that I haven’t seen,
In a long time.

Then, all the different questions race through my mind,
Yet they carry the same meaning,
And they are all unanswerable.
Why would you do this to your family and friends?
Why would you give temporary problems a permanent solution?
I want to ask why you did this,
But you look so peaceful on the ground,
So I don’t.

You’re put into the ambulance,
And the flat line signals your death,
The family all start crying,
But my grief was beyond tears,
As I now know,
That my questions will never answered,
And I’ll never know what it is I could’ve done,
To have made your life a little more bearable.

Hidden Behind Better People

I stand practically invisible,
Behind two of my friends,
While the pair of them,
Get all of the attention,
As per usual.
Visibly more attractive than me,
It comes as no surprise,
That the girls fawn over them,
After all, no one thinks of me that way,
Since I'm looked on as responsible,
As innocent,
As the one people turn to,
When in need of help or advice.
This wouldn't bother me,
If I could fulfill the duties expected of me,
But I can't,
Because I'm not as mature or responsible,
As my age suggests I should be,
And I can't help my friends when they need it,
These things tear me up inside.
But they,
They are better people,
Than I could ever wish to be,
Which is why I stay hidden,
As they deserve all of the attention they get,
While I hide in a corner,
Where I belong.

Happiness

Happiness is a truly wonderful thing,
It can be found in almost any place,
From the richest of estates,
To the poorest slums,
It is always just around the corner.

The rich man says he is happy,
But sometimes so do the poor,
As they are happy for what they have,
Their family and friends,
Money doesn't always make you happy,
But some people still think money guarantees happiness.

Anything can make you happy,
Whether it be winning the lottery,
Or helping others,
Going on a family holiday,
Or being with your friends,
Happiness is always only a small step away.

Some people find happiness in solitude,
But, more often then not, it's found in another person,
In the one you love,
As nothing can make you more happy,
Then finding the one you wish to spend your life with,
Even if you know you can't have them.

Personally, I find happiness in writing,
Since, through this, I can express my emotions to others,
Whether I am angry and sad,
Or lonely and regretful,
My pen can release these emotions onto a page,
And keep me from bottling them up inside of me.

This particular poem is about happiness,
Possibly the strongest of all human emotions,
As anger and sadness will pass with time,
While happiness will always remain,
Just as the sun will always see the day
And just like the way she will always be in my heart.

So come my friends and follow me around the corner,
Let us away and take the one step to happiness, like the rest of them have,
Like all those who have already filled their hearts with joy.

Everything Vanishes

I see you running down the road,
Shouting at me with joy,
With your arms outstretched,
I'm happy to see you too,
So I open my arms in welcome,
Hoping to feel your warm embrace,
Wishing to smell your sun-kissed hair,
And desiring greatly to kiss those fair lips,
But before we reach each other,
You disappear before my very eyes,
And everything around me vanishes,
Replaced by vast and endless darkness.

I look around in panic,
Just wanting to wake up in my own bed,
I hear shouting behind me,
I turn and see all my friends,
Calling me to them,
I run toward them,
Feeling relieved that I am not alone,
In this forsaken patch of blackness,
But before I can get to them,
They too disappear before my very eyes,
Leaving me on my own again,
To contend with permanent darkness.

Then I see my family,
They too call me toward them,
Everyone is there, even the big man,
Even though he has been dead five years,
But I don't question why he is there,
I just run as fast as I can to them,
Hoping beyond hope,
That they wouldn't vanish too,
But then they did, and I start to cry,
Wondering why I have been brought to this cruel place,
Trying to think of someone I know who would play such evil tricks,
And hoping that I am just having a horrible nightmare.

But then the truth is revealed,
The darkness disappears,
And suddenly I find myself looking down,
At where I was standing,
When I saw you running to me,
But I am not standing anymore,
I am lying, spread-eagled, on the ground,
Everyone I just saw vanish before my eyes,
Are crowded around me crying,
The ambulance men put me in a body-bag,
I am, quite clearly, dead,
And I never got to feel your loving embrace...

To me, that's the saddest thing of all.