Act

It’s all an elaborate act,
The pitch,
The body language,
The tone of voice,
The smile,
It’s all just a way of getting people
Interested enough to talk to you…

It is acting on a permanent scale,
There is no respite,
No time for rest,
The smile remains forever intact,
Always coaxing the unsure
Out of the safety of their shells
And into a place of impulse…

Only the eyes can’t act,
Any hint of worry or doubt
That creeps into your mind
Will seep its way through those clear windows,
Exposing itself to those you are talking to,
Infecting them with the same doubts and fears,
Ruining any chance of building bonds and trust…

This is an act far more advanced…
Then any seen on a stage or screen…
The world becomes your eternal stage…
The poker face becomes your eternal mask…

(you can thank my door-to-door selling experience for this terrible poem - however, while it's not the best poem ever written, it gets across what it was like faking a part of your personality and mood whilst trying to sell things to people on their doorstep, and it's an experience I'm glad I got).

How?

My head isn’t in its right place,
My heart isn’t in one piece,
Weeks after and I still feel
The same about the one I can’t have,
I know she’s moving swiftly on,
Well, I don’t really know,
But in my mind she’s already courting another,
Much to my soul’s disarray…

Why would she stand still?
Time waits for no one,
Life stops for no one,
Why would she do the same?
I’m the opposite,
I would gladly stop everything
For the sake of something more important,
This is why I’m constantly falling behind…

I need to move forward,
I don’t want to,
I need to forget the past,
I can’t, even if I wanted to,
I need to repair what’s left of my heart,
I don’t know how,
I need to give myself a proper chance,
Thinking of this reminds me of the little chance we had…

Anything and everything reminds me of her…
How can I forget what I can’t escape?

Deja Vu

Trying to read her mind
Is like trying to find a needle
In a haystack,
I wish so much to find it
But I fear the severity of its prick,
I fear it will lead to heartbreak…

The feeling in my stomach has changed,
Where butterflies once flew
A sick feeling now rests,
It knows what is about to happen,
Now my heart and mind
Need to brace themselves for the harsh reality…

I’ve been here before,
I can see the signs,
The situation is completely different
Yet startling similar,
We should have had longer than we did,
Where have I said that before?

I feel an impending sense of deja vu…

Time is fickle,
It stops and goes back for no one,
I wish I could turn the clock back
And make more of the brief time we had,
I just wish I could hold you one more time
And for that time to last an eternity…

We’ve been through the rain and the sun,
The elements couldn’t stop us,
Other complications are what stand in our way now,
They are slowly but surely squeezing
The happiness and trust from our relationship,
If it could even be called a relationship…

All of this has happened before,
The compression of things irrelevant
Has forced a premature end to another bond before,
Suffocating is the way to describe it,
Slowly but surely all air is blocked from our lungs,
Forcing us to cut our losses and part ways…

I feel an impending sense of deja vu…

Constant Reminders

Out on the dance floor,
Up at the bar,
Out on the packed streets,
Everywhere I turn I see couples
Doing the things we never got the chance to do,
I’m constantly reminded of what I can’t have,
I see passionate kissing everywhere,
I see hands clasped together everywhere,
I see people losing each other in the other’s eyes everywhere,
I see all the ups,
I see all the downs,
And all the while I think to myself,
We never got the chance to be truly up or down,
We started in a blaze,
It was extinguished as suddenly as it started
By circumstances unavoidable,
Now there’s just this emptiness,
A void where you should be,
I need to stop staring into that empty space,
But I can’t bring myself to,
Nor can I bring myself to try and fill it with something else,
As the loss I’ve experienced is still too fresh in the memory…

Cease

How ironic it is
That in order to stand the sight
Of spilling blood
You must ignore the feelings
Of that which pumps the blood in the first place…

How awful it is
That in order to stand the sight
Of a friend falling forever
You must numb yourself completely
And pretend you never knew them at all…

How tragic it is
That the older generation’s pain
Dies with every veteran that succumbs to age,
Leaving us again with the youthful innocence and ignorance
That led to millions dying blindly before…

How inevitable it is
That the world is destined
To live out this repetitive cycle
Of peace, fighting, coldness
Until we eventually obliterate the places we call home…

How terrible it is
That when everything comes to a close
We will have to destroy
Those we hold dear to us
Just to keep our own lives….

History is a wheel that forever keeps spinning,
Life is the engine that keeps the wheel turning,
People are what allow life to make history,
People are the biggest threat to history’s existence,
Someday the threat will become reality…

Irony, awfulness, tragedy, inevitability and terribleness will cease to exist…
History will cease to exist…