Permanent Anger

People don’t understand me,
They constantly ask why I am so competitive,
It’s just the way I am, is my reply,
However, saying this is ignorant,
As I don’t really understand why myself.

I don’t know why I get so angry,
Or so annoyed at the simplest of things,
It is really quite stupid,
As it has led to me doing foolish things,
Things that have hurt people I know.

Yet still I don’t see sense.

When I am in this angry state,
I turn into this ogre,
This primitive beast,
Who won’t see reason with anyone,
Not until it’s too late.

One day I will hurt someone close to me,
Maybe then my lesson will be learned,
But I hope it won’t come to that,
As my life would then be over,
With my friends abandoning me...

Stuck in a state of permanent anger.

Hope is Lost

I have now lost all hope,
Why, I do not know,
I have suddenly been overcome a feeling,
A feeling that says,
I shall never have you.

A friend who is close to you,
Tells me I might have a chance,
Another friend you do not know,
Tells me impossible is nothing.
Jesters the pair of them!

Gut instinct has never been my strong point,
But right now it is saying,
I am too immature and weak,
To be worthy of your heart,
Unfortunately, I would have to agree.

My eyes are filled with tears,
My heart feels like it has been smashed to pieces,
Obviously, you didn't mean it,
You aren't even aware you have done it,
But one realisation has come with another.

Now I know I can never have you,
I also know I shall never love another,
They say it's better to have loved and lost
Then to have never loved at all,
But it would have been nice had you been mine to lose...

Because I would have made sure I didn't!

(Gav White would put music to a version of this poem which we sang just once - he did most of the singing, to be fair - as a duo heroically called Orwellian Fear; we could have set the world ablaze)

I am

Life will beat you to your knees
If you allow it too,
That's why it's not about how hard you can hit -
It's about how hard you can get hit
And bounce back every time,
Unfazed and unharmed.
It's about being able to stand toe-to-toe
With anyone who thinks they are bigger than you
And being able to say proudly,
With your chest puffed out,
"I am!"

Isolation

It is a strange feeling,
One I have never felt before,
Around people I consider friends,
I feel suddenly all alone.

I have never noticed this feeling,
Not until now,
It is almost as if,
I don't know who they are.

I bear no grudges with them,
In fact we get on well,
Yet I feel odd around them,
As if I do not belong.

Maybe this feeling is in my mind,
Or it is a problem that is only temporary,
I just hope it goes away soon,
I miss being able to enjoy my friends company.

Yet it seems to be growing,
This terrible feeling of isolation,
It seems that they are my friends no more,
And their friendship was just a figment of my imagination.

Heartbreak

As I see you walking down the road,
My heart begins to rejoice,
You make me feel strange inside,
In my mind, I hear this wonderful voice.

Yet, I see some stranger with you,
You are walking arm-in-arm,
I hope it is not what it looks like,
But the voice disappears amongst sounds of alarm.

You look into each others eyes,
In what is clearly a loving gaze,
You notice me not as you walk by me,
This sight is causing me heartbreak.

I knew that this moment would come,
Yet, it still comes as a complete suprise,
Afterall, what would you see in a boy like me,
Who can barely cross his t's and dot his i's.

I am not foolish enough to suggest that I don't care,
But it is true that I do not begrudge you your happiness,
You are the love of my life and if this is what you want,
Then it is what I want, even if it means you cannot be my sweetness.