Why?

Why did you leave us so many years prematurely?
It was not your time,
What were you thinking?
What have you achieved by departing so soon?
Silence.
The question falls on deaf ears.

How could you come to such a conclusion?
A temporary problem you gave a permanent solution,
Can you see what you are missing?
The children growing up,
Through the awkward teenage years,
You won't be there to guide them through.

Do you remember our trip to paradise?
How could you forget?
It was the best time of our lives!
But there should have been more,
Many more.

Can you see what you have left behind?
A loving family,
One that would have supported you,
Had you let them.

Have you seen the hurt you have caused?
No parents should bury their child,
But you have changed fate,
And they are here still, while you are gone.

You have left behind so many questions,
Questions that need answering,
But never will be until we join you,
Yet that won't stop asking the one that needs answering the most...

Why?

We're Having a Great Time!

A very odd night indeed,
It begins in familiar surroundings,
On the setting of the beach,
I greet people I haven't seen in many a moon,
We're having a great time!

I promised one lad I would be there,
He hails me when I see him,
He reckons he's had too much to drink,
He sings funny songs and does funny dances,
Clearly, he's having a great time!

Unfortunately, we are forced to move,
When the guards rear their ugly heads,
They pour my friend's drink out,
So he gives them a fake name...
Jim's having a great time!

So we head to the hills,
Located beyond a fence,
I feel quite content there,
But we move again for another adventure,
We're having a great time!

We then end up in the Woodlands,
To wind down our night of madness,
One lad slips and falls in the mud,
But he gets up and laughs it off,
Because he's having a great time!

Then comes the end of our great night,
It fills me with much sadness and despair
Since we have to leave our friends behind;
The tale of this night may seem insignificant to others,
But it will always have a special place in my heart...

Because I had a great time!

Where Am I Gone?

I am not who I used to be,
I used to relish a challenge,
Perhaps I have become too comfortable,
Possibly I have become afraid,
Afraid if being tarnished with the brush of failure,
Or maybe I am just plain lazy,
It seems to be a combination of the three,
But why?

Yes, you are right,
It is a combination of the three,
Too comfortable you have become,
Everything was too easy for you,
Which also explains your fear of failure,
You now expect everything to come together instantly,
Which explains your laziness,
Does that answer your question?

It does indeed,
I know now what I must do,
It is time for me to get up,
To stop stuffing myself with food,
It is time for me to find where I have gone,
To pull myself back from the brink,
I am quite lucky, which is why I should be happy,
Which is why I should come back from wherever I am gone.

Two in the Morning

At two in the morning,
I come in the front door,
I stagger into the bathroom,
To look at myself in the mirror,
My face is pure white,
Pale as death,
My brow is covered in sweat,
You would think that it had been raining,
My eyes are black,
Dark alleyways leading to nothing.
I fall into bed,
My head spinning,
I begin to hear laughter,
Out of fear,
I pull the bed sheets over me,
But I can still hear it,
Loud and shrill,
Mocking me,
Laughing at my stupidity,
I drift into an uneasy sleep,
My dreams are filled with people laughing,
People I consider friends,
I awake every now and then,
The laughter still ringing in my ears,
The next morning I look at myself in the mirror,
Never again, I say.

The Weakness Returns

Well, well, well,
You have returned again,
Both a friend and an enemy,
In equal measure,
You make me feel happy,
But also sad,
You make me feel wonderful,
But also disgusting,
I tried to do ignore you,
But to no avail,
Clearly, we are meant to be side by side,
One associated with the other,
I have come to loathe you,
But I can't go without you,
We may as well enjoy each other's company again,
As I am too weak to ignore you any longer,
You filthy piece of vermin.

The Shot

It happened when I was playing a game with friends,
While taking a break,
I decided to mess with the football,
I flicked it up,
And took, what was supposed to be
A pot shot.
I hit it firmly with my instep
And was left in awe
As it sailed majestically through the air
And into the basketball hoop!
I grinned cheekily,
And raised my hand in triumph,
Knowing full well it was a fluke!

(this took place in Trinity Sports and Leisure, presumably during P.E. with classmates from Grange Community College; possibly my greatest sporting triumph)

The Tricycle, the Bee and my Knee

I am an innocent six year old,
Laughing and playing,
Without a care in the world,
Just enjoying life.

I am staying in my granny's house,
She spoils me rotten,
She always gives me money and sweets,
How lucky am I!?

I decide to go out to the back garden,
As I want to cycle my tricycle,
But as I cycle along the path,
I fall over and into the grass.

It's quite funny at first,
The sun is shining and the weather is warm,
But I suddenly feel this pain in my knee,
I look down and see a black and yellow bee.

The bee had stung me!
The pain was incredible,
Like a burning sensation in my knee,
But my granny comes to my rescue.

She rubs a special cream on the sting,
Tears roll down my eyes,
But then she promises me a brand new toy,
For being such a brave little boy!

I look up at her with joy,
My tears begin to disappear,
They are replaced instead by a large grin,
Which got even larger when I got my new toy!

The Chronicles of an Ordinary Man Who Led an Extraordinary Life

When he was born,
His parents named him John,
They had no hopes for their son,
To them he was as good as gone.

He had an older brother,
Who was his best friend,
But a tragic accident,
Would bring their friendship to an end.

His father would blame John,
Indeed he would come to loath him,
And he cursed the heavans,
Believing God to have robbed him.

This upset John greatly,
So he turned to music,
To calm his angry soul,
To sooth him.

John got himself a guitar,
And also joined the army,
He proposed to his girl,
She thought he was crazy.

Their relationship was tough,
They had problems paying the rent,
John couldn't sell a thing,
In their bills, he couldn't make a dent.

It was then, at his lowest ebb,
When walking down the street one day,
That he saw a building,
That made his heart jump with joy.

He formed a band,
And they auditioned,
The owner wasn't impressed,
To him it was repitition.

Then John had an idea,
And he played his own song,
The owners eyes brightened,
His first impression was wrong.

John and his band toured the country,
But his relationship continued to suffer,
When he met a woman on the tour,
Who happened to be a real looker.

She had flowing hair,
And a warm gaze,
Her name was June,
John was completely dazed.

Then the pressures of touring,
Began to take their toll,
And John turned to drugs,
To lift him from this depressing hole.

Yet things continued to get worse,
His relationship at home was destroyed,
June wanted nothing to do with him,
It was as if his world was hit by an asteroid.

And John remained on the drugs,
Not realising his problem;
It took a near death experience,
To make him realise he needed a solution.

Then John began to turn his life around,
He and June went back touring,
And they recorded a new album,
Everything was going smoothly.

Yet John was not content,
He had a deep desire burning inside of him,
At the bottom of his heart,
And he asked June to marry him.

At first she refused his advances,
But it seemed to be destiny,
And she said yes,
In front of an entire assembly.

John led an extraordinary life,
He had millions of fans,
And a beautiful wife,
But it should never be forgotten...

That he was an ordinary man,
Who achieved extraordinary things.

I Miss You

It's hard to believe
That it has been over five years now
Since you left us.
I remember that as a child,
I always saw you as the big man:
Tall, proud and unwavering.
I never imagined you would leave before me;
I understand now your reason for this departure,
But I don't agree with it,
And I never will.

It's a big day tomorrow,
You will miss the conformation.
Well, I say you will miss it,
No doubt though you will be there in spirit -
You wouldn't miss something of this magnitude,
But spirit isn't the same for me.
I miss the way you would ruffle my hair when you saw me;
I miss our handshake;
I miss watching the Celtic games with you;
I miss kicking a ball around with you in the park...

I miss you,
I wish you would come back to us.
You will never be forgotten,
Big Man.

The Battle of the Plain of Glass

I stand there,
Waiting,
In the bitter cold,
Ready to do battle,
On a field of glass.

The general comes,
The battle commences,
But his tactics are awry,
They hinder our progress,
We become penned back.

We cannot get out,
We are trapped,
Surrounded by the enemy,
Any attempt at forward movement,
Only damages our chances further.

The ball falls at my feet,
The enemy closes in,
I do the only I can do,
I hit it as hard as I can,
It sails behind enemy lines.

I caught it sweetly,
It bends and swerves in the wind,
Before landing in the opposition goal,
Yet the general shouts angrily,
What are you doing?!

I raise my hand in triumph,
The hand that had been bloodied by battle,
But the general refuses to acknowledge my feat,
Saying, instead, that I had broken his rules,
To which my reply is, do you wish us to lose?

He gives me a look of sheer loathing,
I return it with a smirk,
For I know I am right,
If we listen to the general we lose,
If we ignore him, we win.

It's that simple.

The Bohemian

People think you are odd,
Just because you are different,
But in your mind,
They are odd,
Because they are different.

You wander around aimlessly,
Deep in thought,
Wondering about things,
That mean something to you,
But mean nothing to others.

You are an artist,
And a poet,
Who travels all around,
In search of inspiration,
So you can create a masterpiece.

You write songs on trains,
Or on park benches,
You sketch pictures in school,
Or in your friends house,
Wherever the inspiration comes to you.

You are a total recluse,
You talk to nobody,
No one knows who you are,
Not that you want them to,
You prefer your own company.

Storm, Shadows...and a Little Something Special

I am lying in my bed,
Listening to the sounds,
That the night makes,
As the world spins around.

A storm is raging,
Rain splatters the windows,
The wind is howling,
Suddenly, I see shadows.

They jump out at me,
I begin to feel afraid,
I pull the bed sheets over me,
Believing no one will come to my aid.

It is then I think of you,
Of your beautiful, fresh face,
Your dazzling, bright smile,
Your majestic poise and grace.

Then the storm begins to calm,
The shadows begin to lift,
All because of you,
With your magical gift.

You are the special one,
In you, no faults I can detect,
You are the one I love,
You are just perfect.

Jinky

You could twist and turn,
You had speed to burn,
Your name was Jinky.

Sometimes you would fly,
High into the sky,
Because of your dazzling trickery.

You left Terry Cooper,
Stuck in a stupor,
It was typical Jinky.

Red Star Belgrade,
Were completely dazed,
By the quick feet of Jinky.

You were part of the Lions,
Who in defiance,
Defeated Milan in Lisbon.

For the cause, you took many a belt,
That's why you're our greatest ever Celt!
Oh, how we love our Jinky.

Now you are dead and gone,
Yet you will always live on,
Because we will never forget our Jinky!

Permanent Anger

People don’t understand me,
They constantly ask why I am so competitive,
It’s just the way I am, is my reply,
However, saying this is ignorant,
As I don’t really understand why myself.

I don’t know why I get so angry,
Or so annoyed at the simplest of things,
It is really quite stupid,
As it has led to me doing foolish things,
Things that have hurt people I know.

Yet still I don’t see sense.

When I am in this angry state,
I turn into this ogre,
This primitive beast,
Who won’t see reason with anyone,
Not until it’s too late.

One day I will hurt someone close to me,
Maybe then my lesson will be learned,
But I hope it won’t come to that,
As my life would then be over,
With my friends abandoning me...

Stuck in a state of permanent anger.

Hope is Lost

I have now lost all hope,
Why, I do not know,
I have suddenly been overcome a feeling,
A feeling that says,
I shall never have you.

A friend who is close to you,
Tells me I might have a chance,
Another friend you do not know,
Tells me impossible is nothing.
Jesters the pair of them!

Gut instinct has never been my strong point,
But right now it is saying,
I am too immature and weak,
To be worthy of your heart,
Unfortunately, I would have to agree.

My eyes are filled with tears,
My heart feels like it has been smashed to pieces,
Obviously, you didn't mean it,
You aren't even aware you have done it,
But one realisation has come with another.

Now I know I can never have you,
I also know I shall never love another,
They say it's better to have loved and lost
Then to have never loved at all,
But it would have been nice had you been mine to lose...

Because I would have made sure I didn't!

(Gav White would put music to a version of this poem which we sang just once - he did most of the singing, to be fair - as a duo heroically called Orwellian Fear; we could have set the world ablaze)

I am

Life will beat you to your knees
If you allow it too,
That's why it's not about how hard you can hit -
It's about how hard you can get hit
And bounce back every time,
Unfazed and unharmed.
It's about being able to stand toe-to-toe
With anyone who thinks they are bigger than you
And being able to say proudly,
With your chest puffed out,
"I am!"

Isolation

It is a strange feeling,
One I have never felt before,
Around people I consider friends,
I feel suddenly all alone.

I have never noticed this feeling,
Not until now,
It is almost as if,
I don't know who they are.

I bear no grudges with them,
In fact we get on well,
Yet I feel odd around them,
As if I do not belong.

Maybe this feeling is in my mind,
Or it is a problem that is only temporary,
I just hope it goes away soon,
I miss being able to enjoy my friends company.

Yet it seems to be growing,
This terrible feeling of isolation,
It seems that they are my friends no more,
And their friendship was just a figment of my imagination.

Heartbreak

As I see you walking down the road,
My heart begins to rejoice,
You make me feel strange inside,
In my mind, I hear this wonderful voice.

Yet, I see some stranger with you,
You are walking arm-in-arm,
I hope it is not what it looks like,
But the voice disappears amongst sounds of alarm.

You look into each others eyes,
In what is clearly a loving gaze,
You notice me not as you walk by me,
This sight is causing me heartbreak.

I knew that this moment would come,
Yet, it still comes as a complete suprise,
Afterall, what would you see in a boy like me,
Who can barely cross his t's and dot his i's.

I am not foolish enough to suggest that I don't care,
But it is true that I do not begrudge you your happiness,
You are the love of my life and if this is what you want,
Then it is what I want, even if it means you cannot be my sweetness.

Friends?

Anger, hatred, annoyance, resentment, exasperation, outrage, fury, displeasure, loathing, detestation, animosity, enmity, irritation, vexation.

Why do friends sometimes make us feel these things?
Are they not there to be trusted?
Or are they there just to annoy us?
To make us feel angry and exasperated,
Surely they are there to support us?
Not to make snide comments behind your back,
Or to make fun of you,
Just to be popular,
Just to be part of the crowd.

Why do friends sometimes backstab each other?
What is achieved by this?
Nothing at all,
Common sense tells us that friends should be helpful,
And supportive in times of trouble,
Yet to me it seems the opposite,
They seem to make things worse,
Stating the obvious,
Making themselves sound clever,
Since they are not in the same trouble as me.

Are all friends this way?
If someone has the answer please tell me.

(I asked a man called John Silkstone on Bebo to review some of my early poetry and he said this poem was one worthy of publication in his magazine - it was only the tenth poem I'd ever written).

Dreams & Chances (With a Tinge of Relief)

Finally,
You notice me at last!
Even though it's not face to face,
It makes my heart swell with joy!
I get this strange feeling in my stomach,
Butterflies,
Just reading the message you left,
Even though it's only a hello,
It's enough to make me punch the air in delight,
Enough to make me wonder,

What if?

I try not to get too excited,
But the joy inside me has reached a crescendo,
As I read the message again,
I see a lone x at the end of it.
That one x means more to me,
Then all the others I have ever received put together,
For it tells me that,
Maybe, maybe,
I have a chance,
Yet still I must ask,

Is it possible?
Only in your dreams, is a reply.
Well I say,
It's nice to dream.