Living in Denial

I didn’t want to do that,
Leave us unfinished and divided,
You thought it best for us,
Suiting your secrets, it coincided.
You left me with nothing,
Robbing me of what I was famed for,
Walking away, pride intact,
To you, I was just another chore.
So I wallowed alone for months on end,
Ruining potential by living in the past,
Any heartbreak suspected by friends,
I thought better to hide behind my mask.
And now you dictate your re-entry,
Deciding the terms on which you return,
Crawling inside my distracted mind,
With words, any dissent is burned.
You were all I wanted,
Time to see what we could be,
You couldn’t provide that,
Breaking our lock but keeping the key.
Now you come and go as you please,
Talking then not talking, like it’s a joke,
Not realising how it affects me,
Making what’s left of my decency choke.
I gave you it all,
Every ounce of love in my bloodstream,
It wasn’t good enough,
And each ounce decamped to my dreams.
This didn’t mean anything,
Not to you, it never could,
You will never know any of this,
Not of your residency in my blood.
I just wish you told the truth,
And just said you never fell for me,
Rather than the usual ‘it’s me’ excuse,
Saving me the trouble of digging so deep.
You’ve broken me forever,
Incapable of raising a genuine smile,
I’m no longer what I was,
Just a man living in denial.