Alone at Last

Alone at last,
Soaked to the skin,
Huddled in the corner of our shelter
Waiting for something special to begin,
Rain falls unceasingly,
Its lashing we do not realise,
As we spend all of our time
Gazing into one another’s eyes,
Every smile flips our stomachs,
Every gaze causes the shakes,
Every kiss we share is an out-of-body experience
That helps us forget past mistakes,
Circumstance attempts to be a wall,
Solid, unmoveable, unchangeable,
Yet still we smash holes in it
Even though it seems to be indestructibly stable,
Circumstance is forgotten
Every time I see your joy bringing face,
Hiding the joy brought to me
Is a task quite difficult in this place,
But when we forget circumstance,
We act as if we were meant to be,
Joking and holding,
Proclaiming our feelings for all to see,
What we have may not last long,
But if and when we come to an end,
We will look back and say it was brief but beautiful,
We'll still see each other as friends…

In the end, time will tell us…
What will be, will be…
Whether we’re together a month or a year…
Our lives will always intertwine and be free…

Be free...
Be free...
Be free...
Be free...

(to this day, I still don't think I did the moment that inspired this poem/song justice).

This is All I Have

Hit by a sudden slap of common sense,
Realising the pointlessness of living life under a cloud,
I could continue in the same vein
As I have been during recent times,
Waking up everyday,
Venting pent up aggression and loneliness
On people that don’t deserve it,
But what would be achieved by that?
What would I, or anyone else, gain from that?

This is life,
This is all I have,
My one chance to take everything bad that happens
And just turn it around and laugh at it,
My actions determine whether I smile or not,
And this is the only time that such a thing holds true,
Living in shadows and wishing for the end
Are things so useless that to hope for either or both
Is to be dead while still breathing…

And where is the point in that?
There isn’t one…
I realise that now…
But how long will that lesson remain learned?

The City Centra

The city centre,
Alcohol is like water,
Drugs are like medicine,
Mixed together they become
A recipe for destruction,
People stumble out of bars and clubs,
Vomiting everywhere,
Starting fights,
Bleeding while making blood spill,
It’s almost humorous when you have no connection…

But when you do have a connection…
You realise the stupidity of our country…

A friend to a lot of people
Was bottled for defending these friends,
He did not raise a finger in anger,
He did not even raise his voice,
But people go into the city centre
With the sole intention of making someone bleed,
Of making someone fall unconscious,
Once he and his friends were targeted
They didn’t have a chance,
In the end, he fell on his own…

But it has rocked those who are close to him…
Yet the penny won’t drop with the rest of the population…

Because all people want to do at the weekend
Is get ossified, get high or get low,
All they want is a release,
Yet far too many release themselves in the wrong way
And release someone else from their life in the process
Either temporarily or permanently,
These people take it upon themselves to spill others blood,
Being under the influence only has so much of an effect,
Mentally, they are ready to kill before touching a drop,
That means someone is already a dead person walking…

Being under the influence just gives them the physical courage to follow through…
This is a contradiction as following through is an act of cowardice…

This cowardice is rife throughout ‘our fair city’…
How does this make our city fair?

His bravery goes unnoticed by all except his nearest and dearest…
To those in the city centre, it’s just another fight…

To his nearest and dearest however…
Its potential ramifications mean so much more…

Stories

All these people we are around everyday,
They all have their own story,
Their own script to follow,
Until one day
It ends with a final full stop,
And they are no more…

We come across so many stories in our own lifetime,
Yet we miss out on so many more,
So much gets written down and recorded,
Yet so much more goes missing in time,
So many inspirational people
Are forgotten about completely…

Because they were not considered important enough to remember…
Who has the right to decide such a thing?

Stolen

We used to be like fingers crossed,
Inseparable,
Now, though, institutional machines
Have prised us apart,
Like a burglar prising his prize open with a crowbar…

Our friendship has been stolen…

We used to speak for hours at a time,
We used to help one another
Through our respective problems,
Now, though, we don’t even know
If either of us has problems that we need help getting through…

Our friendship has been stolen…

No one can be blamed for this outcome,
People always drift as they grow older,
But we always thought we’d be there for each other,
I just wish I could’ve kept that promise,
I haven’t been able to…

And now, our friendship has been stolen…

In years to come
This may strengthen us,
Right now, it just seems to have ended us,
We could walk by each other in the street,
And exchange nothing more than a simple greeting…

All because our friendship has been stolen…

Right or Wrong

I was just kept onside,
Before being thrown aside,
As soon as she rose through my list of friends,
She decided to bring our courting to an end,
As soon as she burrowed through my heart of glass,
She left again via a hidden overpass,
One that led her to my newly reformed soul,
That took an age to once again make whole,
Upon seeing it, she exposed its weakness
And exploited it with seemingly sincere sweetness,
The blackness oozes from it again,
My mind begins to crawl back into its den…

A tear of fire runs down my cheek,
She looked at me, unable to speak,
She realised how angry I was,
She should never have broken our unwritten clause,
In her, I place all my trust,
She betrayed it and turned it to dust,
Moving onwards and upwards is the name of the game,
But these set backs mean I’ll never be the same,
Being used is a horrible feeling,
It’s like speaking without your lips moving,
Taking away my control is blatant betrayal,
Now, our friendship is one that has long set sail…

My reading of you was completely wrong…
This realisation echoes in my chest like a gong…
The anger subsides, replaced by desperation…
Right or wrong, I remain forever in isolation…

Pursuit

Now that he's free of his weathered ball and chain,
He'll return to the pursuit of his shining brief flame,
Now that he's avoided inevitable destruction,
He'll continue his cross-boundary bridge construction,
His realisation was important for himself,
Yet, in turn, it could put me back on the shelf,
If he returns to his brief flame,
Where would that leave me in this love game?

In recent times, I've been overcome with desire
To feel the heat of his brief flame's fire,
I thought his commitments elsewhere
Would allow me to turn a dream into a dare,
Now that he's free from the one he loves to hate
It re-opens the cross-boundary bridge's gate,
Which allows him and his brief flame to revive
Something that looked like it would never survive...

Suddenly I've been dragged into an odd triangle,
One in which all our feelings become tangled,
Someone will walk out of it broken hearted,
And I think I'm the most likely to be the departed,
As they've shared something I haven't been able to share with her,
And it doesn't look like I'll be sharing it any time in the near future,
Which is why I should leave this triangle of heartbreak while in one piece,
Before the inevitable happens and my heart ceases to beat...

His pursuit of his brief flame will end with a kiss...
My pursuit of his brief flame was never going to end like his...

Poker Faces

All people judge wrongly,
All people think the surface
Is the be all and end all,
It’s always the people you least expect
Who decide to walk away in the end…

‘She was tough as nails; she wouldn’t commit suicide for no one’,
Whether they’re tough as nails,
Or soft as silk,
They all have the capacity to take themselves away,
As do you and I…

Thoughts like this can fill one’s mind
At any time during the day or night,
Succumbing is another thing altogether,
But what’s on the surface isn’t the truth,
We all have poker faces…

We all use them everyday…
Some use them to runaway…

No One Notices

*waves*
Goodbye everyone…
*no one notices*
It’s nice being the invisible man,
No pays you any attention,
You can get away with anything…

*waves*
Goodbye everyone…
*no one notices*
Well, it’s not great all the time,
There are times when it’s nice to be noticed,
Otherwise you feel alone…

*waves*
Goodbye everyone…
*no one notices*
Ok, maybe it’s not nice at all,
Having people care about you
Is something everyone should be able to experience…

*waves*
Goodbye everyone…
*no one notices*
*disappears, never to be seen again*
*years later, one person says*
“Hey, where did that lad go?”

*falls on deaf ears*
*no one cares*
*they walk by his carcass everyday*
*his eyes remain open*
*there’s a letter clasped in his hand*
*one day, someone finally notices him*

*they take the letter and read it*
*there’s only a solitary sentence*
Maybe now someone will care…
*the letter finder shuts the letter holder's eyes*
'I would've cared...'
*no one noticed what just happened*

*no notices what society as a whole fails to notice*
*what society thinks is important is what gets noticed*
*that's why our society is falling apart*

Life and Dreams Intertwined

A running dream,
Chasing things I want in real life,
Acceptance amongst my peers,
Emulation of their achievements,
Reaching for things that are right in front of me,
But are always a step too far for my limitations…

Things like the ability to play and sing,
To be able to give my words something
That will force home their meaning,
A trait like bravery,
To be able to stand up and take a chance with her,
In both real life and in my dreams, I wish to achieve these things…

And in both universes I fall short,
Always getting close but not close enough,
Reaching a certain stage where it all seems possible,
Before collapsing at the climax,
It’s the story of my life,
But dreams are meant to be different…

Unless they are not dreams…
And they just mirror what’s to come…

I run and run in my dreams,
Hand outstretched for my longings,
Grasping at something that’s flailing behind,
Thinking that this is it,
I have what I’ve always wanted,
But realising then I’m clutching at thin air again…

It’s a recurring dream with her,
She continuously runs away from me,
Yet when I stop for breath, she goads me,
'Come on, chase me, don’t you want me?'
And I run again, thinking I’ll catch her,
Even though the flash I see in her eyes tells me I never will…

The landscape of my life exists in my dreams,
The so near yet so far story is replicated in both worlds,
My constant stumbling and falling in my dreams
Means I can’t live up to my peers in either universe,
My outstretched hand never reaching her shoulder
Means I can’t make her mine in my dreams, as well as in reality…

These must not be dreams…
They must just mirror what’s to come…

Lying Down

Lying on my bed,
Wondering where the next blow is coming from,
Uncertainty of the future,
And uncertainty inside,
Combine and destroy my conscience
And my mind…

Sleep is not the place it once was,
It used to be a haven,
A place of safety,
Now it’s filled with the chaos of my life,
There is no order,
Insanity is rife…

Now I sleep with my eyes open,
Constantly turning things over in my head,
Right side up or upside down,
Either way, nothing makes sense,
The mere thought of everything gone wrong
Makes my muscles tense…

Rectifying my problems
Seems like something so simple,
Like walking around the corner,
But the world has risen up
And blocked all paths forward,
All ways are shut…

Now I’m faced with two choices…
Either I dig deep and find some resolve…
Or I go to the place with no noises…

Jamie

Jamie…
You’ve been hit harder
Than ever before,
You’ve fallen into unconsciousness…

Jamie…
We’ve been hit harder
Than ever before,
By your absence you are conspicuous…

Jamie…
Every moment you seem
To be slipping away,
Don’t disappear into the blackness…

Jamie…
The part of us is where
You once rested is vacant,
Come back and fill the emptiness…

Jamie…
You’re not meant to leave so soon
Or before any us do,
Please, wake up from the darkness…

I realise now the terrifying thing about age…
You notice more when life tries to turn a page…

Candle

If love was an eternal candle,
It would light our lives forever,
If the candle melted with time,
The liquid wax would harden
And immortalise love for eternity,
If the flame was to be suddenly extinguished,
It would symbolise the frozen hallway of a lonely heart,
If the candle was never lit,
It would convey an affair never kindled,
Love as a candle is warm and everlasting,
Love as a candle is cold and cruel,
Most people's candles are lit and last ‘til the end,
Others never get the match needed to start a flame,
Those peoples’ souls turn to ice,
Their lives are never completely fulfilled,
Their candlesticks fall away into evermore…

(I wrote this behind a small table just inside the entrance of a random Super Valu - I can’t remember where exactly - while attempting to sell Victoria Jackson make-up, and despite the distraction women and make-up can bring, I wrote Candle which, fittingly, stands out from the rest of the poems on Bebo page thirteen in terms of its imagery).

Insignificance

Have you ever felt so small
That the fear of being stepped on
Was one that was genuine?

Have you ever felt so insignificant
That every word that left your lips
Just faded away into a whisper?

Have you ever felt so out of touch
That the sight of your friends’ backs
Didn’t come as a surprise?

Have you ever felt so ignored
That you knew screaming every obscenity under the sun
Would make absolutely no difference?

Have you ever felt so isolated
That you felt like you were going to
Suffocate from loneliness?

Have you ever felt so cold
That even standing next to people in a horribly hot room
Did nothing to heat you up?

Have you ever felt so defeated
That you thought running away from everything
Was the easiest and best way to move on?

Have you ever felt so alone
That the reassuring words of those around you
Meant absolutely nothing?

Have you ever felt so inferior
That the looks of those superior
Seemed almost to be mocking?

Have you ever felt so cut off from proceedings
That you felt any word you attempt to contribute
Would fall on deaf ears?

Have you ever felt so betrayed
That it felt like a thousand knives
Had been plunged into your back a thousand times?

Have you ever felt so empty
That you instantly knew you didn’t matter to anyone
And that life would be a better place without you?

I have…
Such insignificance is a horrible feeling…

How Can We Do This?

Wishing for one thing,
Wanting another,
Conflicting aspirations collide and shatter
Any hope left inside this beaten soul,
A kiss in the rain left behind more pain than joy,
It brought more confusion than before,
A hole is being dug,
Deeper, deeper, deeper we go,
Hoping the end will bear the future we want,
While also knowing that this is impossible,
Her hazel green eyes are a respite from the unknown,
Holding her in my arms brings a feeling of safety,
Yet I know the arrangement is temporary,
Because restrictions of our working class make it so,
Now we need to make a choice,
Do we take a chance and end in enforced departure?
Or do we play it safe and not try at all,
Leaving us with that feeling of eternal regret?

How do we make such a choice?

Hiding

Thinking about a lot of things,
Thoughts rushing around my head,
Wondering where the answer’s will come from,
Will they come when I’m dead?

Heart beats ferociously,
Filled with both love and hate,
Love is what I want to triumph,
Right now, it’s nothing more than bait…

I need reassurance to stand up,
I need to know to be brave,
If I know she feels the same,
Maybe my heart I can save…

It is being overcome by everything,
My soul is succumbing to shadow,
What I want is slipping away,
Searching deeper is a no-go…

Time is running out,
The chance for answers has long disappeared,
Now the questions begin to fade too,
Something I have long feared…

While they start to fade,
An escape route begins to open,
Circular and constricting,
Its use is contemplated by all men…

The time has come to fly,
Running is easier than fighting,
Working to save my heart is hopeless,
Already, I feel it tightening…

Time to enter permanent hiding…

What Have We Become?

What have we become?
Revolutionaries without a cause,
A voice box with no voice,
Willingly accepting every enforced pause,
An army with no allegiance,
A nation with no leader,
A country with no direction,
Welcoming all who are poor,
Parasites on those around us,
Advocating things not crucial,
Claiming reverence for traditions dead and gone,
When the truth is we’re all just superficial,
A land with no king,
Filled with people who are fake,
We constantly take one step forward and two back,
We attempt progress for progress’s sake,
We hide behind Catholic doctrine,
Claiming it brings us salvation,
Everyone refuses to admit
That this is an act of desperation,
Our laws contradict one another,
Yet we obey them as if they’re gospel,
This is an act of ignoring the truth,
That our country is just a giant hostel,
We once fought with good reason,
Now we fight blindfolded,
Keeping the peace in places with no connection,
Ignoring everything previously unfolded,
This enforced blindness will ruin us all,
It will take away what we won before,
We will become small pawns in a giant game,
Before being obliterated by a thoughtless war…

We can stop ourselves from being blown apart…
We can make sure we don’t disintegrate into nothing…
But first we must realise where the true fight lies…
And stop firing blindly at the help that’s coming…

(this is one of my first attempts at writing a poem about a current issue - and I think it remains one of only a few such attempts, which isn't a surprise when looking at this attempt at covering the Lisbon Treaty).

Finding the Right Steps

I listen to it because I relate to it,
I relate to it because I wrote it,
I wrote it because I felt it,
I felt it and still feel it everyday,
Time has moved on,
My heart has not,
It still pines for the affections
Of those out of reach…

I constantly find myself wrapped
Around the fingers of someone I feel for,
Yet they don’t wrap me around their fingers,
I wrap myself around them
In an attempt to become part of them,
In an attempt to see into their mind
So I can find out if anything could ever become of us,
In an attempt to avoid potentially fatal landmines…

Stepping in the wrong place could end us…
Writing to get inside is the only way of finding the right steps…

Anything and Everything

A chance to be happy,
A chance to bring happiness,
The searching is over,
The search was worth the effort,
She is above all who came before,
She is above my level,
Yet still she wants me,
Yet still she thinks I’m good enough,
When we kiss, everything stops,
When we kiss, our stomachs flip,
Holding each other feels like safety,
Holding each other is all we want to do,
Time moves too slow when not with you,
Time moves too fast when I’m graced by you,
Every moment spent isn’t wasted,
Every moment spent flouts authority,
We don’t care about consequences now,
We just care that we’ve found each other…

And that we can share anything and everything…

Find it in Your Heart

I know you really don’t like me,
Could you find it in your heart to just kiss me?
I don’t know what I would do,
In a world that didn’t have you…

I don’t expect replies to stupid remarks,
If they come, they should be vicious like bites from sharks,
I know you don’t like my company,
But can’t you look after someone who’s feeling lonely?

I know you only speak to me out of pity,
I know I’m ignoring reality,
But can you please search inside,
And find a future where we unite?

The story of my life so far,
I can’t have anyone above my own bar,
And now my soul tries to hide,
Because you don’t like my outside…

I remember those magical eyes,
And the first time they bored into mine,
You went and turned me away,
I remember my feeling of dismay…

I went home and I cried,
I’m not ashamed, why would I lie?
And once again, I was all alone,
Even though we spoke on the mobile phone…

Now between us all is quiet,
In my mind there’s a constant riot,
I know we won’t ever be together,
Yet you’ll always live with me forever…

I know you really don’t like me,
Could you find it in your heart to just kiss me?
I don’t know what I would do,
In a world that didn’t have you…