Youth of Today

Unable to move,
People, people
Squashed together,
All monotonous,
Drone-like,
Shirts and ties,
Skirts and heals,
Scantily clad,
Mullets and studs,
Fake tan and make-up,
No morals,
No standards,
No limits,
No cares,
Their heads are in their pants,
Pushing and shoving,
No consideration,
One bad bump
Leads to a look of filth
That should be directed
At a mirror,
Bloody fights,
Projectile vomiting,
Drunken and disorderly,
Stumbling and falling,
This is my generation,
This is the youth of today…

One that will exist…
For many years to come…

You Don't Have Anyone but Yourself

You don’t have anyone but yourself…

At the end of it all,
No matter who your life’s partner is,
No matter who your friends are,
No what you’ve achieved…

You don’t have anyone but yourself…

When it comes down to the crucial moment,
Even if you’re in a team or group,
Even if everyone is offering help,
Even if support can be found everywhere you turn…

You don’t have anyone but yourself…

In the end, we are all equal,
Regardless of religion, race or gender,
Regardless of being rich or poor,
Regardless of being famous or unknown…

You don’t have anyone but yourself…

The mental battles are always fought alone,
There are no exceptions,
It all comes down to your own will,
There’s no one else…

And when everything needs to be said and done…
You don’t have anyone but yourself…

Where Will it End?

I was in a very funny mood yesterday,
Not quite happy,
Not quite sad,
Just floating along somewhere in the middle,
Waiting for a sign to explain this hollowness,
Walking in search of something to fill this void…

Up by Gateway,
Walking faster and slower depending on the song’s speed,
Walking with purpose when it was fast,
Walking defeated when it was slow,
Trying not to think the question
That can get to everyone at the bottom…

Where will it end?
I can hear it in my mind,
I can feel it in my chest,
I can see it when my eyes close,
I can sense it no matter where I go,
Where will it end?

On and on I continue to walk,
Still looking to fill the empty spaces
That exist inside my heart,
I’m walking with no idea
As to what I’ll find,
On and on I continue to walk…

Wondering where it will end…

Ridiculously Dramatic

She’s thinks she’s tragically romantic…
Truth is, she’s just ridiculously dramatic…

Suffering, to her, is a contest,
One in which she must come out best,
Everyone else’s problems are instantly dismissed
Once she begins to complain or gossip,
Yes, she has problems, don’t we all,
To her though, everyone else has someone to answer their call,
She seems convinced the world revolves around her,
For such conceit, there is no cure…

She has a knack for winding people up,
It always ends with everyone telling her to keep it shut,
One over reaction she had on her birthday
Ended up forcing all her friends away,
Now she only has her boyfriend and her mam,
Because everyone else doesn’t give a damn,
She needs to realise everyone has problems
And that she can’t be ignorant when others are in the doldrums…

She’s thinks she’s tragically romantic…
Truth is, she’s just ridiculously dramatic…

They Will Come

I look for a place where I can be me,
Searching for somewhere I can fit in,
Looking for a place where I can be free,
Trying to make my life begin,
I hope for a place I can call home,
Somewhere I won’t be an outsider,
I seek a place where I won’t be alone,
A place that includes the beauty of her…

I know it’s here…
I know it’s somewhere…
I feel it near…
I know she’ll be there…

I don’t care where it is,
A beach, a forest, a slum,
I just want to find it,
And find my freedom,
Maybe it exists only in my dreams,
Either way, it’s paradise,
Nothing is ever as it seems,
If she’s there, I won’t have to think twice…

I know it’s real…
I’m one of its kind…
On its surface, I will kneel…
On its surface, true love I’ll find…

I can see it in my mind’s eye,
The hallowed grounds of inner self,
There for hours I will lie,
As many as ten, eleven or twelve,
Still I search for its gates,
Hoping to find eternal peace,
It will all come down to fate,
No matter what, my efforts won’t cease…

I’ll find it someday,
Along with true love,
I’ll scope every shore and bay,
Hoping my efforts will be enough…

Hoping they will lead me to love and freedom…
They will come one day, they will come…

Unlocked

She has unlocked the door
To my heart’s core,
She has my invaded my mind
Once so hard to get inside,
She has brought feeling back
To where hatred once attacked,
She has broken through my mental barrier,
Over any distance, I want to carry her…

Things confused are now clear,
She has washed away the doubts and fears,
A dream I had was of her,
The things that occurred in it I want for sure,
The whole thing makes me realise
That strong feelings come and go with the times,
I know now how fickle love is,
That being said, I just want her kiss…

Wait for the Change

There she is,
Standing in front of me,
So close, yet so far,
The invisible wall of the past
Prevents any approach
More forward than a simple hello…

When with her,
My smile becomes genuine
For the first time since before Christmas,
My heart is finally beating again,
Old worries disappear
Whenever she comes near…

Yet I can’t follow my feelings up,
Because the past remains the past,
He, despite electing to return
To the bickering he despised for so long,
Remains obsessively jealous,
I know he constantly watches her…

Waiting for a sign of her moving on,
If she were to move onto me,
He would feel betrayed like never before,
He has no right to feel this way,
Not after the way he callously moved on from her,
But he is such a switchy so-and-so…

One minute he wants his so called ‘love’…
Next minute he wants fling-after-fling…
Now comes the wait for the change…

Frank

Life’s complications,
Its worrying omissions,
Its many dimensions
And worrying superstitions
Choke young Frank like water in a rising ship…

He constantly runs his hands through his hair,
Hoping that something not there
Will suddenly appear
And make everything fair
In a world that quite simply isn’t…

He lives in denial,
Ignoring life’s trials,
Hoping everything will be handed to him
In one large ‘life & coping’ file
That’ll provide the answers he just can’t find himself…

"Who am I really?
Where is my she?
How can I be set free
From the confines of reality?"
He wonders these things everyday in silence…

He wants to try and forget,
He wants to escape his regret,
But his life’s not over yet
And this always makes him fret,
Since he can’t escape the past, he wants the end…

No one knew he was capable
Of being so unstable,
His constant smile was a fable,
One which keeping up was a struggle,
He never understood his place…

"Why am I here?
Why my constant fear?
Why can’t I live with the cheer
That makes people hold me so dear?"
He never understood anything…

In the end, it all proved too much
For Frank to live in a world of fictitious love,
He had enough of living in a sea of lies,
He had enough of being deceived by eyes,
He went to a tower, looked down at the ground…

Upon hitting the bottom...
"My peace was found…"

(I include Frank because Frank is a person who doesn't like to be left out of things, no matter how big or small - also, the narrative interests me, even if it could be argued the varying syllable lengths of each line potentially upset the reader's flow).

Our Last Chat

I remember our final words,
They sit vaguely in my memories,
I was heading to a rugby game,
Much to your surprise,
You asked me why…

I laughed and shrugged my shoulders,
Nothing else to do,
I’m sure that was my reply,
Myself and your dad went out the door,
I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw you breathing…

I can’t remember the conversation’s path
After ‘nothing better to do’,
I don’t recall any hints of your intentions,
All I remember are your smile and eyes,
They didn’t look like they wanted to die…

I suppose I was too young to read the signals,
Looking back now, I still can’t see any,
I guess I’ll never fully understand your motives,
Although I can make some educated guesses,
I know they are close to the mark…

Everything has moved so fast since that night on Tommy’s porch,
The world didn’t notice when your feet left the chair,
But I did,
We all did,
We still do…

And we always will…

Old Friendships Die

Five minutes in any direction,
Walking at my slowest pace,
Yet our differing institutions
Mean I never see familiar faces…

We all grew up together,
Hours were spent playing ball,
Once joined paths are severed,
Friendships take the fall…

Five of us are split by life’s path,
At different stages of our existence,
Will we even see each others epitaphs?
Only with continued persistence,
It all seems so crass
To pronounce our demise,
Yet our part in a divided class
Means, one-by-one, old friendships die…

It used to be everyday
That we spent together in rain and sun,
Now our being is in dismay,
Each other, we shun and shun…

The learning and the alcohol
Have become more important than us,
Salvation is an order too tall
To be asked of those who in blindness they trust…

Five of us are split by life’s path,
At different stages of our existence,
Will we even see each others epitaphs?
Only with continued persistence,
It all seems so crass
To pronounce our demise,
Yet our part in a divided class
Means, one-by-one, old friendships die…

I live so close,
Yet so far away,
These are the paths we chose,
Now we live each day…

In ignorance of what we once had,
Looking back is standing still,
A future with no us is so sad,
A void exists which can’t be filled…

Five of us are split by life’s path,
At different stages of our existence,
Will we even see each others epitaphs?
Only with continued persistence,
It all seems so crass
To pronounce our demise,
Yet our part in a divided class
Means, one-by-one, old friendships die…

Old friendships die…

Ideas

(under constant review)

The idea of having a reason to live,
The idea of achieving more than you think possible,
The idea of capturing and keeping the moment,
The idea of finding the one you love,
The idea of creating something permanent,
The idea that having two hearts could kill us,
The idea of inspiring,
The idea of being remembered,
The idea of making history,
The idea of being a role model,
The idea that beauty can cause destruction,
The idea of drawing millions,
The idea of being as happy as you can be,
The idea of waiting forever being completely worth it,
The idea of falling down,
The idea of getting back up,
The idea of seeing yourself in others eyes,
The idea of friendship barriers not preventing flourishing feelings,
The idea of making the ground thunder,
The idea of bringing joy and tears simultaneously,
The idea of being misunderstood,
The idea of death bringing something new,
The idea of pushing death aside to allow for birth,
The idea of shaping your own destiny,
The idea of living life to its full potential,
The idea of searching for the unexpected,
The idea of a promised dawn actually coming,
The idea of wishes made selflessly for others working in your favour,
The idea of stupid drama being abolished,
The idea of home being exactly that,
The idea of blind faith being rewarded,
The idea of honesty really being the best policy,
The idea of your loved ones being there forever,
The idea of the foundations you lay remaining strong,
The idea of walking away knowing you’ve done the right thing,
The idea of doing something properly,
The idea of ossification not leading to blindness as well,
The idea of a victory over circumstance being more than a dream,
The idea of being big enough to be small,
The idea of the feelings you feel taking shape in a person,
The idea of overcoming all obstacles in search of a higher purpose,
The idea of going home knowing you’ve earned it,
The idea that all of this is a gift,
The idea of permanent escapism,
The idea of being able to think freely without persecution,
The idea of making people proud,
The idea that everything you do isn't inconsequential in the end,
The idea of thoughts and dreams going on and on,
The idea of learning from others while remaining yourself,
The idea of creating something of life-changing importance,
The idea of being influenced before influencing,
The idea of having something to believe in…

The idea of having ideas…

(this poem is a catch all for any idea I have that I can't turn into a poem of its own - usually, lines that are added here are just random thoughts that I save as draft text messages in my phone, so all the random ideas jostling for prominence here no doubt contradict each other constantly).

Notches

I don’t know what to do,
A friend who once adored her
Would be unhappy if he knew of my feelings,
With her, he once had an obsession,
He has no right to be angry,
He chose to travel back to the past
Instead of facing reality,
He has committed himself to potential destruction again,
While also letting her fly away,
Like a wren,
He once proclaimed the strength
Of his own feelings for her to me,
Yet refused to wait for her to finalise her future,
He just went and added notches to his belt,
Until he come back to the very start again,
Back to his first and original notch,
Now worn and beaten from past wars,
And he allowed himself to fall again
For someone who he loves to hate…

I know, though, if I attempt anything with his brief flame…
His anger with me will last an eternity…
He should’ve thought of that before letting her fly away…

Maastricht

The town is so vibrant,
The sun shines gloriously overhead,
It gives the place its shimmer,
During the day, reflections of the city above
Can be seen clearly on the canal's surface,
It's like a mirror that enforces beauty,
Old monuments and new innovations
Are combined to create something
So startling unique,
It takes one's breath away...

True serenity is hard to come by,
Maastricht is one of the rare places it exists,
Even listening to the noisy early morning traffic
Delivers a stranger inner joy
That is similar to the chirping birds in the trees,
For a city, it is so green,
My preferred colour of choice,
There are trees, plants and flowers everywhere,
This is a place I'd love to live forever,
This place is my mind's Utopia...

Lust and Lies

That girl in the red glasses,
The one with the pretty face
And the subtle voice,
She’s well out of my league,
There’s no bravery on my part,
She’ll be the last thing I write about
In this pocket notebook of mine,
If only the feelings I’m trying to write about
Actually existed,
I wouldn’t feel like I’m lying,
All I feel is lust, as per usual,
Feelings I was capable of bearing before
Don’t exist anymore,
My heart seems like it’s broken,
I’ve no idea how to fix it,
I’ll just have to keep looking
Until someone inspires it to feel again…

I’ll have to keep waiting for that day…
Until it comes…
I’ll continue to live in lust and lies…

It Never Existed

She pulled my tie toward her,
My head spun ‘round,
Our eyes met, I thought this was it,
Our lips touched, she pulled away,
Rejection…

I didn’t know what to do,
My confidence had shattered,
My face turned red, I left the room,
I stood alone, cleaning others mess,
Depression…

Time went by in a blur,
I was confused and humiliated,
She came outside, wondering what was wrong,
I apologised, she said it wasn’t necessary,
Correction…

She said not to feel bad,
I said it was hard not to,
She dragged me to a corner, wrapped her arms ‘round my neck,
I told her not to pity me, she just started kissing me,
Elation?

I wasn’t sure whether to smile or not,
It seemed to be an act of pity,
Rejection one moment, acceptance the next,
It came from nowhere, confidence is still broken,
Realisation…

It never existed…

Something can’t break if it never existed…
Time can’t heal what never existed…
So this humiliation I feel now…
Will never be healed…
Her need to pity me…
Will never be satisfied…

I will always be a sheep…
A person who follows other people…
Who attempts to emulate other people…
But then never ever achieves what other people achieve…
I can’t make something of myself…
I can’t get a person by myself…

I can’t do anything by myself…
Because of the confidence that never existed…

I Stand Still

They’ve both moved on,
The past is the past,
I’m happy for them, I am,
But now I have a sense
That everything is going on without me…

I’m flailing in confusion,
I don’t know what I want,
I’m free to do what I like,
But what I would like to do
Is something that I’m just not sure of…

Life continues to move at a pace too fast for me,
With every passing event it moves quicker,
The world keeps spinning,
Blissfully unaware of my vexation,
One person is always insignificant in the grander scheme of things…

I just wish my heart would beat like it used to,
I just wish it would feel like it used to,
I just wish it would love like it used to,
Then I would know I haven’t changed for the worst,
I would know I could still be me…

As it stands, while old lovers live out their lives…
I stand still, wondering why I am changing…

Go Forth

Everything you think,
Everything you feel,
Everything you make,
Everything you learn
Is unimportant to everyone else,
But remains important to you…

Someone hasn’t the right to force you one way or another,
Someone hasn’t the right to abuse your thought process,
Someone hasn’t the right to destroy your world,
Someone hasn’t the right to take away your beliefs,
As these things are what make you the person you are,
Without them, you would be nothing…

A shadow…

Without them, you would be here nor there,
Without them, you would be aimless,
Without them, you would be invisible,
Without them, you may as well be dead,
A ghost haunting those around you,
Who have the ideas you wouldn’t have…

Read what you want,
Listen to what you wish,
Learn what you can,
Teach those who need teaching,
As life is all about give and take,
You take from and give to everyone around you…

So go forth…

Feeling Again

For the first time in a long while,
A girl has brought a genuine smile,
Something I thought could no longer be achieved,
My heart has moved back to its sleeve,
She comes from the same place as my first from before,
The place she comes from I still adore,
Her own smile has genuine care in it,
The burnt out candle inside me has been relit,
We literally talked from night ‘til morning,
Now, I find my spirits soaring
For the first time in many a moon,
Let’s hope this feeling doesn’t go away too soon…

I like having feeling in my heart again…
Maybe I’ll start to crawl out my internal den…

Ceasing Capturing

Old friendship's fractured,
Lost are moments temporarily captured,
He trusted me with his memories,
Hoping it'll be found is a tease,
It's on the ground, in a million pieces,
His capturing of life now ceases...

A day in the life exists no more,
This is a sad chapter in my book of lore,
Now his head is split with the pain,
It gets worse with confusion and rain,
Thoughts of what's lost hurt my head too,
You trusted me and I failed you...

The next few days, surrounded by violence...
Will be filled with awkward silence...

Are We Going to Stand Up?

A defining moment in human history
Stands before us in the form of Lisbon,
No matter what way it is viewed
It’s an attempt at silencing the outspoken,
At unifying us all under one banner,
Taking away individual traditions,
Giving us new, seemingly more acceptable ones…

They want to control everything we do…

They can’t control what we say,
They can’t control what we think,
They can’t control what we do,
They can’t suppress our freedom,
Yet that is exactly what they’re trying to do,
They want to take away names from places,
They want to away individuality from within our homes…

They want us all to think the same…

It’s a step closer to something we should all fear,
It’s a step closer to a world dictatorship,
It’s a step closer to the terrifying visions of Elliot and Orwell,
It’s a step closer to The Wasteland,
It’s a step closer to Big Brother,
We can do something to stop it,
What are we going to do?

Nothing…

Because as long people believe the Celtic Tiger can bounce back,
They don’t care,
Because as long as people believe the money will still be made,
They don’t care,
Because people believe the economy is falling apart anyway,
They don’t care,
Because as long as the people can still get drunk and have sex at the weekend…

They don’t care…

Even though that’s something a unified constitution will want to prevent,
Even though such a constitution is an act of controlling the people completely,
Even though it’s a first step toward controlling individual actions,
Even though it’s the first step toward controlling thoughts,
Even though it’s the first step toward controlling emotion,
Even though it’s the first step toward depersonalising us all…

We will be a nation with no flag…

Our country will bow to their every whim,
Our country will answer their war call,
Even though we once stood neutral in all wars,
Our country will wear the same colours as nations
Like Poland, Portugal, Germany and Britain,
Our country will fight enemies who are trying to help us,
Who are trying to liberate us from the ultimate form fascism…

This is not what we want…

So are we going to sit back
And let this happen to our country?
Are we going to let ourselves become pawns in a game?
Are we going to allow our country
Lose the traditions we are so proud of?
Or are we going to exercise our right to a voice while we still have it?
Are we going to fight for our right to freedom and individuality?

Are we going to stand up and be counted?